Old reflections...
I think that one of the most important things to remember when we talk about healing from emotional trauma of any description is that there is no set path… There is no book that holds all the answers… No guarantee that what worked for 10, 20 or 30 other people will work for you… you have to find what it is that is right for YOU. And doing that itself, is perhaps one of the most empowering steps in recovery… Because by making a choice based solely on your best interests, you take back some of the control that an emotional breakdown makes you feel you’ve lost. And in that process, you will often encounter another ally - intuition. It’s often referred to as a female trait, but I believe it’s something we all carry… and many of us too readily ignore. Deep, deep in your soul, you will almost always know what is right for you… But there’s a lot of noise & static in the world around us, and sometimes it interferes with listening to that inner voice of guidance.
The thing about emotional trauma is that things do not ever return to exactly the way they used to be. But that can be said for everything in life, once a moment is passed it is past, we can never take it back, it can never be any different, and that is true irrespective of whether that moment was happy, sad or indifferent. If looked upon the wrong way, that can be a terrifying thing - I think we all have things in life we’d give anything to go back and change. What you CAN change, is the way you reflect, the way you carry forth elements of your past and the space you allow them to occupy in your present & project into your future.
Some of the most valuable lessons in life are learnt from the most difficult of circumstances. It is that gift of learning that we should try to carry forward. Not that that is an easy task. Ultimately, if we could learn these lessons in a less painful way we’d make that choice time & time again. But in the absence of that choice, the choice you can make is what you carry forward and what you leave behind.
The past never leaves us, it’s always right there behind us and it’s ok - maybe even necessary - to occasionally glance over your shoulder & give a nod to where you’ve been and the mountains you’ve climbed. But you don’t want to always be looking backwards whilst trying to walk forwards; inevitably, you’ll eventually walk into a wall or some other obstacle. Keep one eye on where you are and the other on where you want to be, listen to your intuition and what life has taught you and you have the power to achieve as much as you dare to dream.