blowing them up with my mind

there are places you haven't been where you already belong

we should start giving testosterone to ants

uncles

Walking around my neighborhood wearing my sick as fuck custom T-shirt that says "I STEAL EVERY FRIENDLY CAT I MEET WITH NO REMORSE I DO IT ALL THE TIME DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK I BEEN HERE FOR YEARS KEEP THAT BEAST ENCLOSED LEST YE FACE MY LIGHTNING CAT GRASP" and smiling politely while my neighbors' indoor-outdoor cats gently trot down the sidewalk towards me as the neighbors themselves read my shirt with a growing sense of panic.

Unfollow me for cat theft all you want. You'll never catch me and you'll never stop me. Those things are this season's must-have lipgloss in an understaffed Sephora, and baby? I'm a middle-class teenage girl who's not getting enough attention at home...

Bro why do you keep insisting we try to disarm this genderbending trap? We literally mapped out this whole dungeon floor we can just walk around it...

Whoa watch it bud! If I hadn't caught you you would have fallen straight into that pit of tentacles! Good thing I stopped you when I did, huh?

Oh man if I was just a few minutes late that vampire baroness would have hypnotized you and made you her thrall, good thing you can always count on me, ey? Cmon let's get going, the next round's on you

call me Brussels Sprouts the way I got the bitterness bred out of me

the joke is Brussels Sprouts used to be much more bitter until farmers in the 90's discovered what chemical property in Brussels Sprouts was making them so bitter, and selectively bred them over generations to be tastier, which is why you should try eating Brussels Sprouts again if you haven't had them since you were a kid, especially if you've never had them roasted in olive oil, salt, red pepper flakes, maybe a little honey or balsamic vinegar, distributed evenly on a pan at a very high temperature, and also breeding kink

Hey op what was that last part

Did i fucking stutter

Op I Am So Sorry i thought the original post was about like a transformation of character or family and was like man this is poetic and they’ve included brussel sprouts this is such a good post so when i saw the breeding kink i was caught so off guard

it's ok homie there's great value in your eyes that look into the heart of absurdity and see only a heart <3

disabled people are worth whatever cost or resources is needed to keep them alive. disabled people are worth it even if they don't live long. they're worth it even if they will need extra support and resources for every day of their life. they're worth it even if they spend all they life indoors. none of it is wasted. none of it is in vain. time, effort, money, resources spent on a life are not wasted. these things have served their purpose. the joy of someone's existence is not undermined by not lasting forever. there's no meaningful point, some threshold where you can say "okay this is enough. after that it's not worth it." it's always worth it.

stumbled across some of my printer opinions that i don't recall writing but am correct about

Anyways when I was sixteen I wrote a story about a spaceship's communications officer (think Uhura) who was given a brain implant when he was a baby that automatically translates every language in the universe, but which interferes with his ability to perceive and process subtle changes in tone. He hears an emotionless automated translator voice inside his head rather than hearing the real voices being physically carried by air vibrations. So he has the ability to interpret every word in every language, but he can never interpret tone of voice. And the ultimate message of the story is that understanding every possible text isn't enough -- if you don't understand subtext, you'll be isolated. The "communications officer" actually struggles to communicate more than anyone else on the ship.

You'll never guess what they diagnosed me with a year later.

I keep thinking abt this comment and giggling

Saw this image in the reblogs of a post

And as a dishwasher and longtime restaurant worker I just needed to know what the original said so I reverse image searched it and immediately crumpled into the family guy death post on the floor right under my English degree

I love watching shit with subtitles on and discovering that mumbled background conversations were not only supposed to be fully intelligible but are in fact plot-relevant. Like please, for the love of god, can streaming services start mixing their audio right?

eveeyones got it wrong your mid 20s arent for going to the club or partying or picking up new crafts. your 20s are for discovering how much more autistic you are than you thought you were in high school