What Happens

“responsible” exotic pet influencer voice: look at how cute and cuddly my endangered african cat is! don’t you wish you could do this too? remember, though, only i can do this! i’m not promoting this animal as a pet! hey, check out my super awesome king cobra freehandling, doesn’t it make me look badass? again, though, only i can do this! i’m not trying to promote these animals as pets for just anyone! all i do is post constant photos and videos making it look really cool and fun and badass to own these animals! don’t ask where i got them btw

Awkward

The sequel

I can't fuckin g see out of this balaclava some idiot cut the eye holes on the wrong side

They've all been trying to get me since the first time I wore those camo overalls... which I was also doing as a bit.

ENGLISH TEACHER 1.01 ♡ Pilot

ENGLISH TEACHER (2024) 1.02 — "Powderpuff"

English Teacher (2024 - ) I 1.02 Powderpuff

Uhhhh hi yeah there's a fountain of blood outside. In the shape of a girl, yes. Okay, thanks *puts down the phone*

Sometimes I’m amused at how different my kiddo is from me. Today’s example is that she really likes horses, specifically the scene from Frozen 2 where the water horse is trying to murder Elsa.

Kiddo is 4 years old, and as such there is no punctuation that can adequately convey their dynamic vocal range, and so emojis will have to do.

For those unfamiliar with Frozen 2, Elsa (with her ice powers) attempts to cross the sea, in which lurks Nokk, the ice horse. It’s a very thematic and scary scene, but the horse never actually gets named in the movie.

“Elsa’s horse name Posy ☺️☺️☺️❤️❤️❤️” my child explains.

“Posy 😀” my darling murmurs happily as the water horse appears, charging from the inky depths.

“POSEY!😃😃🥳🤩🤩!” Delighted squeals reverberate through my house, as a volume usually only reserved for the Wiggles, while the water horse actively tries to murder what is apparently the second favourite character in this movie.

“Aw, Posy… 😕😞😔” and a resigned sigh as the water horse is frozen and Elsa escapes.

“I told you Posy was good.” 😌

Awww thanks for using my Posy gifs!

Here cometh the Posy cavalry! Please show your kiddo!

I have shown the cavalry to my darling child this evening, before bathtime.

“Ooh-AH!🤨😃”

“So many Posey!!!😁😁”

“And Elsas. 🙂”

“And so many…🤔…. Tails!😁”

Darling child then throws the self bodily into the couch cushions in an apparent display of joy and enthusiasm before returning to the conversation with a serious demeanour.

“How many dollarbucks? 🧐”

I have no idea what is meant by that, so they clarify.

“How much moneys. To go there.🤔🙂

What was your first source of portable music? Walkman? CD player with headphones? MP3 Player? iPod? Phone? 

this whole ouroboros thing keeps coming back to bite me in the ass

Well damn

every time i hear of chiropractors, i remember what happened to @thebibliosphere's neck

Second neck MRI on Thursday to see what the damage is ✌️

Spoiler alert: based on my symptoms, probably not good.

It’s been six years and my skull still doesn’t sit properly on top of my cervical vertebrae.

My father, an otolaryngologist (ear, nose, and throat doctor) sees so many people who have gotten their necks fucked up because of a chiropractor. You can get permanent damage to your nerves and spine, or even strokes because an “adjustment” put a nerve or blood vessel pinched between two vertebrae. Don’t go to chiropractors, they have no idea what they’re doing.

There are veterinary chiropractors that do this shit to pets, and they state that it’s too dangerous to perform on cats (huh I wonder why?), but apparently dogs are just fine to them

Do not let someone crack your fucking back

I know two people who were temporarily paralyzed by chiropractors

Shit man, this wizard war is fucked. I just saw a guy clap his hands together and say "the ten hells" or some similar shit, and every one around him turned inside out, had their tibia explode and then disappeared. The camera didn't even go onto him, that's how common shit like this is. My ass is casting frostbite and level 2 poison. I think I just heard "power word:scrunch" two groups over. I gotta get the fuck outta here.