heaven-is-my-hell reblogged
heaven-is-my-hell reblogged
I GOT A FUCKING RAISE THE POTATO WORKED WTF
This potato works. Every. Fucking. Time.
Then bring me luck
the day after I posted this last time I was notified that I was selected for a really cool mentorship gig and got an unrelated glowing review at work
Hey Potato, cure my -ing cold so I can have a good time while away.
Here's the potato. Make what use of it you will. :)
heaven-is-my-hell reblogged
This does not include obligatory 18+/16+ warnings on websites or online shopping - this is purely how others perceive you. Feel free to leave your age in the tags and how many apply to you!
Once I got IDed for requesting hot, nonalcoholic mulled cider at a grocery store tasting. Guy wanted me to get my parents to show him that I was allowed to taste the cider.
I was twenty seven.
Stopped at a shop on my way home from work to buy a pack of cigarettes, girl behind the counter asks me for ID. Very confused, because this has never happened to me before, I hand over my drivers license. Girl looks at it, looks back at me, looks down again, then hands over my ID and the cigarettes and whispers to herself, “what the fuck.”
I was 38.
heaven-is-my-hell reblogged
I posted this and immediately got a call about an interview #nevergiveup
heaven-is-my-hell reblogged
This is Money Snake. She only appears every 312 years.
If you reblog her picture within the next twenty-five seconds you will have good luck and fortune for the rest of your life.
I reblogged her late last year and my 2024 has been very satisfying work-wise and (secure enough to not stress out) money-wise so far. Money Snake is wise and good.
heaven-is-my-hell reblogged
bigandlong
If you see this on your dashboard, reblog this, NO MATTER WHAT and all your dreams and wishes will come true.
heaven-is-my-hell reblogged
This is Money Snake. She only appears every 312 years.
If you reblog her picture within the next twenty-five seconds you will have good luck and fortune for the rest of your life.
heaven-is-my-hell reblogged
nice-worm-deactivated20200906
reblog the money pigeon for a financially stable future
heaven-is-my-hell reblogged
I'm going absolutely bonkers over this
heaven-is-my-hell reblogged
• An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.
• A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.
• A bar was walked into by the passive voice.
• An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.
• Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”
• A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.
• Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.
• A question mark walks into a bar?
• A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.
• Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Get out – we don’t serve your type.”
• A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.
• A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.
• Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.
• A synonym strolls into a tavern.
• At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar – fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.
• A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.
• Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.
• A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.
• An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.
• The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.
• A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.
• The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
• A dyslexic walks into a bra.
• A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.
• A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.
• A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.
• A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony
- Jill Thomas Doyle
heaven-is-my-hell reblogged
the best way i can think to describe the experience of reading moby dick is you’re in line at the dmv and this guy behind you very loudly says “well who HASN’T had a gay experience” and then proceeds to tell you every detail about his life in between anecdotes about how great sperm is and how ropes work and sometimes he’ll say the most poetic shit you’ve ever heard in your life and them jump RIGHT back into explaining how a whale is a fish because 1) it swims in water and you’re still only like halfway through the dmv line
heaven-is-my-hell reblogged
Me, in tears, halfway through writing a 300 word essay: I can’t do this anymore
Person on A03 who’s writing for fun:
Inconvenient Truth: these are the same person
Yeah, well, I can’t stretch out that review of 16th century economics by adding a gratuitous hand job.
heaven-is-my-hell reblogged
Question: do I have any gay male followers who would find it offensive to read a gay man admitting to his lover that he once considered marrying an ex-girlfriend - despite knowing he was gay - because he'd been raised with certain ideas about what "normal" was?
Just showed this to my brother and he said no, he wouldn't find it offensive, in fact he once thought about doing exactly that even when he was raised by hippies (and me) and so 'normal' was just not a thing in our house in any respect. He said he just had a moment where he thought life might be easier if he married the pretty girl from down the street, because the idea of having to constantly come out sounded exhausting, and then he remembered that he's super gay and decided to stick to water for the rest of the night.
