sending “I hope you get that job” vibes to the people out here tryna get jobs

reblogging for yall bc the shit worked for me lol

it’s memorial day. we’re chowing down on burgers. i am with my family. the sun is beaming. my dad is playing the 80s station. i am content.

suddenly the opening chorus of “carry on my wayward son” plays. for one moment i am thrown back into a black pit of plaid hell and cheap one-liners. for one terrible second i look into the middle distance and think to myself, “the road so far.”

i will never fucking recover from being a supernatural fan. it is a blight upon my very existence. it has been five goddamn years since i gave up on that hell show. when will eric kripke set my soul free. when will i at last know peace

spoiler alert: every single goddamn person on this planet is problematic in some way, because everything is terrible. congratulations. you’ve been enlightened with the secrets of the universe

are you a dog? no ? goodbye

me making coffee: this is going to fix everything.

me: i literally couldnt care less about what people think about me

also me: 

i wish dwarves were real just because the folk metal they would produce would be completely unfathomable

if you are reading this, something good will happen to you very soon, don’t give up

I feel like I don’t say this enough, but

FUCK!! FUUUUCK FUCK FUCK!!! WHAT THE FUCK!! WHAT IS GOING ON!!

I hope you guys like…eventually live the life you want to live and I hope nothing haunts you for too long and I hope you’re all kind to yourselves

i never wanna see this BS again god

Listen, no matter what your fave youtuber/”health guru” says, the following things are absolute bullshit:

#this is all true#plus the tea thing is important#because being on laxatives for that long can actually give you bowel cancer#for serious yep if you wanna drink tea and be healthy just find a type of nice green/herbal tea you like and brew it properly

While we’re at it

IF ANYONE TELLS YOU THAT YOU CAN LOSE FAT IN A PARTICULAR PART OF YOUR BODY BY SPOT-TRAINING, THEY ARE LYING

i.e. You can’t get rid of fat on your arms by doing push-ups, or lose tummy fat by doing sit-ups.

You can spot train those areas, obviously, but you can’t focus fat loss. If that’s your goal, you have to work out: no more, no less.

an alligator has a tapetum lucidum at the back of each eye, which reflects light back into the photoreceptor cells to make the most of low light, and causes its eyes to glow red. photos by larry lynch and david moynahan

“Tolkien Cliches,” Limyaael

(via mithtransdir)

The whole point of The Lord Of The Rings… like, the WHOLE POINT… is that it is ultimately the hobbits who save the world. The small, vulnerable, ordinary people who aren’t great warriors or heroes.

Specifically, Sam. Sam saves the world. All of it. The ultimate success of the great quest is 100% due to a fat little gardener who likes to cook and never wanted to go on an adventure but who did it because he wasn’t going to let his beloved Frodo go off alone. Frodo is the only one truly able to handle the ring long enough to get it into Mordor - and it nearly kills him and permanently emotionally damages him - but Sam is the one who takes care of Frodo that whole time. Who makes him eat. Who finds him water. Who watches over him while he sleeps.

Sam is the one who fights off Shelob.

Sam is the one who takes the Ring when he thinks Frodo is dead.

Sam is the one who strolls into Orc Central and saves Frodo by sheer determination and killing any orc who crosses him. (SAM THE GARDENER GOES AND KILLS AN ACTUAL ORC TO GET FRODO SOME CLOTHES LET’S JUST THINK ABOUT THAT). And then Sam just takes off the Ring and gives it back which is supposed to be freaking impossible and he barely even hesitates.

Sam literally carries Frodo on the last leg of the journey. On his back. He’s half-starved, dying slowly of dehydration, but he carries Frodo up the goddamn mountain and Gollum may get credit for accidentally destroying the ring but Sam was the one who got them all there.

Sam saved the world.

And let’s not forget Pippin and Merry, who get damselled out of the story (the orcs have carried them off! We must make a Heroic Run To Save Them!) and then rescue themselves, recruit the Terrifying Ancient Powers through being genuinely nice and sincere, and overthrow Saruman before the ‘real’ heroes even get there.

Let’s not forget Pippin single-handedly saving what’s left of Gondor - and Faramir - by understanding that there is a time for obeying orders and a time for realizing that the boss is bugfuck nuts and we need to get help right now.

Let’s not forget Merry sticking his sword into the terrifying, profoundly evil horror that has chased him all over his world because his friend is fighting it and he’s gonna help, dammit and that’s how the most powerful Ringwraith goes down to a suicidally depressed woman and a scared little hobbit.

Everything the others do, the kings and princes and great heroes and all? They buy time.  They distract the bad guys. They keep the armies occupied. That is what kings and great leaders are for - they do the big picture stuff.

But it is ultimately the hobbits who bring down every villain. Every one. And I believe that that is 100% on purpose. Tolkien was a soldier in WWI. His son fought in WWII. (And a lot of The Lord Of The Rings was written in letters to him while he did it.)

And hey, look, The Lord Of The Rings is about ordinary people - farmers, scholars, and so on - who get pulled into a war not of their making but who have to fight not only because their own home is in danger but so is everyone’s. And they’re small and scared but they do the best they can for as long as they can and that is what actually saves the world. Not great heroes and pre-destined kings. Ordinary people, doing extraordinary things because they want the world to be safe for ordinary people, the ones they know and the ones they don’t.

Ordinary people matter. They can save the world without being great heroes or kings or whatever. And that is really important and I get so upset when people miss that because Aragorn and Legolas and Gimli and Gandalf and all the others are great characters and all but they are ultimately a hobbit delivery system.

It is ordinary people doing their best who really change the world, and continue doing so after the war is over because they have to go home and rebuild and they do.

If nothing else, I have to reblog this for the phrase “hobbit delivery system.” So accurate it hurts.

(via elenilote)

What I love too is how even the foretold king and the assorted great heroes themselves all come to recognize that their main (and by the end, only) role is to distract Sauron. To the point that by the end they’re all gathered up before the black gates of Mordor in order to keep his attention focused on them, with only the hope - not the certainty - that they can buy Frodo whatever remaining time he needs, if he’s even still alive.

One thing the movies left out but has always been such a key part of the books for me was how when the hobbits returned home, they found that home had been changed too. The war touched everywhere. Even with all they did in far-off lands to protect the Shire, the Shire had still been damaged, both property and lives destroyed, and it wasn’t an easy or simplistically happy homecoming. They had to fight yet another battle (granted a much smaller one) to save their neighbours, and then spent years in rebuilding.

(via garrusscars)

In many ways, the entire POINT is that homecoming. A quest, an adventure, is defined by the return home, and the realization that not only have YOU changed, so has your home.

(via mymyriadmusings)

“My friends, you bow to no one.”

(via sorrelchestnut)

“I will take the Ring", he said, “though I do not know the way.”

(via thegreencarousel)

How many hero quest stories have you read where the protagonists go out, save the world, and then come back so depressed that they can’t even return to their regular life? Ordinary people are wounded and traumatized by war - Tolkien lost the majority of his childhood friends in WWI and he wasn’t the same afterwards. 

(via redheadgleek)