❝Forbidden pursuits❞

☾︎✰❛❀ Gwayne hightower x Fem! Reader x Alicent hightower

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: You, a Cole of Stormlands and one of the ladies in waiting, had been indulged with the green queen for quite a time. It just so happened that her brother came to king's landing and you truly realised the beauty of the hightowers. Something that could get you in tremendous trouble.

𝐈𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞𝐬/𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: Sexual themes, kissing, jealousy, homophobia, mentions of patriarchy and death, class differences and slightly possessive behaviour.

You were soaking in bliss.

One of her hands cupped your cheeks, her thumb lazily running circles around them as her other held your waist tightly. Like you would run away and never come back. She always did that, holding you in her grasp so closely, like she couldn't get close enough, as though you both could become one. Alicent Hightower, or rather, the queen, was unable to do anything under your touch, she went so weak and you didn't even know it.

You first met her after the tourneys, after your brother defeated the rogue prince. She had already seen your brother, but stopped dead in her tracks as her eyes fell on you, so beautiful as you talked with Criston inside the castle walls. Her chest bundling up with feelings that were improper and forbidden for a lady. Especially when it came to another one. After her unfortunate marriage, she did become close with your brother—but you? avoided as if you were the plague. To her, you were always a forbidden thing. Something she can never have.

Or rather never allow herself to have.

But after the infamous engagement night of princess Rhaenyra and ser Laenor, as she saved ser Criston, all she could think about was you. If your brother was banished or hanged, you would be heartbroken. And also, your reputation will also be ruined, she felt this need to protect you—to keep you close to her. And you would probably move away. Considering all of them, she saved the life of your brother.

Afterwards, she allowed herself to interact with you, convincing herself that it was only right that she gets to know his family after doing such a huge favour for him. Refusing to even the thought that it was all just an excuse to see you. And yet, she found herself staring at your lips as you spoke, having the urge to grab you and kiss them so strong it scared her. You scared her. All these things, these horrifying feelings she felt, how out of control her mind because at just your mere presence? well she could already imagine the look on her father. Of disgust.

Especially when Criston started talking to you about marriage, to have a lord from a suitable house be betrothed to you. He had thought Alicent would be thrilled about that idea as he proposed it, now that he had her favour. Little did he know she was nowhere near happy about it. You, who held her fragile heart in your hands without even knowing it, you, who made her skin shiver at even the mere thought of you—you, who was the bane of her existence yet the object of all her very desires. You.

How could she let anyone else steal you and your heart?

She let your brother on, avoiding the subject as long as she could. After all she was being selfish. You were probably nothing like her, you must fawn over knights and lords. Dream of marrying one. You would never share her— those absurd feelings she refused to ever acknowledge. There was no point in keeping you close to her. Until that night took place.

The night you kissed her.

You and her had been sitting in her bed in her private chambers, eating dinner and talking all the gossips about the castle. With you, she felt like a young girl she used to be with Rhaenyra. She had just put baby Helena to bed, well the maids did, but she watched. She never really knew how to take care of her children, when she felt like a child herself.

But with you, there was peace, happiness and a bubbling feeling in her chest. This was the sole moment between you and her, just alone in the comforts of her chamber. This felt oddly intimate to her, but she was sure it was nothing like that to you or any other ordinary lady who liked spending time with friends. She remembers it so well.

“And” you speak, barely able to control your laughter, “her baby looked quite like the Ser Arthur might I add, instead of her husband. She didn't even deny that when I asked.”

Alicent smiles, her chest bundling with joy at the sight of you laughing. She loved seeing you happy, the curve of your jaw and the lashes of your eyes, they were strangely so perfect. Everything about you aligned all so perfectly, she wondered if you even knew. If she herself even knew how much she craved you.

“Your grace?” she hears you speak out, snapping out of her momenterlly thoughts containing you, “are you listening?”

A frown appeared on her face. You had never called her by her name. Always so formal. She never objected since she felt the eyes of her father's little birds everywhere, and it would be inappropriate for one to think that the queen was giving a companion this much liberty. Especially when that companion just so happened to be a lady. But right now? this moment was just yours and hers.

“You can call me Alicent.” She says, a bare softness in her tone, “I tend to believe we are close friends now.

You formed an ‘oh’ shape in your lips, slowly and hesitantly nodding. She waited, to hear those words out of you. To see how her name would sound like from your mouth.

“Okay, Alicent.”

