Incorrect Batfam Quotes

Red Hood: *posting on verified social media accounts

Red Hood: I don’t want to hear none of y’all saying you like Batman in a way that’s concerning to feminism.

Red Hood: First of all, eww.

Red Hood: Second of all, I hate that b*tch in a way that’s concerning to law enforcement, so watch it!

gothamundernightlight

Incorrect Batfam Quotes

Bruce: Why don’t you make plans for the day like any other normal person?

Jason: Because the word “plan” then gets words like “pre-meditated” thrown around in a courtroom.

gothamundernightlight

Incorrect Batfam Quotes

*anytime Bruce has to socialize

Bruce: Unfortunately due to foreseen circumstances that were completely within my control, I will be late.

Reporter: And what were the circumstances?

Bruce: I didn’t want to go.

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gothamundernightlight

Incorrect Batfam Quotes

Damian: Meditation keeps the mind at peace. It protects your head from everything external.

Jason: *throws a shoe at him

Damian: What the f*ck, Todd?

Jason: Except external sources of pain apparently.

gothamundernightlight

Incorrect Batfam Quotes

Damian: Todd, what are you doing?

Jason: *reading

Jason: Nothing. Now are you going to mind your own business or do I have to give you a piece of my mind for interrupting me?

Damian: Oh, I couldn’t take the last piece you have.

Jason: *smacks Damian with the book

gothamundernightlight

Incorrect Batfam Quotes

Jason: Have you ever had one of those days when you’re holding a stick…

Jason: And everyone looks like a piñata?

Tim: That’s a crowbar, not a stick?

Tim: OWWW!

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gothamundernightlight

Incorrect Batfam Quotes

Tim: *develops a plan

Steph: Not gonna lie, that sounds like a war crime.

Tim: It’s never a war crime the first time. Now whether it gets designated a war crime after…

Tim: That’s not my problem.

gothamundernightlight

Incorrect Batfam Quotes

*Tim storms into Bruce’s room

Tim: What is this meeting you’ve put on my schedule for 7pm today?

Bruce: *was actually asleep

Bruce: It’s not even 8am yet, give me a second, Tim!

Tim: Rise and shine, B! I’m ready to argue!

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gothamundernightlight

Incorrect Batfam Quotes

*Jason driving the Batmobile

Jason: Just so you know, I put my foot on the floor and I’m not lifting it until I either see God or a checkered flag.

Damian: *in the backseat

Damian: Hell yeah!

Bruce: Don’t encourage him!

gothamundernightlight

Incorrect Batfam Quotes

Nightwing: *gets a call

Nightwing: Hello?

Green Lantern: Hey, Wing, I’ve got a question for you.

Nightwing: Sure, what’s up?

Green Lantern: I got an email from Batman earlier tonight, and I’m not sure if it’s a mistake or a threat.

Nightwing: Why, what does it say?

Green Lantern: I hope this email finds you before I do.

Nightwing: …

Nightwing: That’s a threat. Evacuate the planet.

Green Lantern: *static and then silence

Nightwing: Damn, too late.

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gothamundernightlight

Incorrect Batfam Quotes

Bruce: That's an interesting shirt. Who's on it?

Harley: *wearing a tee shirt that says “Fuck the Joker”

Harley: No idea.

Bruce: Oh. Where's it from?

Harley: I don't know, I stole it.

Bruce: I’m begging you, please tell me before I find a shipment of them on my front porch from my son.

Jason: *appearing from nowhere

Jason: Too late.

gothamundernightlight

Incorrect Batfam Quotes

Tim: Not to name names, but there are some people in this family who are trying to out-stupid a brick.

Tim: And not gonna lie, some of you are solid competition!

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gothamundernightlight

Incorrect Batfam Quotes

Ra’s Al Ghul: It is the nature of human kind to fear what they do not understand. Their ways are not our ways.

Tim: I ought to get hazard pay just from listening to you yammer on. Now shut up and get ready for another ass kicking.

gothamundernightlight

Incorrect Batfam Quotes

Steph: Revenge always sounds so negative. I prefer to call it “DIY Justice” and sure, maybe I don’t have the right tools or certifications and the outcome’s a bit messier than I had originally planned but I’m an independent woman who got the job done!

Tim: That’s a weird way to admit you got your dad arrested.

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gothamundernightlight

Incorrect Batfam Quotes

*Bruce interviewing for a new sidekick

Bruce: Have you ever been diagnosed with a mental disorder or experienced any childhood trauma?

Kid: Not yet.

Bruce: I can fix that.

gothamundernightlight

Incorrect Batfam Quotes

*Damian trying out social media

Damian: Is anyone else’s parent not gullible enough to be lured into a cult, but they are nosy enough?

Bruce: Wha– I am not nosy! And I didn’t join a cult!

Damian: Oh really? Where exactly did you meet my mother then?

Bruce: …

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gothamundernightlight

Incorrect Batfam Quotes

Jason: You mean to tell me that you are only just now figuring out you are neurodivergent?

Tim: Don’t make me feel bad about not being able to read my own room. You know I’m bad at it!

Jason: No, I’m just surprised we both didn’t know you’re bad at it.

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