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#character death – @helpmeimblorboing on Tumblr
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Welcome to my thoughts

@helpmeimblorboing / helpmeimblorboing.tumblr.com

Trust me, you won't enjoy the stay Biromantic abrosexual He/him . No one is unwelcome here other than bigots
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The white sand crumbles beneath Gilgamesh’ feet.

The blood of the bull he had personally sacrificed in Enkidu’s honour stained it a deep scarlet, red as the blood that once flowed in Enkidu’s veins, that yet flowed in Gilgamesh’s - for after all his tribulations, the truth that he was a man still struck at him like a viper

Before him sits the baked clay coffin that houses his love. By him kneels a weeping woman, eyes painted, a prostitute’s cord-crown circling her braided black hair. Her name is Shamhat, his men reassure him, and she loved Enkidu dearly

About him sing the priests of the gods, exhorting Ereshkigal to hold the great Wild Man well. It was meaningless. Gilgamesh had seen the depths of Namtar, and it was naught but dust.

He longs for it, now. With Enkidu by his side, even dust would taste like the sweetest honey. And without him, even the richest wine was bitter and tasteless

Before him stands a great statue of gold, lapis in its eyes. It was wrong, all wrong. Beautiful, certainly, but the face was wrong. Too coldly serene, like a god's face. The sculptor never saw Enkidu alive.

It had taken the palace sculptors seven tries before Ninsun finally stepped him and forced him to approve the eighth. Seven statues for the seven nights that civilised his love, the seven nights that doomed his love

Far beyond the walls, Gilgamesh can see a flock of gazelles on the hillside. Beasts live unknowing and die without fear. A man could envy them

His hand falls and rests on Shamhat’s shoulder, heavy and pressing. She looks up with tear-stained features, clearly expecting a rebuke or an insult - and indeed, Gilgamesh was tempted. What was this priestess of Ishtar doing mourning one doomed by her patron ?

But he was tired. And hate did not become one mourning his love

“Cheer up girl”, he says, his voice heavy, “Everything dies. Even ones loved. Especially ones loved”

Kings are clay, and then dust. So are cities. All that lives is wild and untamed - gods and animals, shapeless and uncivilised

Writing tablets go to dust, too. But words on clay can be copied, and copied again, outlasting memory. Stories are like animals, as wild, as untamed, as shapeless

The dead eat dust. The dead eat clay and dirt, and words pressed into earth will always remain. Those gone speak with voices of earth

He turns to one of his advisors.

"Bring me a scribe," says Gilgamesh the king. He'll see his story written before he dies, “and tell him to prepare. The story of Gilgamesh and Enkidu is a long one”

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The world passes by, and it’s cold. The gravestone is warm. In the depths of Achilles’ fevered mind, he thinks it still smells like Patroclus, the warmth of his skin, the cypress smell of his clothes

He kneels in the frozen dirt, and twigs dig into his skin like the claws of the Furies his mother used to tell him about, screaming, raving spirits of vengeance, risen from the other world to punish him - how dare you let him die !! How dare you let him hurt !!

He thinks he’s been kneeling here for years, but that can’t be right. The Sunday chill is still in the air, and the wind carries the smell of his corpse, limp and dead

The stone is simple, just a slab of rock, words carved into its face - PATROCLUS MENOITIADES 1995-2024

He thinks there should be an “Achilles” scrawled beside it. He thinks he might be dead, too

He remembers how he looked, in those final days, eyes sunken, face shriveled. Skinny as a twig. So unlike the Patroclus he loved that he was half-convinced it was a prank

They said it was pneumonia. Achilles thinks it was Fate herself, playing a cruel joke on him

The weather was calm, almost irritatingly so. Briseis came by to leave out some coffee and donuts for him, lest he ended up starving himself to death, but that was hours ago. And Achilles’ stomach felt like a black hole. He hungered for only one thing, and that was now forever beyond his reach

By now, the cup contained only black-brown sludge, and critters had devoured whatever remained of the donuts. As he watched, one of them nibbled on a crumb

He derived some vicious satisfaction in squishing it, leaving behind a smear of black blood on the rim of the plate. If he had to suffer, so would everyone around him

Maybe, if he sits out here long enough, he’ll catch pneumonia, too. Maybe then he’ll finally be able to follow Patroclus over to the other world. Maybe then he would finally get to be happy

A hoarse voice cleared its throat right behind him. The man was wearing doctor’s scrubs, having just gotten off work. Achilles flinched. It seemed unfazed, “I’m sorry for your loss”

Achilles didn’t respond

Hector continued, “We did everything we could, but it was too late for him. All we could do was-“

“Shut up”, his voice was sharper then he remembered, hoarse and rusty from screaming, like shattered glass, “Shut up before I gouge out your eyes”

“I understand you’re upset”, Hector’s voice was placating. Achilles wanted to kill him, “but it’s not OUR fault”

“I thought I told you something”, his voice was dead, lifeless as his love, right under him, like all the nights they had spent together, “Let me repeat it - shut up”

“Right…”, Hector paused, before clearing his throat, “Briseis wants to know if you’re okay”

Achilles was silent. After a long moment, the tell-tale sounds of a man shuffling away reached him. He didn’t move

After a long moment, he rose to his feet. At the gates of the cemetery, Automedon, clearly worried, perked up slightly at the sight

“Boss”, he called, “The car’s waiting”

“Is…”, Achilles cleared his throat, “Is Mom…”

“She’s at the house”, he swallowed. Hard, “She wants to see you”

“I…”, the breath he drew in was ragged and torn, as he turned back towards the grave, feeling oddly like he was chopping off a limb by leaving this place, “I…”

His mother had never liked Patroclus. But these last few weeks… she had changed. For some reason, the thought of her son losing his heart seemed to get her to finally show the young - so young, too young - man some compassion.

Who knows ? Maybe she had a change of heart.

“Boss ?”, Automedon sounded a bit nervous. He idly scratched the back of his head, “Lady Thetis said she wants you inside by sundown, lest you…”, he swallowed, “…end up like him”

Achilles resisted the urge to bark out a pained laugh. Isn’t that what she always told him would. come of associating with the likes of his beloved ? A bastard, a disgrace, someone disowned by his own family ?

How odd that, now that he was dead, those words were repeated, and with such a different meaning

“Boss ?”

“Yeah”, Achilles turned towards his friend, and was a bit disappointed to not be faced with a funeral hearse, “M’coming”

It seemed improper, for a corpse to be carried around in his mother’s gleaming black Chevrolet Cameron, but he supposed after it had carried his mother around for years, it was used to carting around wounded souls

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