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@asikoh

Joseph is the definition of Gay Panic™️ (aka CaeJose confirmed)

Bubble Bath: Joseph x Caesar

Cw: shenanigans, tomfoolery, bubbles, toy battleships, just boys being boys, bro’s being dudes

——————

“No no no JoJo! Are you even paying attention at all!” Caesar grimaced, trying not to laugh at JoJo’s ridiculous antics.

“Mmm I was trying to but then you just started droning on and on with all these names and places and events. Like huh?” Joseph whined, using his Harmon to play with the tagliatelle before him.

“Names and places and events are literally all history is. And how could Venetian history possibly be boring?! It is the epicenter of art and culture-“

“Mmmm the city seems a little spread out to be an epicenter,” at that Caesar groaned and started to massage his temples.

“But actually I do have a question,” Joseph stopped playing with his noodles for a moment to show his sincerity.

Caesar was hesitant to show too much excitement, a question from JoJo could range from ‘could I have a bite of that’ to ‘under what circumstances would you cook my body and eat it’. To be frank Caesar did not like either of those questions, but he had hope that this one could pertain to the lesson at hand. Albeit a small amount of hope.

“Alright... what is your question about?”

“Hamon” JoJo said mater of factly. He smoothly slid out of his chair and started to pace around the table, waving his fork around to the tempo of his thoughts.

“So. Hamon is conducted easily through water right?”

“Yes that’s fairly basic, but yes it’s-“

“No that’s all I needed from that. Next, you have soap over all your clothing so you can make bubbles with your Hamon correct?”

“Yes?” Caesar was beginning to feel like he was being interrogated and feared the result.

“And if I’m not wrong, soap and water create bubbles-“

“Yes Joseph what the hell are you on about!”

JoJo finally broke and slammed his hands down on the table in front of Caesar, “THEN ALL THE FACTS WOULD CONCLUDE THAT YOU OF ALL PEOPLE WOULD MAKE THE PERFECT BUBBLE BATH!”

Caesar scoffed, arrogance oozing off of him, “JoJo, every bath I take is a bubble bath.”

JoJo’s jaw dropped so fast it nearly hit the table. “R-really?”

“Mmmhm. I’m quite surprised you haven’t tried it yourself. Or is it that you can’t do it on your own?” There it was, Caesar’s snide grin, so easily turning this into a competition.

“Uhhh don’t you think I’ve tried? What do you think all that water on the terrace was from?”

“My god! I thought it was just a freak storm!” Caesar was genuinely shocked that JoJo still had such little control of his Hamon. Maybe he could take this chance and be the bigger person. JoJo had conceded that he didn’t know how to do it... maybe this was his odd little way of asking for help.

“Do you want me to show you how to do it?” Caesar asked hesitantly. This was either going to be a teachable moment, which was what this whole afternoon was supposed to be, or it would end in disaster. As most moments with JoJo did.

“Yes!” JoJo nearly pounced on Caesar, grabbing his hand and dragging him to the bathroom.

———

“So try this” and Caesar leaning over JoJo, gently spreading his fingers gently across the surface of the water.

“Ha,” JoJo was a little flushed, “so, is this how you get all the girls?” he managed to stutter out.

Caesar totally missing his point scoffed, which was one of his most usual reactions to JoJo, “No they wouldn’t know how to use Hamon.”

JoJo tolled his eyes, “I meant with bubble baths helloooooo” gesturing to the tub below them.

“Oh, then no. These are just for myself.” He back up and dried his hands on the towel on the table.

“Show me how to make one.” JoJo insisted.

“We just made bubbles-“

“Noooo I want the whole bubble bath! You said you make the best ones. Or were you bluffing?” He taunted.

“Hrmph. I’m offended now. I’ll only show you if you ask nicely.”

“Pleeeeaaaaaase” JoJo nearly begged.

Caesar’s mouth quirked up in a grin, “Well, I guess I can show you how to.”

———

“Bubbles, and a shit ton of them! Some rose petals? Classy! AND candles, my god this is even more extravagant than Lisa Lisa’s!” JoJo’s excitement was palpable.

Joseph was elated looking at the beautiful warm tub awaiting him. He kicked off his boots and started unraveling his scarf. He was just about to slip off his shirt when Caesar interjected.

“JoJo what the hell are you doing?” He shielded his eyes away from the still stripping figure before him.

“What do you mean. It’s a bath, I’m not just gonna let it go to waste.”

“But you’re nearly naked! And you didn’t even give me a warning!”

“Oh... didn’t know you needed one. You’ve never needed one before...” Joseph teases easing himself into the bubbles.

“What the HELL is that supposed to mean?!.”

“Oh come on it’s not like you haven’t seen me in more compromising positions.”

“No JoJo I haven’t!”

“Oh. Well I’ve seen you at least and there’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

“JOJO WHAT THE FUCK”

“You really think Lisa Lisa is the only one I spy on? Nah I’ve seen everyone in this house. I don’t discriminate, though Loggins is terrifyingly hairy so I try to avoid-“

“JOJO! You pervert!! You can’t just go around watching people take baths it’s-“

“Well that’s exactly what you’re doing right now.”

“NOT WILLINGLY”

“WELL IF YOU DIDNT WANT TO SEE IT YOU CAN LEAVE”

“I made the bath... I shouldn’t have to be the one to leave...” Caesar pouted, glaring at him

“Well then come on in, the tubs plenty big.” JoJo offered nonchalantly.

Caesar looked at him incredulously, “JoJo that’s indecent.”

“Mmm no I have something to solve that. Check third pocket on the right in my little backpack.”

Caesar skeptically opened that particular zipper compartment and pulled out two toy battle ships.

“Now second to the left” instructed JoJo peering out over the tub.

Caesar, a little scared to continue, slowly pulled out two miniature water guns.

“Jojo, do you just carry these around all the time?”

“Of course, never know when the perfect moment will arise. The second lesser known Joestar technique is to always be prepared.”

“I-is one of these for me?” Caesar carefully asked, still trying to avoid the naked sight of Joseph.

“Uh duh. But toss me one while you’re at it. Your bubbles may be nice, but no bath is complete without these bad boys.” As JoJo snagged the small water pistol out of the air.

While Caesar was mentally preparing himself to slide into the tub, JoJo covertly filled up the small fun under the bubbles.

When Caesar finally turned around to undress, JoJo used this moment to place a well aimed squirt right down the back of his pants.

“JOJO YOU ASSHOLE” Caesar screamed as he threw himself at JoJo in the tub, but that damn boy was too slippery! He slipped right out of Caesar’s hands, buck naked, and sprinted down the hall with Caesar on his heels.

Here’s an aerial Lisa Lisa with her Ripples of Adventure outfit!

Joseph: *listening to Carless Whisper by WHAM!*

Caesar: What the hell are you doing

Joseph: Idk but this song just makes me want to aggressively Macarena *continues to AGRESSIVKY Macarena*

Kars: the universe didn’t grant me the abilities to walk in the sun, exist off something other than human blood, or compassion. But I can crack a walnut with my bara bara titties

JoJo’s Theme Songs Ranked for Fuckability/Sexy Time Tunes (tested)

#1. Pillarmen Theme 10/10

#2 I Want You 9/10

#3 Fighting Gold 7/10

#3 Freakin You 7/10

#5 Crazy Noisy Bizarre Town 4/10

So I tried to dress like Lisa Lisa this morning, with like a scarf and sunglasses and shit, but then I saw myself in my laptops reflection and went

“oh I look like the distressed mother of two gay ferrets”

so that’s how my day is going