Your commenter was def a troll, deleting is advised x
heaven-is-my-hell reblogged
heaven-is-my-hell reblogged
“Seventeen things you have to learn for yourself as a Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning, Intersex, Asexual, Pansexual or otherwise Queer youth by the time you are seventeen. One is that the first Pride was a riot I don’t mean that it was full of laughter, or that it was some grand party where everyone spiraled up to dance among the stars because the only glittering that night was broken glass on cobblestones. The first Pride was a riot on the backstreets of New York and they never tell us that night we won. The only protest in a decade full of turmoil where the cops had to hide out in the bar they raided and run from shouting rioters who fought to reclaim the only patch of ground they had ever claimed as theirs the first Pride was a riot, and two, around the same time it took place it was a debated topic in the gay community whether or not they should say that they weren’t mentally ill which, three, homosexuality was removed from the American Psychiatric Association’s list of mental illnesses in 1974 congratulations all it took was a vote to declare that, whoops, we were never mentally ill except, four, there are still teenagers being tortured today in what some dare blaspheme as “therapy” used to destroy their self-identity in the hopes of making them normal. except, four, the queer community still carries overwhelmingly high rates for poverty and homelessness and depression. Did you know that, five, over half the children forced into conversion therapy commit suicide? And six, that lesbians were regarded as “hangers-on” of the movement by much of the gay community before the AIDS crisis? Because it turns out, seven can wear a rainbow on your shirt and still be a bigot. There are people who stick rainbows in their ears or wear them on their fingers or slap them across their cheeks in badges of defiance and will still hate you for the color of your skin or the size of your thighs or your gender or the way you like to kiss two or more genders or none of the above. Don’t ask me why this happens it just does I think it might be that we’ve all been taught to hate ourselves for so damn long that we don’t understand what to do in a space with no hate. Or maybe it’s that the space seems too small, because eight, there are people who will tell you that you are not enough that you do not reach the magical benchmark of “gay enough” to pass through the gate even especially when you are some flavor of the rainbow other than straight-out gay. eight, this is bullshit eight, those people are bullshit. eight, you are enough. eight, there is always enough room. nine, there is no overarching “homosexual agenda” sorry we’re all kind of flailing along in here trying to figure out some way to make it work when most of us have nothing in common except that society looked at us in different ways and decided we didn’t fit so we could all go be misfits together under one big rainbow flag but just so you know, ten, there are plenty of other flags there is one for you, I promise and eleven, misfits may not all need the same things but we need to stick together, especially in a world where twelve—refer to point seven—there are lesbians who hate other lesbians for having the audacity to be born in a body that everyone looked at and saw “boy” which brings me to thirteen, there is so much to understand. fourteen, you need to understand because we need to stick together and to stick together we do not have to be the same but we do have to understand and it will be hard because you were probably thrown into this world with no warning because fifteen, being queer is not genetic and we are not unique among minorities in that we collect our heritage through broken bits of history and research in a world constantly working to make those misfit bits go away but we are unique in that when we try to prove our legacy we can be laughed down or re-erased or flat out ignored but I swear to you you have a history as old as Alexander the Great as beautiful as Sappho as dignified as Abraham Lincoln and as proud as Eleanor Roosevelt. But even with that behind us sixteen, they have always watched us die. because even though the bystander effect is bullshit, sixteen Kitty Genovese was a lesbian, sixteen Ronald Reagan is a mass murderer, sixteen our children, your brothers and sisters and siblings of all stripes and all colors and sexualities and genders are being murdered through neglect and rejection and hate. Sixteen, there is an entire generation of gay and bisexual men missing from history because the government chose to do nothing when they were dying by the thousands. sixteen, we died from the disease and died from going back into the closet and died for staying there and died for coming out, sixteen, they laughed at us because they believed god was punishing us for daring to love, sixteen, ashes of your forerunners rest on the lawn of the White House because SIXTEEN, THEY HAVE ALWAYS WATCHED US DIE. SEVENTEEN you are allowed to be angry. You do not have to be one of the nice gays or one of the nice trans people or sweet or kind or educate the rest of the world in something less than a yell you are allowed to be so furious it scalds your bones at the way we are forgotten and passed over at the way, as soon as June becomes July we are expected to go back to dying in silence and mourning our dead and kissing all alone when no one can be offended at the sight of us. You are allowed to be angry and scream down the stars to shatter like broken glass at your feet because you know what? The first Pride was a riot.”
—
October 11 (via spondee-soliloquy)
UPDATE FROM 2017: it’s officially been a year since I first wrote and posted this and it’s taken off and grown in ways I could never, ever have imagined. Thank you, all of you, for listening.
If you’re not sick of listening to me ramble yet, I’ve put up an annotated version of this poem here, including links to some sources and some of my own personal thoughts and feelings on what I put into this poem.
heaven-is-my-hell reblogged
Disinfecting Pericles who died from the plague in 429 B.C.
It’s a little late now.