Okay, fine. Be Dave again. Dave: Examine pesterlogs

Sure, not like you have anything better to do when you’re just marching along, slowly dying of dehydration. Though you’re not sure dehydration’s going to be the only killer: wild animals might get you, you might be struck by lightning, you might run into more people on the space cadet’s side. You have shining new vistas of corpses opening before you. You open Jade’s message first.

Of course anything you are doing is super cool. You’re doing it, so it is tautologically cool. And you can never let slip to Rose that you know that word. At least this means Jade was safe when you left, though admittedly she’s pretty hard to damage under most circumstances what with the god tier and even Jack Noir coming running when she shakes the bag of Beggin Strips. You wish you’d fucked up this timeline after she’d hit God Tier this time, because you hate watching her die every time she doesn't.

>Speaking of watching everyone die

Abscond

You flashstep as far away as you can see. Repeat six times. Pesterchum is showing a bunch of missed messages. This fact is significant. It means that not everyone on your timeline is dead yet. And it means something strange just happened. It means that the space cadet was also a wifi hub or something, since no way in hell was that flash of whatever-it-was a coincidence with your internet coming back up. You are not happy about this. Unexpected powers usually mean that you are going to die horribly. It took you a long time to know all of Jack’s powers so they weren’t unexpected anymore. Now you need to find a way to a town to regroup and figure out how you’re going to kill the pitiable space cadet.

>Be the pitiable space cadet

Kill the other champion

“I’ve been sent to find you, then. Well, him.” The furry shifts to stand protectively between you and the space cadet. “Oh, aye?” You flashstep around her and press your sword to the space cadet’s neck. “Tell me how to release the princess’ soul.”

  He turns blank panic-eyes on you and twitches a hand up to touch your arm. He’s short and skinny and mostly hair, so you’re not worried about him trying to shove you away until his hand touches your arm and everything goes white and black and Pesterchum lights up like it’s goddamn Christmas.

The furry is behind you, winding up with her black-glowing fists and she’d punched right through the guard’s head with that fist oh shit.

>Dave: Abscond