did i dream too much, am i losing touch

my boyfriend and i are coming up to our year anniversary and honestly i am so in this i don't even know what to do with myself. but what hit me is something he said the other day - we were talking about the reasons everyone falls in love, and how for everyone it's different. and he said for me it's that i wanted somewhere to belong. and i think he's right about that. ive never really felt like i fit anywhere or with anyone other than my family, no friends or lovers have ever really felt like i was meant to be there or like i made sense as a part of their life. i have always felt like a spare part or a nuisance. but this time it's different, i fit and i belong and it's easy to see. we fit together, our lives work and wind around each other, our future is planned together. ive never felt more comfortable or at peace around another human being, and it's hard especially with my mi fighting against it constantly. but im happy. and i know it's and presumptuous and tempting fate but im truly starting to believe we'll spend the rest of our lives together. we talk about what colour flowers to have at our wedding and what kind of dad he wants to be and where we'll go on holiday two years from now. but the truly magical thing is those conversations are just as exciting as when we're picking what's for dinner that night or what movie we wanna see next. every single day is part of the future if you're planning on that future being forever, and i am learning to treasure each one.

i had one of those perfect days saturday where i woke up in the winter sun, curled up with my boy and cosy as heck. we went book shopping, and got coffee, and generally just nattered away about life. and it was everything i always wanted my life to be.

please ignore how disgustingly sappy this is going to be but i honestly want to spend the rest of my life with my boyfriend. every night that i get to fall asleep all curled up with him feels like home and every time im away from him i feel like a part of me is missing. but in a way that is so nice and right. here’s hoping it lasts.