tere hath chumme soneya

tbh there is something truly ridiculous about the whole virgin mary instinct. like how your period is late and you have a bitter taste in your mouth and boobs are aching - and the immediate thought is pregnancy even tho it is biologically impossible.

it's only late by about two weeks, and I had my vaccine recently, but still. the thought somehow still occurs to me.

good god. being in this level of pain on a monday no less is just. horrible. and here I was thinking my pain had subsided a bit - at least for two weeks I wasn't complaining about it as much as usual. but now it's back, as is my period, and slowly but surely I am dying.

I fucking hate how I have to just endure this unbearable pain each month and my gyno just does not give a shit? or want to investigate further? (tmi under the cut)

@benhargrieves replied to your post “doesn't every uterus wielder just loooove the start of a period and...”

ah that sucks! for both of us haha. I’d very much prefer we go back to being salt twins, but I feel like I might be bedridden for the next few days bc I can’t do anything rn which is just. not fun. tho i am watching the x files for teh first time, so there’s that :) 

hope you feel better soon janie!

doesn't every uterus wielder just loooove the start of a period and the avalanche of pain that comes with it even after burning thru 3 heat pads and a hot water bottle? oh and fucking RECTAL pain relief that doesn't give me any relief??

being in so much pain that I feel like I'm being split in half is just so agonising. I couldn't sleep properly last night and idk why but being in that pain is tiring on its own. and I can't even go for a walk or anything because it hurts to move. fuck this shit.

honestly sometimes I wonder what the point is of even trying to do normal things when I'm in this much pain. and I would feel a bit better at least if I knew there was a plan to do something about my godforsaken uterus and whatever the hell is going on with my periods, but there isn't a plan, because of this virus.

I've been doing a lot better mood wise lately but then the pain kicks in and I'm dying all over again. someone kill me now pls.

okay so. I've been meaning to sit down and note down how therapy has been going since I started over a month ago. under the cut because it gets long.

okay so. a lot has been going on lately and I haven't had much time to be on here or time in general. now that the week is over tho things are starting to die down hopefully. and like I do with work emails I'm gonna just write a list, of all the things that have been going on, because I feel like my brain is about to explode otherwise.

lots of rambling, potentially triggering stuff under the cut:

if anyone wanted an update on my uterus situation - 

angsty/triggering stuff under the cut

okay so. I went to a gynaecologist today, different one from the private bitch from last time who discharged me and dismissed my problems. this one was with the nhs and he actually took me seriously. I explained my symptoms and he said it sounded like retrograde menstruation which may actually be the cause of endometriosis. he said to take some kind of acid that should reduce the flow of my periods. in the long term he said that it would be good to get an mri done on my pelvis and he is arranging that.

bonus - he said my pain is definitely gynaecological. so maybe I have hope after all.

being ill while working is basically just dying and just about making it thru the day, managing to get home only to collapse in bed dying of pain, having that pain ease a little in the interim if uninterrupted (which is highly unlikely with my mother) enough to eat some dinner and then rinse repeat. I'm so done.

also guess which dumbass managed to spill boiling water on herself while trying to fill up a hot water bottle? yup! it me! I’m totally fine tho, not even burned, but oh lordy. that was Bad.