Am I the only one who thinks that hitting a kid and abuse are different things? Like, if I ever had a kid, I wouldn’t spank their ass raw or something like that. But a bop on the mouth or the ear pull or a smack upside the head? Yea. Those are behavior modifiers.
Except they’re not.
The studies done by the trained psychologists in this joke show that little kids don’t associate being hit with the thing they’ve done wrong. Very small children only understand consequences that are directly caused by the thing they did. Steal a biscuit, biscuit tastes good. Then for no reason mummy hit me. Very different to stole a biscuit, now no biscuit after dinner because I stole a biscuit.
And they also show that when a child is old enough to understand why they are being hit that non-physical punishment is equally as effective and less mentally harmful in the long run.
Do you know who benefits the most from hitting as a punishment? The parent. It gives a satisfaction rush. Parents do it because it makes them feel good.
Basically kids have two stages: too young to understand why they are being hit so physical punishment is useless for anything other than teaching a child that bigger stronger people can hit you whenever they like (Which sounds like the same lesson you would learn from abuse)
And the second stage is old enough to be reasoned with so many punishment options are available and you chose physical violence because it makes *you* feel better, which is an abusive action.
The only time a person should ever use violence against another human being, of any age, is to stop that person from being violent themselves.
Hitting a stranger is a crime. Hitting someone small who relies on you for food, love, and shelter should be as well. Don’t hit your fucking kid.
As someone who was hit as a kid, I don’t think it’s effective.
Children shouldn’t fear their parents/caregivers.
What me and my brothers learned from our parents was that we couldn’t make mistakes or we’d get the belt or kicked in the ass or spanked. It made us fearful of mistakes, untruthful with accidents, resentful and angry.
My brothers acted out more because of the severity of the punishment we received. I think they were just as angry about it as me and that’s how they got back at our folks. I was an anxious, miserable mess who lived in constant fear of displeasing my parents. Yes, I was angry, but I was more afraid. I was hit less, and didn’t understand why until a few years ago when my parents joked that “we didn’t need to hit you, we’d raise our voice and you’d start crying and freaking out” cue laughter from both of them.
Obviously, because I was a little girl, and I was fucking scared.
I do believe in discipline. Consequences for actions, lessons learned through accidents, and accountability.
We have to remember that kids are learning. They’re like sponges, absorbing everything they see and hear. They need to be taught the skills to handle and own up to mistakes. They need to be taught that we don’t hit people we care about. They need to be taught that there are consequences for their actions. They need to be taught honesty and respect for the world around them. And especially respect for themselves.
Hitting a child does none of these things. Hitting a child teaches them nothing. It’s a dated and lazy form of discipline and it is NOT parenting.
