Just keep your eyes on her horizon...

I'm in such a strange place right now...

Tori was incredible... The shows, everything she said to me, the time spent with my 'family' or posse as we tend to prefer. It was euphoric. It filled me with so much hope and life and peace and for the 1st time in a very long time, amongst all the chaos, I felt like myself. I will write a much more detailed post about all this at some point, but right now, sadly, my head just isn't there.

And it's not just the emotional come-down after such high's, my life has just become awfully complicated and stressful. Work especially. Not the job itself, I love what I do to pieces, but the background politics and it's tearing me apart. Equally, the thought of leaving breaks my heart.

And my body. It's not intentional, I don't even know what I weigh right now and haven't for some time. But contrary to the usual ED perspective, I can actually see myself disappearing.

I'm trying to just get through each day. If I can get through all of this stress to more stable ground I know I can build on the strength Tori and the entire experience gave me. I just have to keep my eyes on that horizon and hope I don't crumble in the process.

"I know I've got some magic buried deep in my heart yeah..."