Gods, it was heaven. Her eyes widened, a quick hitch escaping her. You..said her name? and it sounded so sweet, so pure coming from you. Like she has just gotten something she didn't know she had been craving and aching for until now. If heaven existed, it was you for her.

She couldn't help herself before words came spilling out of her mouth, “Say it again.” your eyes widen, a bit overwhelmed and shook. It seemed she herself was surprised at her own request, but didn't convey any further. You gulped, unknowingly a shiver coming down your spine. This felt...close and personal. This felt forbidden.

“....Alicent.”

“Again.”

Your head looks up at her, “I.... Alicent?”You see her sigh, her chest heaving. You notice there's a bite of the stew you both ate a few minutes ago, on her lips. Without thinking, you reach out your hand, her breath hitches as your thumb brushes against her lower lip. You got caught in a haze, your thumb slowly lingering a bit longer than it should. Her eyes, brown and wide, stared at you with a look you couldn't quite figure out. All you knew was that your heart was beating faster than ever, moonlight striking on her beautiful face as the winds seemed to slow down. You did not know what came to you, when your head leaned in so close to her's, your foreheads touching.

And your lips softly brushed against hers.

It was slow at first, but you got the steady—ness you needed when she moved her lips against yours. That she did not pull away, with a disgusted look. If you had kissed her before she had gotten married, perhaps she would have. But at this moment? when she was mother to two and in a marriage with a man twice her age, she wouldn't let go of any chance of happiness. Of love. Of her truest desires. You. She grabbed your neck, pulling you even closer with a surprising desperation and ache. Humming quietly as she felt the taste of your lips, pink and rosemary. It was so, better, and softer compared to Viserys. It was everything she wanted. Needed.

After that day, she told you—or rather asked for you to stay by her side. That she'd make you one of her ladies—in—waiting. It was surprising, that Alicent wanted you all the time after the very moment you both shared. Because of the fact that she used to go to the sept every day after seeing you, praying to the gods for them to rid her of this feeling, this sin. The one she felt every time she saw you. But after that kiss? how could it be wrong if it felt all so right?

So you stayed. And she took it as a blessing. Took you as one. Because to her, you were.

And now there you are, tangled in each other after all these years. It had been a few weeks, since her husband's death. Yet she felt more free than ever before.

You had been laying beside her in her bed, only the sheets covering both your bodies. She turned to look at you, pupils expanding at the sight of you. Alicent nestled her face in the crook of your neck, as you felt a blush rise up your cheeks. This—even after all the chaos of the court and her children, this was heaven.

“Y/N?” you heard her muffled voice speak up, tilting your chin to get a better look.

“Hmm?”

She peaked her head up, the sunlight and its rays coming up to reflect on both of you, the morning was still early and it was her most favourite part of the day. Because you were there, wrapped up in her. Alicent's fingers traced up from your jaw to your cheeks and eventually settling on to caress your forehead and eye brows. She was always so attentive and gentle in how she took care of you, as if you were her most prized possession. She wondered how a breathing living soul could have this much power over her.

“I—” she hesitates, not because she's unsure but because she's afraid you are, “I love you.”

Your eyes blow wide open, lips parting. Of course, it was evident you both cared and lusted for each other, but love? you did feel a brewing in your chest every time you saw your brother looking at her with loving eyes, or her smiling at him in return. And perhaps a sick yet joyous feeling in your chest as she would kiss your cheek while baby Aegon or Aemond had been playing in your lap years ago. A swelling feeling of something you did know would only result in heartbreak.

She was the queen, the very queen of the seven kingdoms. While you came from a steward's house with no land or title to yourself.

And now she was telling you she shared your love? that she was in love with you? No. It couldn't happen. You were a woman, and so was she. Even if that boat sailed a long time ago, it still did not change the fact that this was wrong and frowned upon in so many ways. You could even be beheaded, hanged or much worse. Besides, she doesn't mean it. How could she? you were you, while she was everything. Even if she's saying it now, when she comes out of the daze, she'll regret every thing she said.

“I—no!” you get up, shrinking away from her embrace. Alicent follows your movement, a sudden fear and heartache in her eyes. “I..I can't do that.”

“Do what? Y/N, I'm sorry if I upsetted you—”

You interrupt her, harshly, “No!” your chest becomes heavy, breathing ragged. “You have no idea what you're saying and I...I will never share the same feelings.”

Suddenly you regret saying that, saying anything. Because she has a pool of tears forming in her eye lids.

