tere hath chumme soneya

zari + freedom

There’s not a soul on the Waverider who knows that Zari never unpacked.

She still hasn’t - not really. Oh sure, she took a few clothes out of her suitcase. Not many. 

(She’s just enjoying all the choices available to her in Gideon’s fabrication room.)

But in a bottom shelf of a closet, she’s got bags all packed, ready to go. 

At first, she was just staying till she found her family. If anyone can track down missing people, it’s her, especially with of all Gideon’s resources. But there’s nothing. She can go back to any time she wants, but it’s always going to be too late.

Staring out of the window on the bridge, into the vast expanse of the time stream that stretches on and on without end, all Zari can feel is trapped.

“Penny for ‘em,” says the most cheerful voice on the ship, behind her.

She turns and gives Ray a half smile. “You don’t wanna know,” she says, muted, and his face falls. And she wants to kick herself, because no one should be putting that look on Ray Palmer’s face, least of all her. Ray has this thing for fixing people when they’re sad (she doesn’t know what to do with that and it makes her want to hug him and kill him at the same time). So she broadens her smile, even if it’s a strained one, and says, “Don’t worry about it.” 

He gets the strangest look, then, and steps towards her. He reaches for her totem, then pauses. “Can I?” he asks hesitantly.

She shrugs, watching as he reaches towards her heart and touches the jewel at its centre with the tip of a finger. “I tried to master one of these,” he muses. “Wasn’t for me.” He smiles. “This is yours, though. I kind of get that now, I think.” He looks up and meets her eyes. “An air totem for a free spirit.”

She doesn’t say anything. Just watches him.

“You feeling a bit… cooped up?” he asks after a moment.

She narrows her eyes at him. “Maybe. Why?”

“I was thinking we could take the jump ship out. Get you some open space.”

If she looks at him suspiciously for a moment, irritated and touched and a bit confused all at once (why is he so kind to her?), she shakes it off in a minute. And smiles.

Under an open sky on a lonely clifftop in medieval France, she lifts her hands and takes flight.

Here, in the clear blue where air meets air, she shares the totem with Behrad and all the bearers who came before her. It’s all one creation, and she is its protector, vice-regent of the breath that inspires all life.

She looks down at Ray below her - mystic to scientist - she who knows the air by name and spirit, and he who knows it by atom and molecule. 

He’s running in the wind on the edge of the cliff. The sunshine boy’s face is radiating pure joy and freedom.

Zari giggles so hard she falls out of the sky. 

When they get home to Waverider, she takes just a few more things out of her suitcase.

Sometimes I think about what it would have been like if it were zari instead of Nate with Amaya’s whole love vs destiny plot line and I want to set myself on fire

you’re my best friend on this hellsite

okay so the thing is, zari is the kind of person to tell herself that she doesn’t believe in love at first sight. that special connections with people are just bullshit, people are trash and love is trash and relationships are trash and then amaya saunters in and saves the day and zari softly is like, fuck

and then amaya is there, right in front of her, with her deep, dark eyes and her lips that curve into the sweetest smile, and she says, we have a connection and zari tries to snuff out the little spark that lights inside her at that, like maybe it’s nothing maybe it’s a joke it’s probably a joke but connection or not she can’t look at amaya and not feel desperate for something, for anything, for her 

the thing about soulmates is that zari doesn’t understand it. the thing is that amaya won’t leave her alone, she doesn’t knock she doesn’t go away and she only laughs when zari grumbles at her, and that just makes zari love her more. and she tells herself it’s just amaya being friendly and then they fight damien darhk together and that night zari says i felt behrad’s presence and amaya puts her palm over zari’s totem and kisses her and zari sighs into it she is going, going, gone-

and the thing about zari is, she’s defiant. amaya strokes her hair and part of zari says you’ll lose her she has to go back and the other part of her says nothing is set in stone, we’ll save behrad, we’ll fix the future, and we’ll get the girl.

the thing is zari and amaya are two halves of the same heart of gold and zari says, you can go back but i’ll always come find you. i don’t care who you marry i don’t care how many daughters and granddaughters you have i will always come to you no matter how old you get and we will always be together and she says it both because it is the truth and because she needs to say it, because defiance is not free of fear and unless she is standing at time’s door screaming at it she does truly fear that it will overtake them. so she simply refuses to give it that power and amaya sometimes says it will never work and sometimes, sometimes she believes.

they drop amaya off in zambeesi 1942 and she offers to erase her memories and zari says no, don’t, i’ll see you soon. and amaya wants to believe her more than anything and maybe just maybe, zari is telling the truth.