Well I wouldn’t say the story isn’t thoughtfully plotted out :C

Like yes, it’s an over the top, campy, gorefest that makes no sense, but it succeeds in what it’s trying to do basically. I think it is genuinely, astonishingly good in a few ways. Hirano is fantastic at pacing and using his panels to give the impression he wants— when he bothers. And it’s surprisingly sound when it comes to structure and thematic motifs? The external plot is bonkers, but the way it handles these characters dealing with/being consumed by their pasts, and the way it uses vampirism/monstrosity as a metaphor is really solid.

Hellsing’s main thematic argument is one of comparing monstrosity and humanity, and pitting them against each other.

All the relevant monsters in Hellsing are presented to be unmoored, destructive, and unable to cope with the present in a meaningful way. They are defined by being incapable of moving beyond their pasts, so they seek out as much destruction as they can until they finally find something that can destroy them in turn. (This is consistent throughout the series but most clearly stated in volume 9)

All the monsters presented in Hellsing grapple with the inability to move on. Explicitly, Millennium’s entire raison d’être is bringing about a final “glorious” war they can die in because the modern world has no place for them anymore. They fight with fucking zeppelins. They’re relics.

Seras’ fight with Zorin hinges on a flashback, digging up all the trauma she never confronted. Walter and Alucard’s final battle is entirely about their history, and it has both of them looking like they did during the Dawn era.

Meanwhile, when Anderson uses the Nail of Helena (directly following the unraveling of Iscariot, and the death of Maxwell, who may as well have been his son), that is him refusing to cope. That is what drives him to monstrosity, to self destruction. That’s why he dies.

And Alucard, as the de facto protagonist, has spent the entire plot with the single motive of finding someone worthwhile to defeat him. He has no personal motivations outside of doing whatever Integra/Hellsing tells him to, and just… killing things for the love of the game until he eventually, finally dies. And his past hangs heaviest on the series. The entire present state of the series basically hinges on the shit he did as Dracula. The one thing we know about this guy is that if he could, he would very much like to die while killing things lol.

Anderson is meanwhile his main foil and most strongly represents the past/the siren song of death to him. He’s suspiciously similar in appearance to Van Helsing in the Bela Lugosi movie (despite Van Helsing looking different in the series itself) Meanwhile each encounter with him is immediately followed by a flashback, and then in that final fight Alucard ends up confronting his past human life.

And he almost gives up during that last fight, until Seras (a representation of the present and future) rouses him out of it. That’s his first real choice to move on. But it’s also established that eventually his past is going to catch up to him, and outweigh his future. It’s treated as a foregone conclusion, even if he’s not to that point yet.

So the Schrodinger thing at the end is really interesting. Because bullshit anime logic or not, the point is that he explicitly has to kill every single familiar he’s accumulated over the centuries, in order to exist in the present. Even then he’s “everywhere and nowhere” (lmao. whatever) which basically gives him the option to fizzle out of existence? So the epilogue existing at all, despite my various annoyances with its writing choices, is an interesting culmination of his arc! He chose to come back to his silly little found family when he really didn’t have to! I like that as an arc.

And in any sort of restructure I would want that preserved, even if the entire plot isn’t conveyed through boss battles. Anyway I’ve said for ages that I would want a monster of the week version of the series, so probs something like that.

Something with like the BTVS (or Supernatural lol) classic structure of small fry enemies per episode that culminate in a season arc/big bad. The ideal tonal and stylistic comparison would be X Files, but their overarching narratives famously sucked lol. Anyway I just would’ve liked a procedural vibe like that. I think the implications of Integra taking over the Badrick situation in the first volume is really interesting. And Seras being a police officer who was super not in the know— when higher ranking people are— was something that could’ve been explored in much more depth. I would’ve loved to see her as a recurring character in their like procedural episodes who keeps brushing up against this weird paranormal leaning stuff she doesn’t understand, until she finally gets involved in something that goes wrong and has to be turned into a vampire (ostensibly to save her life… but maybe to keep her quiet)

I also would love more intra organization drama that doesn’t result in immediate blood shed lol. We’re told that Iscariot and Hellsing have clearly mapped out jurisdictions based on majority religion, and treaties and diplomatic relationships, however strained. Maxwell going “fuck your treaties” is apparently a new thing, so like how does that go! What are the repercussions! What brought this on! And like are there any other similar organizations abroad? Are there team ups? I would like there to be team ups.

Meanwhile the existence of the round table implies that… the entire UK government.. is a sham? That they’re actually living in a secret feudal society? I want to know about the families and the politics and the very likely cartoonish degrees of corruption! The original Studio Gonzo show, very poorly, implemented a plotline where Hellsing became too much of a liability and the Queen specifically decided (lol) to have them publicly labeled as a terrorist organization and arrest everyone involved, pretending that they never had any government ties. That was fun! I would like a good version.

Or like it’s set in the 90s, let’s talk about how much harder it’s going to be to keep the supernatural quiet with the rise of technology, and the Internet. Like idk there’s room for a lot! I would basically just love to see a more sprawling version of this story and world.

