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#queer writers – @helpmeimblorboing on Tumblr
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Welcome to my thoughts

@helpmeimblorboing / helpmeimblorboing.tumblr.com

Trust me, you won't enjoy the stay Biromantic abrosexual He/him . No one is unwelcome here other than bigots
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My main villain’s transformation over the years is so fucking funny, cause like he was born a fully-formed adult man out of a pool of liquid magma that spontaneously manifested inside his mother’s womb; had a depressive run-in with a human who tried to kill him after learning of his true nature, which taught him - this fledgling chick -about betrayal, and another with a small kid who died of sickness, teaching him about death.

And you know what he does after that ?

He takes an office job !! He just decides to integrate into human society. Sure, he incinerates any bosses who are overly rude to him and is an extreme taskmaster, but for all intents and purposes, he’s a loyal slave to capitalism

And then Damian shows up and ropes him into the Carneficina - this actual, literal terror cult composed of killers that is, in effect, actually a rather sweet family unit

So he becomes a greaser. Flaming motorbike and all, dragon tattoo running up his side, black hair slicked back with what looks like gel but is actually him purposefully making his hair shine to make it look like he puts gel in there. Carries around a gun that he effectively never uses, except for once when he enchanted its bullets to blow up inside his enemies’ flesh, solely for the sake of Rule Of Cool

And then the Red Massacre happened, and Serenity left the Carneficina. Damian became depressed, and all terror-y, murder shit grinds to a halt

So what does our intrepid antagonist do ? Go back to his old life ? Nah man !! He starts another cult named the Fireborn, positions himself as both its religious leader and god, and starts what is effectively a branching organisation, looping most cults of Dysphoria under the Fireborn’s sway. Like, this man has gone into full-on Satanic priest mode, goat-skull, red robes and all

And then one of his followers, the Pack Leader, betrays him and flees with a precious Artifact, and he chooses to give chase, ending up in London

And you know what this mad lad does next ? He grows himself a house (literally, out of the dirt like a tree) and settles in for the long haul, taking a job as a janitor and befriending the Pack Leader’s son as a fuck you to his former employee

Afarit, the man you are

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Just listened to Chappell Roan’s Good Luck Babe (great song btw) and this idea popped into my head.

The characters depicted are from my upcoming story Crimson Redux, and its eventual unnamed prequel book. This story, however, is non-canonical, though it shares some elements with the canon

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Writing is so painful because on the other hand putting these characters through hell is necessary for character development and plot progression, but on the other hand, I just want to let them be happy and together off in a cottage somewhere , and it is HURTING ME to do this to them

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Writing sex has many different flavors, up to and including - these people are literally melding into one holy being, cannibalism but make it sexy, giving going at it like animals a whole new meaning, and Ordinary Sex Scene

Pro tip : if your sex scene comes across like the two characters are seconds away from eating each other, you’re doing something right. Although far be it for me to tell you how you take your sex scenes

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More worldbuilding about my story (Crimson Redux) - the Manifestations

So, remember how my world had three gods -Dysthymia, god of psychological aspects, Dysphoria, god of visceral existence, and Alexithymia, god of emotions and indulgences ?

Well, while the gods themselves are sequestered away in a border-reality (though they can be brought into our reality via the spilling of Host-blood and a very specific ritual), they can express themselves into our world in three ways - those being Hosts, Manifestations, and Artifacts

A Host occurs when a god decides to show itself through a human being, essentially creating a human to act as a pseudo-vessel of its will, like an extraneous limb. Generally, these Hosts tend to have their own free will, which may or may not clash with the god’s (though most of the gods don’t really have their own will, save for Dysthymia). These Hosts have authority over all powers of the gods, though they tend to specialise in singular aspects, if only because it is downright impossible for a human body to bear the full brunt of divinity

An Artifact occurs when a crack in reality appears, usually centered around an OOP, an Object of Power. These Artifacts generally tend to lack their own will (save for Dysthymia’s, which can express Dysthymia’s will through itself) and generally grant their wearer immense power, though with a catch. They can also be used to greatly amplify a Host’s strength, along with the strength of the divine bond

A Manifestation, which is what we’ll be focusing on today, is when a god presents itself in a manner deemed bestial or creature-like. More animal, less human. Generally, these beasts are linked only tangentially to their gods, and, with the exception of Paris, Dysthymia’s Manifestation, tend to be extremely obedient to the Hosts

The Manifestations include :

Circe, the Manifestation of Alexithymia : this Manifestation appears in large water bodies as a vast spider-crab-looking creature, with its back and eyes poking out of the surface of the water, even as its immense legs stretch all the way to the bed of whatever body of water it appears in. Notably, its back is disguised almost perfectly as a lush, rocky-looking island, its eyes acting as two glittering seashells on the island’s sandy “beach”.