You realise it is because of you. Of course that was a lie, you loved her more than you thought possible. Alicent Hightower had your heart the moment you had seen her, but now? You had possibly lost the best thing of your life. All because of insecurity. You just did not know how much you really did mess up, until it becomes too late. Hightowers don't let anyone get away with hurting them, you should have known that. Especially when another one was about to come in your life.

It had been a month and twelve days since you had not talked to Alicent.

So much had happened in that time. Aegon's son, Jahaerys, a baby, was executed while in his sleep. A period of mourning followed. She did not come to you once, instead being cold to her own son and preferring the company of your brother instead. You knew that when he was made the hand of the king, they both sitting together and even smiling at hallways.

Maybe you were being paranoid, but it was well deserved after what you had done.

However, the aftermath of the little boy's death, and speculation of it being Rhaenyra's hand, Aegon came to you. He knew you since he was a little baby, and saw you as a second mother. Perhaps you were more than Alicent was. He cried, confided how nobody in his council understands him—how his own mum doesn't acknowledge or understand his grief. You knew Alicent had a hard time with Aegon out of all her children, she saw him as all her failed dreams and ambitions. It was wrong. But you didn't blame her. You had seen what happened to her.

You offered him comfort, after what he had been through, it was the least you could offer. Also perhaps because you felt a tinge of guilt after everything that had happened with Alicent and you.

With Aemond, you adored the boy when he was a kid. He was sensitive and kind. That's what you loved the most about him. But, as years passed, with the driftmark incident and now, the stormlands one, he was completely unrecognisable. Cold, sharp and quiet. That's how he was. You did not know how to even approach him, he was smart, and everytime Alicent and you were in his presence, he was always watching attentively. Much like Otto. You did not want more reasons for Alicent to be angry with you any longer.

Much in your thoughts, you did not realise Criston speaking until he shook your arm. You snapped up to him, as he chuckles.

“Wish me luck?” he says, you are suddenly remembered where he was to go. Rook's rest with a pack of king's guards. You wanted him to be well, and alive, of course you did. Yet the small smile you gave couldn't help but be slightly forced.

“Of course,” your head lies low, biting your lip, “I wish you luck and for no harm to come to you, brother.”

Looking around, all the knights were either walking somewhere or getting their armour and suit dressed up. This could be dangerous as well as harming. Capturing rook's rest, the black queen might send one of her dragons. And Criston would be there to face the burn. Your chest tightened at the thought, you did not want your brother to be harmed let alone die.

Out of the corner of your eye, you see her, Alicent walking towards your direction. Your breath hitches, looking upwards of an excuse to leave but it's too late; she's already in front of your brother. Not even glancing at you.

“Your grace” he greets, as you cursty in response. She didn't spare you a single look. A bitter taste in your mouth formed at that.

“Ser Criston” Alicent looks at him, a glint in her eyes “may the seven guide you, good knight. And lead you not into shadow and death.”

There's an unspoken tension between them, as you look back and forth in—between the two. It was eating you away, like a knot grew further. Was there something there? even the thought made you want to scream. He thanked her for her prayers, and she turned away. You thought that was the end of it, before he called out to her. Requesting that she grant him her favour. That her lord commander may go into battle with her blessings in her heart.

“What are you doing?” you quietly hissed.

Alicent did not do anything, but as she saw your reaction, perhaps that changed her mind. She had a very light smirk, as she walked towards him. Your eyes widened as she took out a hanky, letter A engraved on it. You saw the whole interaction, their hands touching as he received it with a smile. You were...you didn't know what you were. All you knew was that you'd vomit if you watched a second more. You turn away, tears bubbling in your eyes as you walked away. You didn't see where you were going, only that you needed to be as far away as possible.

Until you bumped into someone.

“For god's sake!” a man with an accent of old town yelps out.

He was a knight. He was handsome, tall and sluggish. Light brown haired just like Alicent. You looked down to see hightower symbol at the centre of his armour. It dawned on you, he was Gwayne Hightower. Otto Hightower's oldest son. He was Alicent's brother. What truly concerned you was that you noticed the freckles on his cheeks to nose, the alignment of his jaw and the colour of his eyes. He was quite gorgeous.

“I apologize, my lord. I did not know where I was heading.”

Gwayne looks you up and down, lips pursued in a thin line as though he was trying to figure you out. His head tilted, and somehow you found the act more attractive than you should.

“The mistake was mine, my lady. I should have seen it from a mile ago.” he says, quite charmingly, “Although I do wonder, I did not catch your name. You see it's daily you see a beautiful woman when you're heading to a battlefield.”

A giggle escapes you, not knowing a pair of eyes that were on you.

