It can be done!
Losing your v-card is major for a lot of girls, and an experience you’ll most likely never forget. If having sex for the first time is a big deal to you, then I’m sure you’ve spent years thinking about what it’s going to be like: planning the perfect scenario, imagining the person it will be with, basically picturing it as something out of a movie. It’s normal to romanticize your first time, but it’s also important to remember that, uh, a lot of things will not be the way you think they’ll be. Losing one’s virginity almost never lives up to high expectations.
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Sex is great, but at the same time, it’s highly overrated. A lot of people are convinced that it’s supposed to be this perfect, memorable and life-changing experience, but that’s not always the case. The truth is, sex can be pretty messy and awkward. This is especially true for people who never had sex before.
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Before I ever had sex with anyone, I had a lot of weird thoughts about sex. Mainly, I didn’t understand it. This is partly because I went to a small Catholic school and was taught that sex before marriage is a sin, and it was partly because teenagers with a lot of hormones and imagination can come up with some pretty crazy ideas.
It’s totally normal to have really weird ideas of what sex is like or even just what genitals are like. When I first learned what oral sex was, I was absolutely horrified and just could not imagine the way it would work. Sex is one of those things that you have to do to truly understand, because the basic concept of it is insane! This is why I loved reading through this Ask Reddit thread on misconceptions people had about sex while they were still virgins. We’ve all been there (some of us are still there), so it’s totally relatable. Here are 15 common misconceptions you have about sex before you have it.
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The concept of virginity is a pretty interesting thing. There are a lot of myths surrounding it like that your hymen is a thing that actually breaks or that it “breaks” exclusively from having sex. Virginity can mean different things to different people, which is why it’s such a complicated idea.
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“Are you a virgin?”
It seems like such a simple question – you’d think that everyone out there would have a yes or no answer. But for queer girls, it sometimes isn’t so easy to figure out this whole virginity business. Defining virginity in anything but heterosexual terms simply isn’t what our society does. So us queer ladies are left scratching our heads, asking “Did I just lose it? Did that count?”
I know my fellow gay girls out there can relate to this all too common queer conundrum, which is why I wanted to step in to give some answers. As a queer lady myself, I’ve had lots of conversations about virginity and sex and what counts as “losing it.” I also have a couple of degrees in LGBT studies and gender studies, which means I’ve got a whole lot of experience talking about situations impacting queer people. So, step aside while I put some of that to use. I’ve got this.
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If you sent us a Tumblr message asking us about a sexual experience/virginity, we may have answered it here!
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Hi Heather,
I’m feeling really confused about what exactly happens with your hymen. I hear everyone say things about “breaking your hymen,” which sounds so violent and scary. Does it hurt? Do you bleed a lot? Will it definitely happen the first time you have sex? It makes me feel so nervous.
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