It feeds by drawing power from Alexithymia’s Desire aspect, as once its victim is within a certain range, it can create an image of whatever they desire on its rocky, islandlike back, in an attempt to lure them in. Should they not fall for it, however, it also has the ability to, as a last resort, project these images directly into the victim’s mind

Then, when they start sailing closer to the island, whether it be out of curiosity or because they’ve fallen into Circe’s trap, its crab like head, set at the end of trunklike stalk, snaps out, swordblade mandibles closing around the victim’s vessel and swallowing them whole

Paris, the Manifestation of Dysthymia : This creature hides itself in forests, its seven stalklike necks the perfect girth to be disguised as tree trunks

Appearing as a strange creature with pale-silver, clammy skin, it has the abdomen of a giant spider, holding itself up on thirteen sharp-edged legs that are easily disguised as yet more tree trunks. However, instead of a thorax, from its end protrude seven stalklike necks, each one topped with a giant bald human head, eyes wide and white, mouths stretched into painful-looking rictus grins

It feeds by luring people into its forests, usually by producing an entrancing tune by rubbing the coarse skin of its necks against its abdomen. Once a - preferably human - victim has been lured close enough, one of its heads snaps out and devours it

Now comes the real twist. Drawing power from the Shapeshifter aspect of Dysthymia, the head that devoured the human can now detach from the main body and transform into a near-perfect replica of said human (it can’t be actually perfect, because, according to the rules of the world, only a human can transform into a perfect human). It now usually goes back to that person’s home and attempts to integrate itself into their family, eventually luring them all out to be eaten by Paris. Seven such forms can exist at one time

Scylla, the Manifestation of Dysphoria - This creatures dwells in oceans, its vast, serpentine form too big to be held by any lesser type of water body

It is described as so big it cannot be seen at once, its grey-blue scales blending perfectly in with the murky oceanwater it calls home. In addition to its vast coils, it also bears a hundred heads, twenty of them sprouting, traditionally, from the end of its undulating body, though the other eighty are scattered across its form, jutting erratically out from random parts of its vast coils. Its eyes are described as “larger in diameter than a small dinghy” and its teeth look like “forests of sharp, silver blades”. A constant storm of seawater pours from its black, forked tongues, even when it’s not in the sea

Notably, its powers are more brutish than its fellows. It’s connection to Dysphoria’s The Deep aspect grants it macrohydrokinesis, the ability to move, summon and shape vast quantities of water, in any form, up to and including cloud formations and glaciers

Comment if you wanna hear about the Hosts and the Artifacts !!

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God, being the protagonist of my story (Crimson Redux) is literal hell because imagine having a dad who’s a serial killer only to find out that no, actually he’s more of a monster hunter, before then finding out that no, he serial killed on the side too actually, and then finding out that he used to work for your best friend.

And if that wasn’t enough, imagine finding out that not only did your dad and best friend fuck while your dad worked for him, not only was your friend the dom, but the earring your dad wears all the time is actually one of your friend’s teeth, and the reason he’s never taken it off is that it’s hoop has been welded shut.

Oh, and if all that somehow wasn’t enough, imagine finding out that your dad was into pup play.

Which you really should have seen coming, given the wolf’s-head-earring welded to his other ear, but oh well

Good god. Poor James

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More about my story (Crimson Redux)

So, remember the three gods that rule my world ? (If you don’t, just click on the #crimson redux and scroll until you do), well, fun fact !! Two of them - Alexithymia and Dysphoria - are barely sapient driven only by a desire to cause widespread emotion in Alexithymia’s case, and widespread destruction and/or creation in Dysphoria’s

Dysthymia, however ? She is VERY aware, possessing a mind of her own, her own will, and her own might. And she’s driven by the deep-set desire to reincarnate her “parent god”

You see, the Three Gods - Dysthymia of the Mind, Dysphoria of the Body, and Alexithymia of the Heart - didn’t just come into existence one day. The story goes, essentially, that once upon a time, there was a great, unnamed god, who died, his form splitting into his body, his heart, his mind, and a few particles that were left behind, and rained down onto Earth, eventually giving rise to humanity

As you may have guessed, those parts - body, heart, mind - are exactly the pieces that would eventually evolve into Dysphoria, Alexithymia and Dysthymia

