Glennon Melton

Gratitude for the gift of 'New Life'

You don't have to know me particularly well to know that I'm not even remotely religious, and as we are going into Autumn here in the southern hemisphere, it may seem odd that I'm choosing to focus on the concept of 'new life' as both the seasonal and religious festivals do at this time of year, but as various thoughts swirled through my mind feeling alone last night, it occurred to me I had my own point of significance to mark on the calendar.

It was more or less this time last year that I first seriously attempted to take my own life. That day is little more than a blur of teary phone calls that turned to anger when police arrived at my door, followed by a long night involving arguments with ambo's and what seemed like an eternity spent in the Emergency Department. One thing I do recall with piercing accuracy, is a part of the conversation had with the exhausted and emotional dear friend who had saved my life from the other side of the country. I was still angry she had called the police, but she refused to argue and simply stated, 'I hope you will look back one day and be grateful.'

Tonight I made sure she knew just how grateful I am. Grateful that a year on not only am I still here alive, but that I no longer.suffer suicidal thoughts or self harm, and haven't done for over 6 months now. She commented what a long road recovery is, but that this was a turning point that proved I would eventually recover. 

And I would like to believe she's right. I still have a long way to go in terms of recovering from Anorexia and healing as a whole. Returning to see my Psychologist this week was a big reality check, as the reaction to my intake and weight was one of serious concern and not at all positive. But, the reduction in anxiety and mental clarity that has come in the last 6 months, free from thoughts of taking my life, has really put me where I need to be to begin to heal myself and move forwards in recovering my health as a whole. And when I reflect upon all of the big and little bumps I've had to deal with in the last 6 months, had I still been suicidal I don't know I'd still be here; I think the pressure would have been all too much.

There are still times when I find life enormously difficult, but I know now I will never give up on living it the best I can. I am so grateful I am still here alive and breathing, with the chance to keep fighting to live a life where I'm doing more than just surviving. And I am. More so day by day, and I'm determined now more than ever to never go back; to create a new life, woven with all the threads wisdom the past has taught me, and live it to the fullest - every single moment of it.

So I am grateful, C. More than grateful. More than I could ever express.