“Why thank you, my lord.”

You smile, a genuine one. “I am...well I'm..” you knew the hightowers were quite upset at the revelation of your brother being named hand. It was a revenge scheme against Otto, but you were happy he got the chance. If he were to find out you were a Cole, perhaps he won't like you. But, why were you worried whether he likes you or not? a turmoil forms in your head, hands coming over to clasp themselves. You started in the only way you believed would be appropriate.

“I would first like to apologise for the late dismissal of your father, the formal lord hand. He served three kings very well.” you clear your throat, “I know it must feel, well, surprising and sort of a tiny betrayal. My brother was the least expectant candidate for the role.”

His mouth opens at the realisation, lips parting. He looked like he wanted to speak his mind, but stopped. Nodding modestly.

“I appreciate your kind words, Lady Cole.” he didn't fail to mention the disappointment in his tone. Although, a mischievous glint in his eyes was still there. “I do not mean to be rude, but I did not expect you when I thought of Criston Cole's sister.” your eyes furrowed, a frown on your lips. “What did you expect, my lord?”

Your heart quickens as he smiles, he has a beautiful smile. You think.

“I did not expect her to be so....kind hearted and well mannered.”

“Well mannered?” you repeat.

He's quick to respond, “I only meant, you turned out to be much more to my liking than I expected. Perhaps more than I will ever find your brother. But do not tell him that, my lady.”

A laugh escapes your lips, unknown to the very eyes you were so familiar with watching the whole ordeal.

“I wouldn't dream of it, my lord.” your voice was a whisper, eyes brightened. Gwayne had a smile of his own, only disappearing when Alicent called out for him.

“I should take my leave, my lady. A pleasure talking to you.” you watch him nod politely, walking away where Criston and Alicent stood. Suddenly you realised the butterflies in your chest, how taken you were with him. This was bad, very much so. Even if it was only a mere attraction, and what you shared with Alicent was much more—this wasn't good at all.

The night was moonless, only the stars light to keep you company. You liked to walk in the halls of the castle at night time, with no other to judge or peer at. No sounds of hushed and loud whispers, handmaidens running here and there or guards at every center. This was peaceful. Some would say it wasn't secure or safe, but since you hadn't encountered any accidents yet, you did not see a reason to stop. Although the silence left opportunities for thoughts.

You wondered if Gwayne was married. He was a knight, swore an oath of chastity, so probably not. It did not matter to you, all you were was curious. After what happened to Jahaerys, and Alicent focusing on her own family. Her real one—the one she created. You could say you felt a bit left out, she had a whole family of her own, the royal family. While you were no more than her mistress. It felt like a slap to your face, like reality struck down at you with a thousand bolts. You will never be the apple of her eye, her entire focus. You will always be on the sidelines.

As you walked further into the castle, you did not notice a tail of footsteps following behind before it was too late. A hand grabbed your shoulder, slamming you against the wall with much force.

“Ouch!” you hissed in pain, and immediately look forward to who caused it. Your chest tightened, eyes widening. Alicent stood there with both hands on your shoulders.

She lunged in, her lips attaching yours. This was different, a surprise yelp out of you came out muffled. Alicent was desperate in the way she held your waist, her other hand trailing up your neck. She never did this, in a public place where anyone could see. Hell—you, both could die if anyone were to even walk in the same direction. She was bold, harsh and angry. You could feel that in her kiss. Yet there was just a tiny tenderness in the way she caressed the chin of your face.

You gasped as she pulled away, rage in her eyes, and a little something else too, “You were smiling at him like he was about to charm your dress off?” she scoffs, jealousy in her voice. You realised who she hinted at, Gwayne, her brother.

“I—” you're cut off by the sinking feeling of her lips on your neck, softly sucking at your sweet spot, earning a very quiet moan from you. Alicent knew every inch of your body like it was her's, every scar, every burn and every where she knew you would succumb to her mercy.

You hushed, pleading for her to stop as one could see both of you. She did not. Alicent was being unfair, and you knew that. But you could not let her get away with it, not after she had made you feel such burning pain as well. You push her away, just lightly, enough to send her stumbling back on her feet. Eyes red. She had been crying, you notice, now that you had finally seen her clearly. A ache settles in your heart at the realisation. But you shrug it off.

“You can't treat me like I'm your personal girl at a brothel!” you shout in a whisper, as she scoffs. A malice on her tongue, “Well, seeing you making such affections on my brother, perhaps you are no less than any woman who works there.”

