JJBA Obsessed

So if stands are a reflection of the user, does Cream represent the void in Vanilla Ice’s soul always craving DIO’s attention.

OR is it the void in his asshole craving DIOs dick.

Bonding Time with Dr Phil

DIO takes Hol Horse and Vanilla Ice to therapy.

Thx @iggybestdoggo for the absolutley CURSED reccomendations

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hol Horse and Vanilla Ice had been instructed to drive DIO into a recording studio in Cairo. Neither particularly knew why, but DIO had insisted it would be a bonding experience.

When they finally arrived, Enyaba greeted them, telling DIO that everything had been set up and “he was ready.” Hol Horse wasn’t entirely sure what that meant, but most of the time he wasn’t sure what DIO meant so he went along anyways.

“Master DIO, May I ask why we are here?” Vanilla Ice was equally as confused as Hol Horse.

“I have arranged a meeting with the great Dr. Phil from the color box I had installed in my room. He helps people deal with issues like ours.” DIO explained as if that was a sufficient answer.

“Other people want to kill the Joestars?” Hol scrunched up his face, worrying that they would have to go up against more stand users.

“Mm not particularly. More of an issue with ‘partnership’.” DIO responded vaguely.

Oh shit, Hol Horse thought you himself, DIO didn’t have the best skills in matchmaking when it came to Hol’s previous partners...

The trio entered the studio only to find an empty audience but a rotund man tied to a chair in the center.

“Phil, I am sure Enyaba has filled you in on our... little predicament?” DIO was towering over the man who was visibly sweating through his tacky clothes.

“Uh. Yes sir. But I’m afraid I can’t work with hookers. Against studio policy.” Dr. Phil tried explain.

“There are no ‘hookers’ here,” DIO sneered down at the man.

“Well. I’m afraid that one over there in the leotard needs to cover up his ass cheeks or we won’t be able to get anything accomplished.”

“Hmm I suppose you’re right they are quite distracting. Vanilla Ice put one some tights.”

“Yes master.” Vanilla Ice scurried off trying to find sake thing suitable.

“Actually Vanilla-“ Hol started, but was interrupted by DIO, “No no, you’ll be staying here.”

“Well,” DIO sat down and crossed his legs, “let’s start things shall we?”

“I don’t know what you’re trying to start but-“

“SILENCE” DIO screamed at Dr Phil, turning instead to Hol Horse.

“Darling Hol, do you like being eaten?” DIO nearly whispered, leaning into Hol’s seat.

“Uh sir, I think if I had been eaten I wouldn’t be sitting here.” Hol stuttered.

“Ohh, so you wouldn’t even be able to sit let alone walk if you had? Isn’t that delightful.” DIO purred.

“I mean sir I feel like that’s kind of a life or death sort of-“

“Oh it’s that significant for you is it?” DIO was practically frothing at the mouth when Vanilla Ice jogged back in, dressed like he had just finished Jazzercise.

Dr. Phil looked between the three gentleman skeptically, “So you three are-“

“Partners. We’re partners.” DIO declared looping one arm around Hol and the other around Vanilla.

“Uh. Okay whatever you say yellow man-“

“HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT ME LIKE THIS YOU INSIGNIFCANT PEASANT-“

“I think you lot need to calm the fuck down. And to find some god.“ Dr Phil was going to say something pithy about thier outfits and male strippers but DIO was getting just a smidge infuriated.

“Phil. I am the closest thing to god you will ever see. And if you don’t want to spend an eternity under my thumb I suggest you get on with it.” DIO snarled close to the porky man’s ear.

“Uh alright then. Uh Sir. Um what exactly brings you into me today?” Dr Phil stuttered as the sudden reality of his situation hit. Sure he had had some really weird people in his show, and of course he had dealt with egomaniacs, people with god complexes, and the occasional BDSM tie up. But never all three at the same time. And certainly not with a giant beefcake of a man with two whorish lackeys.

“Simple. Ibe brought you two here because I want a threesome.” DIO stated, as if it was the only logical conclusion to this scenario.

Vanilla Ice hurled himself out of his chair and at DIO, “WHAT am I suddenly not ENOUGH for you? I bleached MY ASSHOLE for you!”

“And it was delicious,” DIO patted Vanilla Ice’s head, “but I desire more...” And with that open ended statement he threw a lustful look at Hol Horse.

“Oh... OHHHH!” Hol finally caught on to what DIO was saying. He stood up slowly and walked over to DIO.

He leaned in close to whisper in his ear, “I didn’t really peg this piggy over here to be your style, but go at it. I won’t stop you guys!” Hol threw a wink to a stupefied DIO and a disgusted Vanilla Ice before strolling out.