Why do we...

Crucify ourselves. Every. Damn. Day.

This is the toughest week I’ve had in a long time and I’ve really tied myself up into a all of stress over a stupid little thing. But it’s also kinda a big thing, and that’s the problem. And I’ve just amplified it and made a horrible mess of things in the process.

On top of this I’ve ended up horribly sick. Probably in part due to my own stress levels, but I think mostly I’m just run down from months of hard work.

Months of hard work that I will not just throw away. I’m frustrated with myself for getting so wound up in the first place, which isn’t helping. I need to let it go.

The lesson here for me is about balance. So much of my self-worth is tied up in a small number of things... But even if they’re worthwhile things, it leaves you vulnerable. And it also leaves me neglecting important parts of my self and what my soul wants... I love my job, but I’m dying to be more creative again... I miss being a social butterfly... Is it tour time yet? Not every moment needs to be productive. It doesn’t need to be measured to be worthwhile.

I watched the Tori Amos Welcome To Sunny Florida DVD tonight. That version of Crucify... 

“And I’m never going back, no way, on the floor that day, head in my hands, at your feet, this I swear I have crawled my way back, I have crawled my way back I have crawled my way...”

Powerful. And just what I needed. There is no going back.