Pausing my wet dream to shake my head and loudly go, “They would not fucking do that”

I wonder if Achilles and Patroclus are down in the Underworld somewhere, just massively relieved that people have finally stopped trying to censor their relationship

Like I can just imagine what their reaction to TSOA would’ve been - not exactly accurate, but a step in the right direction !! Better than that slop movie that came out a little while ago anyways !!

The entire Greek camp was actually having sex with each other throughout the events of the Iliad. Homer told me so in a dream

Breaking up with my partner and then both of us dating other people only to break up with them and come back together call that a Ship of Theseus

What’s your gender ?

Bikini Bottom

No, what’s in your pants ?

Spunchbub

What ?

(credit to boobachu for the image)

Can’t believe America queerbaited us all with Triden, only to kill off Joe in the final trimester of his mpregnancy this is worse than Destiel

Gonna have to ship Donala now smh. Heteros. Heteros everywhere

After everything goes down, after the Apocalypse-that-never-was and all the shit Heaven and Hell put them through, Aziraphale and Crowley decide to settle down, take life at their own pace

Of course, with nothing else to fill his time (since tempting is out of the picture what with Hell despising him and whatnot) Crowley decides to take up songwriting

And the name he chooses ? Why, Hozier, of course

Fun fact !! I love you !!

Do you ever wonder if cum thinks as it spills forth from your genitalia ? If it wonders who it will become ? If it regrets being among the first to leave ? Do you wonder if, once it feels the cold air of doom, it realizes what its master has done to it ? Does it regret, as it spills upon the ground ? Does it wonder why its Creator abandoned it ? Does it look for the dark home it once knew and cry for the loss of it ? Does it feel pain as it dies ?

I got seduced by a Fr*nch man. She started to oui oui 🥵🥵 everytime I plap plap 😩😩💦💦 him, I got addicted and can't stop 😭😭💢💢

God put me out of my misery

You pull the suspiciously shoe-shaped plug out of the clown’s butthole. It is another sexy clown, holding onto the leg of yet another sexy clown.

“Don’t stop, babe.”

[honk]

Fuck it, free orgy. You continue pulling clowns out from their asshole. The moans and rubber nose sounds continue. Honestly your arms are kind of getting tired from it. At least the new clowns are willing to help you continue your quest to pull all of them free. You feel exhausted. Maybe some balloon-pantsed goober can just sit on your face and you can call it a night-

You hear your clown lover shriek in what definitely sounds like pain.

“You okay, honey?”

They seem kind of. Withered. Parched, maybe? There’s some Pedialyte in the fridge. The water from the lapel flower leaks uncontrollably from their chest.

“I’m having a great time, really! Gang’s all here!”

[hooooOooonk]

Weird. Kind of sounded like a recording dying halfway through. Whatever. Onward!

The room is now nearly wall to wall clowns, assuming you count yourself. There is almost no room to pull, but there’s apparently just one more clown trapped in the sphincter. You all pull with all your might, free them, and it’s high fives and loud horn noises all around. The clowns start to file out of the room.

“What, why? I thought you’d keep me company?”

“Well, our job here is done. Have fun explaining that to insurance!”

[honkhonk]

You look over to the original clown. They’re not moving. Now that it’s over, it kind of seems like they were outright ripped apart at the end. Like a chestburster, no, a lot more thorough than that. It doesn’t even seem like they have any flesh inside.

One of the clowns doubles back, just to rub in the truth.

“Hey, you wanna hear a joke?”

“What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck why are they dead-“

“Too bad. You know what the best part of clownfucking is?”

“What.”

”The delivery. Thanks, midwife!”

The clown and I masturbate each other. Call that a jerk-us

So, I asked an AI for a popular Tumblr post and

"

Did you know that the average person spends 6 months of their lifetime waiting for red lights to turn green? But I'm not an average person. I've trained my eyes to shoot laser beams at traffic lights, so they turn green as soon as I approach. Now, I have an extra 6 months to spend doing the things I love, like collecting vintage rubber ducks and trying to speak whale language. What have you done to make the most of your time?""

I think most of the people could be AI tbh

Average Tumblr convo part 2

Baller

BlockoBoi

Baller

Baller

Baller

BlockoBoi

Baller

Baller

Baller

BlockoBoi

rellaB

Baller

lraaB

BlockoBoi

Baarl?

Baller

Baarl!

BlockoBoi

Balijgb

Baller

Balijgb!?

BlockoBoi

Balalaball!

Baller

Ballaballababalaballa!

BlockoBoi

Ballingot ?! Ballingbingus.

Baller

Ballingbingus!?! Ballingbingusballingdingus!?!?!?

BlockoBoi

MogusBallus!

Baller

MogusBallus? MogusBallusballingdingus. MogusBallusballingdingus? SusBaller

BlockoBoi

Ballaiballsofsteelballs (what is this conversation anymore)

Baller

Balls of balls of balls (I’m not entirely sure, but I’m having FUN!)

BlockoBoi

Ba ala bannala (lol same)

Baller

Ba a ball bananalala! (I think this conversation is a great way for me to practice on being flexible with my thinking. )

BlockoBoi

Beaballthegame (yeah)

Baller

Ballisthegame (Ball is life, but life is also balls! So in a way, balls is also ball. I think there is a philosophy here. It’s deeper than I imagined. )

BlockoBoi

Balllaalalallalllalalinh (Ball lore?)

Baller

(The Lore is deep! I am thinking of writing a short story or maybe even a novel, but this time the character is a Basketball. It’s a coming of age novel. All the other round objects in his life look down on him because he’s always being thrown around. He feels like he’s being used.)

BlockoBoi

Baballs (cool)

Baller

(Then he falls in love with a girl, a girl named Basketball. He doesn’t care that she’s also being thrown around. The two of them fall madly in love and they make their own destiny, one outside of this cruel world of sports and balls. )

BlockoBoi

Baelor (the lore is so deep)

Baller

(The two of them leave their home and move to the Big City. In the Big City they face many obstacles. They try to find jobs, but they are very difficult to find and they get fired a lot. They go through good times and bad times, but their love for each other grows stronger and stronger every day.)

BlockoBoi

Ballerii (this is gonna be one hell of a book)

Baller

(One day they meet this old ball named Dr. Ball. The older ball has gone through many ups and downs. He’s got a ton of experience and he’s seen a lot of balls in his day. Dr. Ball knows how the world works, and he tries to give the couple some advice. )

Baller

(The young balls don’t listen to Dr. Ball’s advice. This causes some friction between the couple. They start to argue about what they should do and how they should live their lives. Eventually Basketball decides to leave. Basketball runs away, and Baller is heartbroken. He never sees her again.)

Baller

(Baller takes up drinking. He feels angry, but he also feels depressed. He misses Basketball so much. After spending some time drinking, Baller meets this guy named Ballo-Ballo and they become friends… )

All of us are bags of meat with sticks propping them up, who happened to develop sentience

-Sun Tzu

Mario is a twink

I said what I said

Hey tumblr sweaties, wouldn't it be cool if we did this

We all start singing next to the White House. The President joins in. Someone asks us what we're doing, we start singing shriller and shriller until his head pops and the Earth cracks in half. we bring about the end of the World