it's still you.

10.11.24

i'm procrastinating on my homework as i'm writing this this

another day of being victimized by r

I love this shade of green so much I went searching for washi tape to go with it. I found some beauties at my local Micheals. Not perfect but harmonious enough.

📜 Hobonichi cousin planner

Junk journal entry #6 - Art gallery and ramen 🍜

— Kurt Vonnegut (via lazypacific)

this is why i tire of justifying applying for a humanities degree- yes i want to pay inordinate amounts of money for university to study the classics and yes it will be worth it

is the act of discovery, of understanding something written thousands of years ago not reward enough? is experiencing the same story, the same feelings as someone aeons before my time not profitable enough?

i want to study the arts because i want to experience humanity from long ago and feel a connection with everyone who has done so before me

obsessed with mass market paperbacks. their pleasing rectangular proportions. how they fit badly in a hoodie pocket so you can drag them around everywhere with you like a temporary little buddy. the way they fit in your hand because they're MADE for human hands and not as bookshelf decoration. the way the pages feel when you riffle them gently with your thumb. How pristine and crisp they look when you get them and how creased and folded they look when you're done, even if you try to be nice to them. how that wear is okay, how that's correct actually, because they're made with the philosophy that books aren't meant to be PRETTY, they're meant to be read. that little ripple new ones get on the left side from where you hold them when you're reading, the way the ripple only goes as far as you've read, because u change stories by reading as they are changing you. how you can find thousands of these creased and folded and loved little dudes in every thrift store and used book shop and neighborhood library and you can instantly see the ones that someone carried around in a backpack for weeks or read to pieces or gave up on halfway through because they wear being read like fresh snow wears footprints. I love these poorly made, subpar little rectangles so much. truly the people's books.

holding yourself accountable and tearing yourself down are two different things

how to do it (asking seriously)

be aware of what you’ve done wrong. forgive yourself and learn from it rather than beating yourself up over it and thinking it’s just a part of you that can’t be changed. know that you can’t go back and undo it but also that in the future you can do better and not repeat the same regret. self hatred stemming from regret is hard to control, but it can be managed with patience and practice.

DON'T focus on:

DO focus on:

me, a responsible being, working on the coding project as I should vs. me, a dysfunctional shithead, getting distracted by reading about brains (once aGAIN damnit (it's my favorite "I need to study my field but bc I should do that it's an impossible unthinkable feat now, so I'm reading about something else to fool my brain I'm still being productive"-topic))

Hand-drawn "journal" (sketchbook) spread from my current, as yet untitled project.

Gerard Lange art journals, Book 30: As Yet Untitled, spread 5 (pp. 10–11), in process (2024), 33 x 57 x 5.5 cm (13 x 22½ x 2½ in.).

Week 38 in my Hobonichi Weeks. I finished reading Happy Place, watched Beetlejuice and Beetlejuice Beetlejuice, and got new shoes.

⋆ ⭒ ✭ ⭒ ⋆

I tried this new layout for a few weeks. In hindsight I am not the biggest fan of how this looks, and the reading direction is a bit confusing. I did like that I was able to write a bit more detailed about my day. I’m glad I chose a b6 for next year so I can combine my usual layout style with the amount of writing I did here.

journal

thesis notes in my pocket notebook & a very nice americano