Naturally, Dysthymia, born curious, seeks to learn all that she can, and, knowing everything there is to know about the world that humanity resides on, and the space that extends beyond it, now seeks to delve into the past, to learn the knowledge possessed by her forefather

So, now she seeks to remerge the three gods together, to reform the original parent god, and learn all he had to teach, confident that her sibling’s mindlessness meant that she would retain her own mind

Thing is, the reincarnation of their original parent entity wouldn’t just kill the Gods. It would also slaughter humanity, since we were composed of the crumbling “dust” that fell from between the three when they first split

Of course, Dysthymia doesn’t give a shit

Naturally, this means that Dysthymia cannot, under any circumstances, reveal this plan to her host, Serenity, who would naturally be pissed at her for it. This is also the reason why Serenity’s powers are so muted when compared to Damian’s or Afarit’s. Dysthymia is literally keeping the full extent of her might from him, to stop him from learning too much

However, there does exist one Avatar willing to aid Dysthymia, even if it means his own death. And he is Peter Eriksson, the Dominus Oculus of the Panopticon, aligned to the Surveillance aspect of Dysthymia, and also Serenity’s half-brother, not that Serenity knows about it

This leads to plenty of nagging from Dysthymia - “why can’t you be more like Peter ? Look how obedient he is ? Learn something !!”

All in all, this means that the dynamic between them is rather like the dynamic between an unloved kid and that one cousin who always gets praised by their mom

Basically, a lot of resentment, and, if possible, even more awkwardness

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More about my story (Crimson Redux)

“Two Birds", is SUCH a SpringFang-coded songs, I swear it's like away like Regina Spektor reached across aeons to pluck the idea out of my head

Like, "I'll believe it all, I won't let go of your hand", for Damian and Serenity vowing to stay loyal to each other ? That night in the green meadow, the River of Heaven making its way across the black fabric of the sky above them, its stars coating them with an unearthly radiance. "Us till the end of the line" ?

"I'm tired" for after Serenity has his epiphany ? When he finally, painfully, decides to leave the Carneficina ? To separate himself from Fang, once and all, breaking the oath they took so many years. "One more or one less, nobody's worried", him reassuring Damian that no one will miss him after he leaves ? That the Carneficina will continue on without him ? Only for Damian to reply with "I will" ?

"But one's never going to let go of that wire", reflecting how entrenched Damian is in his violence and madness ? How he's never going to be able to follow Serenity out into the light and peace, because of how deeply scarred he is ? And Serenity knows that, knows that leaving the violence and madness of the Carneficina behind him is tantamount to abandoning him ? And leaves, anyways ?

God, I am so normal about these two, I swear

Just the fact that Serenity leaving is a desperately -needed act of self-preservation on his part, and that had he stayed, the violent terror of the Carneficina would have no doubt broken him down to nothing in due time

But it’s still a tragedy, because Damian losing Serenity means losing one of the few things in existence that anchored him to something other than madness and death

It means that he’ll have to stop himself from spiralling into madness alone - that he’ll be the only one who would even CARE, because most of the Carneficina see him as mad already - with only the memories of Serenity to sustain him

And to Serenity, Damian was the first person outside of his sister to show him unconditional love and kindness. Damian was the one that proved to him that he COULD be desired, that he was WORTHY of love

Leaving him isn’t an easy decision for Serenity by any means. It’s akin to pulling out a splinter - it’s more painful than just leaving it there would be, but leaving it there would cause more harm in the long term

Fun fact - the night they parted was a cloudy one. You know what that means ? It means that while the River of Heaven was right there, above their heads, neither of them could see it. And the dark, stormy clouds ensured that even if they looked for it, they couldn’t find it

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Afarit, making the decision to disguise himself and head down to London to investigate what the fuck is going on with James Harrison/Barker- Aw yiss, I am so cool and badass and everyone should fear me

Afarit, meeting James - Good lord, this kid has no sense of self-preservation. Fine, I guess I’ll take care of him for now. But I won’t get too attached

James - (sticks to Afarit like a leech, acts obscenely cute)

Afarit -

Afarit - Fuck

And now, the long-awaited sequel to this post, Serenity seeing James’ house for the first time

Serenity - James, why does your door have a ho-

James- (shuffles nervously)

Serenity -

Serenity- This… is your house ? Like you’re sure ? We didn’t stumble into an… abandoned plot or something ? You really live like this ?

James- (nods slightly)

Serenity - Get in the car. We’ll draw up the papers later. You’re my kid now

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