“you and me, book. now and always.”

Being able to sit in the hot tub on my lunch break at work is going to be the only thing that keeps me sane during the winter, I just know it

I know there’s the whole “Boomers replying weirdly to texts” joke, but all of y’all without kids truly underestimate the strangest responses come from kids learning to text for the first time 😂

Case in point—my seven year old:

As if this point in time wasn’t shitty enough, since the weather has gotten colder, I’m seeing less and less of Hot Offline Coworker™️ out on the playground and when it’s cloudy, there’s no point in sitting in the singular sunny spot in my school, so I can’t even see him in the hallway. Absolute bullshit. I’m going through withdrawal

I tell myself that every arduous minute I spend with my at home laser hair removal thing is a minute I don’t have to spend shaving in the future, but, man, it takes so damn long 😩

My co-teacher got to spend almost the entire day in Hot Offline Coworker™️’s room and I had to sit there and pretend like I wasn’t fucking jealous at all like—

Welp, I guess my Secret Crush™️ is not so secret anymore.

Cannot believe my crush on Hot Offline Coworker™️ is “very obvious” to our assistant director but somehow not to Hot Offline Coworker™️!!!

GOING TO SEE TAMINO AGAIN AHHHHHHHHH

Hot Offline Coworker™️ 100% noticed my hockey shirt and now it’s just a waiting game to see if he does anything with this knowledge

Not the same parent (who knows I’m Jewish!!) asking me to babysit Thursday night (Rosh Hashanah) a few nights ago and then just now asking me to babysit on October 12th (which is fucking Yom Kippur!!!)

Having an exceptionally Terrible Joint Day and have not only popped my knee out of place simply by trying to stand up, but also popped my shoulder AND elbow out of their sockets while trying to wipe my fucking ass 😩😌

Might have done the most CLOWNISH thing in the entire world but it’s 100% going to get Hot Offline Coworker™️’s attention

I’m probably going to have to get some new dresses for the High Holidays because none of my dresses that fit are formal enough and the dresses that ARE formal enough are way too big and I’m just 😭🫠

This Hot Offline Coworker™️ thing is getting STRESSFUL and I need him to stop just awkwardly (and silently) lingering around me and eavesdropping whenever I have conversations with anyone! Just ask me out for coffee jfc!!!!!

I just realized Hot Offline Coworker™️ probably has some *really* decent hair on his chest from the ~Judiasm~ and I am now forever cursed with this unknown until I can confirm it myself

Oh fuck I THINK HE KNOWS