Your eyes widened at her implication, shock coming up you. How could she say that? to call you a...whore? You didn't see if Alicent regretted it, you did not give her a chance to before speaking yourself out of pure anger.

“And what if I did have affections for your brother? he is a charming man.”

This wasn't particularly a lie, and that scared you. Just how much of a beautiful man he was, and the way you felt around him.

“What?” her face drops, and you feel just a little satisfaction at seeing that. You both were furious, and unwilling to step down. She gritted her teeth, opening her mouth to say something more cruel but you beat her to it. —“Besides,” you start, your voice bitter, “you yourself share quite some... fondness for my brother, don't you? so why does it matter?”

That made her go quiet. And your heart even dropped more. Did it mean your words held any truth? that she really has caught some feelings for him? You were uncomfortable, very at that. Now you wished you never went for a walk in the first place. How did she even know this? did she follow you? you did not know.

Her eyes softened, “Do you really believe that?”

Before you answered, she sealed your lips with another yearning kiss. Reluctant to pull away as her lips maintained just mildly in contact with your lower lip as she pulled a bit back.

“I only want you, I've only ever wanted you. Not Criston, or anyone else. You. I thought you would have known that by now.”

She was referring to the morning she said those words. When she told you she loved you. Your harsh words, her tears, you start to remember everything. A pang of guilt comes to your chest, all this time you were afraid. Not just of the world, and the consequences, but of her. Alicent Hightower was the most beautiful woman you had ever seen, and she was a highborn, a lady, and eventually the queen. You were nowhere near compared to in terms of social class. A steward's daughter. You had always felt shame in that title. How could anyone love you? how could anyone as magnificent and enduring as Alicent love you? the queen of the seven kingdoms.

“I...” you breathe, unable to speak. It's either now or never. And you decide that Alicent Hightower is too deeply longed in your heart to lose.

“I love you.” Alicent's breath hitches at your sudden confession. Like she cannot breathe. She shakes her head, avoiding your eyes. “no you do not mean that. You can't, you're just saying that to ease my heart.”

You feel pain at her words, that she believed you did not love her. When in fact that's all you've been doing since you saw her. You take a hold of her shoulders, pushing her lips to yours. She gasps at the sudden act, but slowly her hands crept up your shoulders. A tear drops up on your cheek, you realise it's not yours. For the first time, neither of you care about the consequences. What would anyone say? the religion, family, society. You didn't care—not anymore, if you could hold her in your arms again and tell her just how much you love her. And neither did she.

Alicent releases an involuntary moan when your leg comes in between hers. Your knee shifting at her. She pulls away, looking for something. Staring directly into your eyes.

“You really, feel love for me?” she whispers, and you smile, pulling a strand of hair out of her eyes. “I always have. Before I even saw you. Your grace.”

She now has a smile of her own. Pulling you closer by your neck, “Well, then tell me again that you love me. It's your queen's order. And the punishment of rejecting it is fatal.”

You giggle at her words, “Oh is it?” she nods, a blush on both sides of her cheek. “Then how can I refuse? especially when I love you.” Alicent immediately kisses you before you could even finish the words. Hands coming up to cradle your face. This, this was love. You knew where it was going. And you were going to relish in it.

That night, you spend time in the queen's chambers. Filled with love and passion. And lust. You were always Alicent's soft spot. Her weakness, yet her power. And so was she yours. You know you love her. But, Gwayne Hightower? her brother. The thought of him brought dread to you, because of how much pleasure it brought. You didn't love him, but gods, you felt a great attraction towards him. Especially when he smiles. No, you couldn't do that. You had to distract yourself, spend more time with Alicent. The only time he did not come to your mind. Because if you didn't do that, and indulged in his thoughts, now that he was about to come back? well it would bring a great deal of trouble for you.

You knew Hightowers were always trouble.

𝐸𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑤ℎ𝑜 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑑 ℎ𝑜𝑝𝑒𝑓𝑢𝑙𝑙𝑦 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒𝑑 𝑖𝑡, 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑘 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑠𝑚:) 𝐼 𝑤𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑎𝑙𝑠𝑜 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦 𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑟𝑒𝑐𝑖𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑖𝑓 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑟𝑒𝑏𝑙𝑜𝑔𝑔𝑒𝑑 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑝𝑜𝑠𝑡 𝑎𝑠 𝑖𝑡 𝑤𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑔𝑖𝑣𝑒 𝑤𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑠 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒 𝑚𝑒 𝑞𝑢𝑖𝑡𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑚𝑜𝑡𝑖𝑣𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛!