made orange rolls for us yesterday, and today I’m baking sugar cookies to take to friends tomorrow. debating on whether I want to decorate them
two nights in a row I’ve dreamt that I couldn’t breathe and woke up to find that both cats have decided to sit on my chest 😭
really want to edit this 99.9999% finished chapter so I can post it and be done with it but have been at the point where I can’t look at my own writing for more than a couple of lines at a time without cringing rip
artwise I’m trying to learn how to do more stylized work when my preference is more for realism and over-rendering, which takes so much time! I’m trying to get more comfortable doing quicker stuff with simple shading but the rendering demons still win sometimes
slowly killing my boyfriend with the accumulated instances where he puts on classic rock and I look at the band and say “oh just like in jojo’s bizarre adventure :)”
it seems after several years of aggressive gift giving I’ve finally gotten my mom to care about holidays and put efforts into gifts again. so that’s a win for me
also had lunch at her house yesterday which is always like. stilted and awkward at best. and then we tried to use the ice dispenser and it somehow (???) spat out lentils (??????) and I just started shrieking with laughter
not me typing out "twitter" in the tumblr search bar 😭 I am way too sleep deprived
I’m still Processing Penny Dreadful thoughts but this def reinforces: a) how much I want to do a fanficy kitchen sink gothic book series at some point ever b) trashy showrunner as the ultimate career goal.
I’m talking to an agent later today to discuss representation and long term career directions so I’ve had that on mind recently. And like that’s absolutely the dream for where I want to end up. Both for the sheer lack of talent necessary and “I can do it better” spite lmao
I haven’t had the stomach churning doom-is-on-the-horizon type anxiety for a while now. Until earlier today, my anxiety’s been rearing its head in much less obtrusive ways. I don’t know what this says about me but I was on the verge of hyperventilating in a Kroger and my immediate reaction was relief. Like “oh good, we’re back to business as usual.”
I just bought so much makeup.
I mean I didn’t even do any useful twitter stuff for the litmag.
Ugh
I am desperately in need of intelligent conversation. The amount of stupid I’ve had to deal with today is astounding.
I finally got home! Today was so damn hectic.
My cat's taken to hanging about the refrigerator.
Sometimes I want to post excerpts of stories I’m working on just for the hell of it. But then I also want to eventually sub these out to lit mags and that might mess up the first pub rights.
What I react to in fiction, mostly movies but sometimes books too, is usually very telling of my own psychological state. It’s always the same things, but what emotion they trigger changes from time to time. No real idea what the changes might reflect either. But I keep a small list of scenes that either squick me out, piss me off, or I absolutely love for no real reason and to a rather extreme degree. And every once in a while I go through all of them, out of morbid curiosity, just to see how I react to them this time.
Well apparently my sleep schedule is destined to be utterly fucked up, be it through one extreme or another. At first I could never sleep until daybreak, now I’m going to bed before sunset.