Wizard Alexa can you curse that guy over there
*from behind a rock about 30 meters away comesan explosion*
WHO MADE MY BAG OF HOLDING SPIT ALL IT'S CONTENTS
Wizard Alexa can you curse that guy over there
*from behind a rock about 30 meters away comesan explosion*
WHO MADE MY BAG OF HOLDING SPIT ALL IT'S CONTENTS
i will never understand those people who lean into being afraid of all bugs. like ok dude i dont really think it's very cool of you to break your light fixture trying to kill a shieldbug. a bug that doesnt even bite. a bug so clumsy they can get stuck on their backs like turtles. oh? it might fly at you? and do what? so do butterflies. oh? it might stink ? yes my friend it smells like cilantro and goes away super fast. it's not a skunk. if you put your finger in front of one they will literally just walk onto your hand and let you carry them outside without injury. if you even care
theres another video following this same foreshadowing trend where dudes sitting in the car holding what looks like ?? a tarantula in a paper packet??? and then screams and throws it ???? howd he even get a tarantula??? dropping a tarantula kills or really hurts it ??? i cant tell.
i dont know. theyre just animals . except crunchier than you're used to. don't reply to this with stupid bug hating rants or i'll send locusts upon your garden
continue to reblog if your a safe space for:
(there’s more I just can’t think of it)
Also ALL Neurodivergent folks and no I don’t just mean autism and adhd I mean All kinds of neurodivergent
If my mutuals can’t rb this then we can’t be mutuals
when she says she doesn’t send nudes
when guys objectify women and expect them to send nudes
when someone asks you about your nuclear plans for russia
When Russia sends you nudes
This is my favorite post in all of tumblr
reminder that this post is now illegal in Russia
reblog it, because Russia can´t
Thanks Obama
When Russia makes this post illegal
I HAVE ONLY SEEN THIS IN SCREENSHOTS
I will reblog this every goddamn time I find it on my dash
I have a piece of tumblr history on my blog now
What the-
I haven’t seen this in about 4 years. I’m glad it’s back.
heeheehoohoo I'm here to cast judgement upon thy towers
What sins against humanity has my kind committed
Many a tower has been assembled without a little ornament or two upon the door and a sufficiently pointy roof, and thy punishment... is INSPECTION
NOOOOOOOOOO
Help at what angle shall I pointy my roof before my inspection
Crazy that I have a spell just for that
Ideally the pointiest angle, but I can tolerate less pointy roofs wherein the roof shape is similarly wizardly
Do I get more inspection points if I use the mustard gas from the previous guy?
I like a tower with a unique feature, don't go plagiarising other towers or I'll INSPECT harder and/or deduct points
Maybe a trap that emits a high pitch sound, loud enough to make your brain explode?
heeheehoohoo I'm here to cast judgement upon thy towers
What sins against humanity has my kind committed
Many a tower has been assembled without a little ornament or two upon the door and a sufficiently pointy roof, and thy punishment... is INSPECTION
NOOOOOOOOOO
Help at what angle shall I pointy my roof before my inspection
Crazy that I have a spell just for that
Ideally the pointiest angle, but I can tolerate less pointy roofs wherein the roof shape is similarly wizardly
Do I get more inspection points if I use the mustard gas from the previous guy?
heeheehoohoo I'm here to cast judgement upon thy towers
What sins against humanity has my kind committed
Many a tower has been assembled without a little ornament or two upon the door and a sufficiently pointy roof, and thy punishment... is INSPECTION
NOOOOOOOOOO
Help at what angle shall I pointy my roof before my inspection
Crazy that I have a spell just for that
heeheehoohoo I'm here to cast judgement upon thy towers
What sins against humanity has my kind committed
w(b)itches be like, "I've sent you a brief message on a scroll with short instructions for the incantation you need
and its this shit
I finished my staff today, barring the attunement on the solstice. It’s a beautiful thing with all sorts of components and things I like. Most importantly, I did 99% of it with my own hands (barring a crystal, a bead, and my stepdad who cut the leather for the handle.
You’d never catch me rolling with shadow wizard money gang, buying foci.
Your gender is now the first randomized wikipedia article you get. No rerolls.
Guys, you're never gonna believe me
My three girlfriends. And yes, they smoke weed.
do they smoke weed?
Yes, actually.
you mean she isnt just smoking a cigarette? but a weed cigarette?
It’s called a bunt…. Not weed cigarette… And yes, it is a weed bunt. They all smoke weed bunts before we kiss. (They are my girlfriends,)
They don’t look like they smoke weed.
Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. I’m so angry you are so lucky my three weed smorking girlfriends are rubbing my shoulders to calm me down I’m so mad.
Your “weed smoking girlfriend” has a Hello Kitty tattoo on her belly. The one in the middle.
