aaa, encontré el nombre de unas de las pelís. soy el angel preferido de dios 𖹭ֶֶֶָָָ֢֢֢

¡¡ this is fate worse than death !! (*<- can't remember the name of the films they wanted to watch*)

on another note, i can't find that one film's name i wanted to see. i could have sworn i saved, but i didn't. the worst part is that i only remember via some screencaps i saw here .. !!

i'm getting so tired of being in this same endless cycle--by that i mean internally letting myself wilt. i want to grow, and yet i keep cutting away any buds of change. because i am as afraid of the petals as i am of the thorns.

i am the gardner who fears the flowerbed because they're terrified of their hands... of what they made do. so the soil remains barren.

i realize that i always think of what may go wrong regarding what i create--what if i water something too much, and it dies? what if i pull the roots in search of weeds? what if, what if, what if...

yet, i come to understand now, that i will make mistakes in my growth. that i am robbing myself of nurturing beautiful things in fear of potentially destroying them. perhaps, i will destroy them... wilt them... but, if my hope and patience are still in it--if the roots are still alive--i can always try again.

i want growth. i have a seed packet of daffodils in my pocket.

whoever bought la esclava that i wanted--with the engraved images of the archangels under the roses--just know that you could never love it like my transsexual heart can .. !!

i hate this fuck ass country !!

... i have a job interview today, and i... am so nervous my tummy hurts .. !!

this is hell... red sea, you've made home in my body and i'm drowning.

when i'm at the mercy of indeed.com and company sites¹

───────────────────────────

¹ is seeking employment

i sliced a bit of my pointer finger trying to cut rose stems

(–˛ — º)