Belphie: Hate it when you're wearing "military-esque" clothing like camo pants or combat boots and some old vet asks you if you're from a military family like fuck off papa war crimes I'm appropriating your culture here.
Belphie: Got tired of waiting for the toaster so I convinced everyone else to eat a human delicacy called "cold toast".
Belphie: It's now their favorite breakfast food.
Satan: Hm, apparently 13.8% of cigarette smokers do not consider cigarette butts to be "litter"
Mammon: When I used to smoke I always ate the butts
Belphie, nodding: Thank you for saving our planet
#obey me#obey me!#obey me masters#shall we date obey me#obey me shall we date#obey me one master to rule them all#obey me satan#satan obey me#shall we date satan#satan swd#mammon#obey me mammon#mammon obey me#shall we date mammon#mammon swd#belphegor#obey me belphegor#belphegor obey me#shall we date belphegor#belphegor swd#source: tumblr
Belphie: "I don't buy flowers for girls because they die" yeah well so do the flowers
Levi:
Levi: Everybody go tf home I have officially found a worse name for eyes than "orbs"
Belphie: I can't believe I had to read this with my own balls
Levi: When you spell hamster with a P that's gaslighting actually
Belphie, pranking him: You seem to be confused again. I think you've just been tired lately or maybe you're starting to forget things because it's always been spelled hampster :) Your memory is failing and it's just your mind playing tricks on you. You've always been like this after all...
Levi: Despite how horrifying horses are, they don't have the requisite dexterity to play League of Legends and therefore they will never be as disgusting as us.
Belphie, looking to fuck with someone: Haha horses don't need limbs to play video games, their brains are wired right into the mainfr
Belphie:
Levi: T-they killed him...
Belphie: *in a horse accent* No I'm fine! :-)
[NSFW Mention]
Asmo: I hate the word nut. Cum is a nicer word~
Belphie: "Oh look at the squirrels storing cum for the winter"
Asmo: I regret this
Satan: People who sleep without socks on make me worry
Belphie: People who sleep WITH socks on are not to be trusted
Levi: Lmao people who sleep are weird
Mammon: I was a sock once
#did a lot of hot takes here you guys can argue about it in the tags#it's just the funniest concept to me that every time belphie goes to take a nap he always has to take his socks off#belphie: *wakes up and puts his socks on*#belphie: *doesn't feel like getting up*#belphie: *takes his socks off and goes back to sleep#obey me#obey me!#obey me masters#shall we date obey me#obey me shall we date#obey me one master to rule them all#obey me satan#satan obey me#shall we date satan#satan swd#belphegor#obey me belphegor#shall we date belphegor#belphegor swd#leviathan#obey me leviathan#leviathan obey me#shall we date leviathan#leviathan swd#mammon#obey me mammon#mammon obey me#shall we date mammon#mammon swd#source: tumblr
Belphie: Haters will see you kill someone and be like "hey that guy's a murderer" ://
Belphie: Hi
Lucifer: That's a slur.
Belphie: Why is it so hard to be nice to you
Levi: Wow peekaboo really is just making fun of babies for not understanding object permanence
Belphie: I've made fun of babies for less
Belphie: I can't express how much I hate fucking bees
Mammon: Then stop fucking bees???? It's a really simple solution 🤪
Belphie: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT
Satan: Is there really anything better than kissing a cat's soft belly?
Belphie: Kissing a cat's soft forehead and hearing them go brrrrrb?
Satan: You're so fucking right.
Belphie: I need some serotonin.
Beel: *stands up*
Beel: *sits back down*
Beel: I forgot what serotonin was for a second so I was about to get you some...
Asmo: Being kissed in your sleep is like...the purest form of love 🥺
Belphie: Unless you're home alone
#he speaks from experience#obey me#obey me!#obey me masters#shall we date obey me#obey me shall we date#obey me one master to rule them all#asmodeus#obey me asmodeus#asmodeus obey me#shall we date asmodeus#asmodeus swd#belphegor#obey me belphegor#belphegor obey me#shall we date belphegor#belphegor swd#source: twitter
Belphie: Going through the old recipe box and found an index card that just says
- gallon vinegar
- pound sugar
Belphie: What the fuck is this supposed to make
Levi: Potion of shit yourself to death