#when i asked you to tell me about his past i didn't mean give me a hidden wife writers #but at least they finally answered some of my questions about what his life looked like when he came home from his final tour #he was getting blackout drunk most nights #presumably so he could sleep at night #unlike mouse who couldn't and turned to poppin' pills #and he was clearly really fucked up since he married a girl that wasn't erin lindsay #which was clearly an attempt to turn a shitty and unhappy situation into a funny one #because why else would he say lol we got married in vegas a a big joke if it wasn't an attempt to find a sliver of humor in a sad moment? #because why would jay who has always been super in tune to other people's emotions miss that this wasn't so much of a joke for abby? #was he just that drunk that he didn't catch on to the (possible) manipulation or miscommunication? #or was he just that lonely and sad that he needed to feel something stupid and funny for one night? #or was it both? #either way it's interesting to me that he never told erin #and i'm willing to bet it's because he doesn't want her to see or know or live with that guy #the guy that marries a girl he doesn't love in vegas because he's too drunk to know better #the guy that marries a girl he doesn't love because he's desperate to feel something besides pain for one night