My main issue with Alucard also is just that he’s so overpowered physically, that it seems like a waste to always put him in fights where he is 100% no question going to win. Putting him on a ship because the plot simply wouldn’t happen if he was there is 😭😭😭 I think we can have some boss battles, gore, and body horror, bc that is fun. But he just needs more restraints. I’d put more focus on him answering to Integra, who in turn answers to the slow moving machine that is bureaucracy, and just not let him do as much, and with severe consequences if he gets too out of line to maintain some stakes. Meanwhile, having a more mystery procedural approach would’ve balanced things out a bit more imo!

lmaooo I tried to tell you! it’s about dracula looking stupid, being wildly suicidal, and goring nazi vampires. the ship is super not the point

Obviously I… do not think that considering how much ship fic I have posted? Like I’m not sure what you are expecting me to say here! I’m not interested in ship wars. And if someone is dead set on her being a lesbian then like good for them lmao. Canon tells us fuck all, interpret it however you want idc

But omg getting into Hellsing for ship content and then it’s ten hours of a wildly suicidal Dracula in a stupid hat goring nazi vampires. Good luck 😭

Fwiw, if you like manga, I think starting with the manga is a slightly better entry point. The Ultimate OVAs follow canon pretty closely but the first episodes make some odder stylistic choices, and the vibes just end up being a little different.

As for romance, like I struggle to see her doing that tbqh? We don’t talk about feelings in this house! And it’s literally a character choice that she keeps like three feet from him at all times in canon lmao.

But also yeah I mean he’d go along with it? He has zero boundaries + probably views a sexual relationship of some sort between them an inevitability— like I HC that he was absolutely fucking Arthur and Van Helsing too. If she reads into that context though, she would HATE it.

And then there’s the element where… he doesn’t do well if offered like. actual kindness. So if she’s unmistakably talking about feelings and making it clear she cares about him, then very high chance he’s going to either write it off as her being young and silly, or he might just think that she’s mocking him. Idk it would just be very thorny regardless.

OH I just scrolled up and saw the “when he came back” bit. Idk man honestly that’s harder to parse. I typically think they’re even more dysfunctional after the timeskip because they barely know each other anymore at that point.

Oh I mean Alutegra is MUCH more layered, and I think the actual relationship is more competently conveyed? Darklina is interesting to me in the broader brushstrokes of what it suggests + I have an existing forever interest in "kill your overbearing mentor" as a narrative trajectory. From a practical perspective, the larger story also just has more set pieces to play with, a larger cast, and the fandom is all around more active, which is why it's currently occupying my brain more lol. (Also Darklina isn't even my favorite TGT ship dfghjkjhgf I'm a Nikolina truther through and through) I would say Hellsing is straight up better, but its scope is rather limited and like the cast is small and the story is super stylized. I'm personally also an OC hater, so playing in that sandbox is simply more limiting. But if we're only comparing the relationships, Darklina appeals to the things I enjoy in like Phantom of the Opera, and Deathless, and Elisabeth das Musical. That kind of stock dynamic from a lot of gothics of an ingenue and a larger than life villain with all the obvious melodramatic stylistic trappings of it. It's death and the maiden, Don Bluth Anastasia if Rasputin was sexy lmaooo. It’s tried and true, it's fun, it's silly, but it has just enough depth and genuine ugliness, that it can have a more meaningful, visceral heart. I find it the most compelling as a predatory dynamic, and interrogating it from the lens of like abuse and grooming. Despite the silly fantasy plot, the point is that Aleksander wants to break Alina completely, because he has a gaping hole in his own life and he expects her to fill it. And there is so much interpersonal cruelty in that, and that is interesting to me!

Alutegra is meanwhile like playing with similar stock tropes but turning them on their head. Alucard is just outright fucking Dracula lmao. He's thee vampire genre corrupting force. But meanwhile he's Integra's savior, her dog on a leash, and despite all loyalty to her, also personally ruining her goddamn life. The moral quandaries are like tripled; being in league with him goes against everything she supposedly stands for as a vampire hunter, meanwhile he's a ruthless, bloodthirsty murderer and her burden, but also her family's victim. And there's something unique about like... wanting the ruinous canker in your life to... stay there. The "kill your mentor" plotline involves a fairly straightforward like rising above and beyond, but there's no resolution here. He met her when she was fucking twelve and she doesn't know any other life. Even when he disappears for thirty years, she is still fixated on him. It's such a suffocating dynamic! But also they are trying so hard to be nice to each other????? The genuine good will just makes it so much worse. It's like yes, there is a dull, rusty, and poisoned knife in my gut, but I'm going to keep it there and make sure the wound gets worse, and in my heart of heart's I know it doesn't want to hurt me but yes it does <3

I think it varies! For Hellsing a staple is very much just the characters sitting around talking about how fucked up the like. base premise is lmao. Alucard being mostly at peace with it and that actually horrifying Integra. I call them “sins of the father” fics bc… that’s what she’s grappling with lol.

TGT uhhh idk I guess there are similar enough canon divergence points I usually opt for. I try to make the plots as different as I can despite this, but the end result is usually that a POV character Is miserable and the rest of the cast mirrors that in some way?

I also just have fairly set opinions on the characters so there ends up being some repeated or at least similar beats between fics.

I guess the most recurring theme across the board for all my fics, regardless of fandom, is actually: Character Has Unresolved Trauma (lol)

Hi! Sorry, I’m not sure I quite follow what you mean by philosophical, and on top of that, I just haven’t read any Hellsing fic in years, to be quite honest! I looked through my old bookmarks and most of them are relationship drama centered lol. So not much help there.

I do personally have several fics that are heavy on introspection and the characters arguing the usual series themes (usually the nature of Alucard’s servitude; sins of the father; Integra’s responsibilities) if you want to look through my older stuff on AO3. But that’s the best I can offer, sorry 😭

If I still have Hellsing people following me, feel free to chime in with any recs!