@giogio-gucci-gangstar / giogio-gucci-gangstar.tumblr.com
Summary: Hol Horse enrages little GioGIo, so obviously he is forced to take drastic measures to put Hol in his place.
CW: Giorno acting like his father, attempted murder, DIO the bad dad encourages said murder, no actual murdering tho
Disclaimer: Obviously DIO reads ancient history and philosophy to Giorno as a bedtime story. He thinks graphic Greek tragedies are perfectly age appropriate for a five year old.
Summary: Its Giorno’s Birthday and he receives some interesting gifts...
CW: DIO is an irresponsible parent, Hol Horse is a lazy gift giver, talk of murder?
“Giorno,” DIO called, “come here. Daddy has a few questions to ask you.”
Giorno sprinted in, still covered in a little dirt from playing with the worms in the flower beds. “Yes papa?”
DIO cleared his throat, “DADDY has some very important questions for you,” he waved around a questionnaire, “it’s a bit of a test but everyone in the mansion has to take it.”
“Ok Papa.”
DIO glowered, “Da-ddy. My name is Daddy.”
Giorno fluttered his little eyes and replied, “Ok papa.”
“Hol Horse get THE FUCK in here! The little brats doing it again pretending he doesn’t know what to call me!” Hol Horse cam sprinting in as DIO sauntered away rubbing his temples softly muttering “Just get him to take the quiz my god. If there were points for being unbearable he’d pass. Fucking Joestar genes too strong…”
“Uh ok kiddo come here. Your Daddy has some questions he’d like me to ask you.” Hol Horse gestured for Giorno to take a seat with him at the table. Little Giorno climbed up onto the chair and closed his hands on the table as a sign of maturity.
“Continue.” He stated. Hol shook his head, he could only imagine DIO had held the same poise and commanding tone as a child.
“Alrightio. Question number 1. You see a 20 dollar bill lying on the ground, what do you do? A. You-“
“I turn it into a butterfly and take it home.” Giorno cut off Hol before he could finish the options.
DIO had created this little “personality quiz” in a multiple choice format so he could accurately measure each of his employees evil potential. But. Hol figured if Gio just wanted to answer freely that was fine. Chaos is always more evil than order he rationalized.
“Ooookay! Question 2. Someone takes your ice cream. What do you do?” Hol poses the next question to the little boy across the table from him. Giorno’s eyebrows were scrunched tightly together. Clearly he was thinking hard.
“I'd turn their ice cream into spiders. While they’re yelling and being afraid, which is silly because they’re only tree spiders, I would grab myself another scoop while no one is looking.”
“I think your father will approve of that one…” Hol muttered turning to the next question.
“Ok. Question 3. You see a man clearly from the mafia-“
“Oh! I ask him for some more ice cream! He always gets me chocolate and pistachio. Is he with his friends or in the grass again? Doesn’t matter he always gets me ice cream. Change the other answer to ask him for more ice cream.” Giorno prattled on only to confuse Hol Horse more.
“These are extremely detailed answers but I think your dad should know where you’re coming from?” Hol mumbled as he quickly scribbled down word for word Gio’s answer.
“Ok. Question 4. You find a packet filled with a mysterious white powder-“
“Is it sugar?” Giorno asked very seriously.
“Uh no I don’t think it’s supposed to be-“
“Is it… drugs?” Giogio’s face grew dark.
“Uh maybe?” Hol ventured becoming a little frightened of the boy in front of him. “Do you know what drugs are?”
“Drugs are bad.”
“Is that your answer?” Hol prodded foolishly.
“Drugs are bad.” Giorno stated again.
Interesting stance, Hol Horse thought to himself, especially considering who your father is and how he dresses...
~~~~~~~
The exchange went on for a few more minutes until Hol flipped the page over and got to the last question.
“Okay kiddo last one here. Alright, so, someone is begging for your mercy. What do you do?”
“Hm” Giorno thought to himself for quite a while, “did they offend me?”
“Uh yeah sure they offended you-“
“End them.” Giorno looked back up to Hol excitedly, “So we’re done now?”
“Uh I guess? But why do you end them?”
“Because they’re useless.” Giorno said airily as if it was the only natural progression of logic. He hopped down off the chair and went to go play outside again.
Hol Horse shook his head. This little kid was going to grow up into a charismatic disaster. Just like his father.
~~~~~~~
“Wryyyy he scored high on the evilometer! And for such a young age! He’s going to be a great partner in the family business someday!” DIO beamed.