I printed out a photo of your avatar and taped it to my punching bag that I punch and I mutter your URL with every strong punch I punch you twerp…. Don’t ever Talk about Blaiz or the wicked Tat(tattoo) I drew on her ever again I Don’t wanna see you standing outside my home at 3 am holding your weird dripping brown bags ever again ok leave us alone this is the FINAL FUCKING WARNING
Well that escalated quickly……
What, was that? Hmm? Come again. *Blaiz grabs my shoulder* Come on Jory, they aren’t worth it, please. * I jerk my shoulder shaking her hand off* NO! NOOOOO!!! *starts to just pummel you with my big fucking fists. With each blow I let out a furious yell. The blows come quicker and harder and the yells get louder. I’m yelling so loud and now I’m crying. BREAKING POINT. The week was hard and I can’t take anymore. I’m opening sobbing at this point while you blood gurgle. All three of my girlfriends struggle to pull me off and they finally succeed and lead me away from the goo pile that is now your body*
haha oh my god
who even is this dude? someone needs some anger management classes.
love how he keeps reminding us that “I HAVE THREE GIRLFRIENDS”, “THEY ALL KISS ME”, and “THEY SMOKE WEED HURRP DURR”.
and let’s not forget the “Blaiz” and her “wicked tat”, or that he doesn’t “wanna see you standing outside [his] home at 3 am holding your weird dripping brown bags ever again”, and that this is “the FINAL FUCKING WARNING”.
“the goo pile that is now your body”
i’m dying over here, jesus
please, Jory, come challenge me to a bout of internet witticsisms; i promise, it’ll be fun.
*shoots you dead* Heh, idiot… *leaves with my three weed smorking girlfriends to go hold hands and kiss.*
this dude playin omg
Come again? *The bar falls silent. No one dares to make a sound, as you have just said a very poor choice of words at a very dangerous time. I remain slumped over the bar, not looking back to you. One hand limply holding an almost empty bottle, the other hand cradling my head. I repeat the question, this time louder.* Come again?! *You can hear me slur the words, the sentence sounds like a real struggle for me to get out. I’m clearly intoxicated. A bead of sweat rolls down your face as you realize you might have just fucked up in a very major way. Everyone else in the bar is pretending to not notice what is going on. The bartender idly washes a mug with a cloth. His eyes are closed and he’s muttering something to himself. A handful of people hurriedly leave. One person looks back at you, a look of sorrow on their face. They almost say something, but shake their head and cast their eyes down to the floor, and leave. But not you. You stand, petrified. A quick look at me reveals I’m still at the bar. You look to the exit, there’s still time. But there’s not, there’s not, there’s not. Your fate was sealed the moment you opened your mouth.* Mother fuck.. what did you say?! *I slowly rise from my stool and being to lumber over to you. I look a mess. My hair is unkempt, I haven’t shaved in what looks like months, there are dark heavy bags under my eyes, my shirt is stained and has holes in it, and I’m missing a shoe. But the main thing you notice is the gun tucked into my jeans, and my massive muscle arms that look like they were made for punching. You know that song about the boots that were made for walking? Yeah, it’s like that only instead of boots it’s my muscles and instead of walking it’s punching. As I drunkenly sway over to you, you think of your family… Will they mourn you, or will they try and forget this blotch of stupidity, that their child insulted the Jory publicly, ever happened to their family? Your thoughts are cut short as I now stand face to face with you. I grab your face and pull you even closer.* Playin?! There was nothing playing… no playing you fuck. No playing… it was real.. the realest thing I’ve ever know.. felt… Love. I loved them… Blaiz…. Chas-Chas… Funk… I loved all three of em… but they…*My face is wet with tears and I’m blinking constantly in vain to hold them back.* They left me… left… *Almost instantly the sadness leaves my face and is replaced with pure anger.* Playin? Playin?! *My hand leaves your face and starts to head to what you think is the gun. You close your eyes and see God looking at you, shrugging. ‘Pft, you brought this upon yourself dude.’ He says as he waves his hands at you dismissively. But instead of the gun, my hands grab yours. Your eyes jolt open and the anger is gone from my face. There is only sadness.* Left me… * I fall to the floor and sob.* Wow, grow up. *You say before you leave the bar but are hit almost immediately from a car and are killed upon impact.*
dere you go
ey
ey you lil shits
lets just talk about this here cookie recipe
this shit
is
the
BOMB
HOLY SHIT
I JUST FINISHED THIS AND WOW IT TASTES AMAZING
YES
WONDERFUL
1000000/10 WOULD ATE AGAIN
yAy
For magic improvements on thing that is already perfect:
Use one spoon white sugar, and one spoon brown if you have it.
After microwave, before noms, add vanilla ice cream.
\o/
salt is a flavour enhancer, add just a tiny dash, not enough to make it salty.
Because I love you all.
reblogging cause i need to save this
A note for those who have trouble measuring butter with a spoon as I do: one cup I am sixteen tablespoons. Butter/margarine bricks are usually a half a cup, so just cut one eighth of that amount
These are really good! And yes, for the love of god, if you have it use white sugar and brown sugar, add just a pinch of salt, and as many chocolate chips as you darn well please. Great with icecream, whipped cream on top, or a tall glass of milk (keep in mind you gotta eat it with a spoon, you can’t dip it in milk)
Super college friendly (trust me)
I made this and it’s super awesome! Bonus things you could add: butterscotch flavoring, cut up KitKats, torn apart Milkyways, and stolen ice cream!
Ohhhh boy kiddos have at it!
Reblogging so I remember to do this
Just made this but am out of chocolate chips so used hot chocolate powder a splash of milk and marshmallows. HEAVANLY
Reblog to save a life
i will pray to you
i burnt it
yeah okay, ill reblog that!
@taraljc i found it I found the sacred mug cookie recipe
To test tumblr’s reading comprehension…
you can do ANYTHING to this post, reblog, add polls, start a fuckin roleplay in the notes, like it, I don’t give a shit.
you can’t add tags
Guys, let's make a sandwich. I'll start:
Bread
the souls of the innocent
The sins of the guilty
Bread
mayonnaise
Chees