I have never once wished for Tolkien to still be alive as much as I do in this moment

This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen

tony hawk

in my head the star wars equivalent of tswift is some human woman named tay’lor spiff or something and her stans are losing their minds over theories that she’s secretly a jedi singing about the horrors of war, even though she’s from a neutral system that hasn’t seen so much as a moral panic in 50 years

the theories get even more egregious during the imperial era, with people straight up thinking she joined the rebellion in secret and is loading her songs with subliminal rebel propaganda. their main piece of evidence for this is if you play a certain song backwards, it sounds like she’s saying “freedom” in shyriiwook. the fans get really defensive if you point out she’s performed at the yearly empire day celebration thrice now and her family historically owned ewok slaves

i regret to inform both you beautiful people that this isn’t going to go how you think it will

spiff fans (also known as “spiffies”) insist that the two decommissioned venator-class destroyers spiff purchased, the bad blood and the reputation, are for diplomatic purposes that benefit the rebellion. jedi’lors have concocted theories that she served on both ships during the clone wars and was respectful of every clone that served there, despite her courtship of a gravball player that thrice advocated against the clone veterans being granted natural citizenship

🪐chirodactylmanisagatewaydrug Follow •••

all goofing aside I don't understand the urge to reimagine Tay'lor Allisoarn Spiff as a secret Jedi fighting for the rebellion when the rebel alliance is literally like overflowing with women fighting the empire. Gara and Ke'Cha and Mileu and Halcey are right there. like what are we doing here. like I'm not even saying you can't like Taylor but why would you hang all your hopes of taking down the empire on her

🤖 thedroidteer-andthegarbagecompactor Follow

Isn't Lady Gara a force sensitive?

🪐chirodactylmanisagatewaydrug Follow

Hence why I put her in the list of famous force using women who are in the rebel alliance?

(okay ignore the fact I've put an image in here but this is ops icon)

🪐chirodactylmanisagatewaydrug Follow

#im sure op has this post muted by now but Ur icon is so real op

The icon is because of this post

👤Eelinrmalice-deactivated201X023

btw to just clarify for anyone who sees this reblog of this post

op is basically saying something along the lines of "yea ik tay'lor spiff is a jedi but like. why is she y'all's only force using rebel icon when there are all these other force users in the rebellion???"

i might have worded this badly but hopefully i got the main point across

🪐chirodactylmanisagatewaydrug Follow

Hi OP here I most CERTAINLY DID NOT SAY TAY'LOR SPIFF IS A JEDI???

(based on this post)

you wouldn't believe who showed up in today's Jango Fett comic issue

(Jango Fett #4 by Ethan Sacks and Luke Ross)

head in my hands. she looks so much like the design i made too

au where everythings the same except zoros hair color changes with the seasons (including the seasonal islands of the grand line)

zoro may suck at directions but the crew uses him to navigate

pink:

green:

orange:

brown:

feel free to add on to the list

When I saw this old photograph, I knew that I had to draw the Crew of Light this way, all balancing on top of totally-not-imbued-with-supernatural-power Jonathan. He's normal. It's fine.

[ID in Alt]

Cat Tumblr Dashboard Simulator

🖋️ meowful-musings Follow

🕊️ birdwatching Follow

what's wrong with dry food??? my humans feed me it all the time and i think it's fine

💀 elusivehider-deactivated948204 Follow

op wheres the natural feeding option

🌲 outdoorsy Follow

you guys are getting fed?

#im a barn cat so maybe im missing something here #meowtthew don't look

7,192 notes

☀️ pawsitive-affurmations Follow

ITS OKAY TO BE A MOGGIE

ITS OKAY TO BE A MOGGIE

YOU ARE NOT LESS VALID IF YOU ARE NOT A SPECIFIC PEDIGREE!!!!!

☀️ pawsitive-affurmations Follow

extra special shout out to cats who have "common" coat colors. grey tabbies and black cats i am rubbing against your head affectionately <3

🪤 m0usetrap01 Follow

as a grey tabby i really needed to hear this :"3

#i feel like i never see positivity posts for moggies even tho we're the most common type of cat....

154,688 notes

🎵 rage-against-the-meowchine Follow

i cant believe there are cats ACTUALLY advocating for kittens to be separated from their mothers before 12 weeks??? kittens still need to learn how to interact with other cats before being placed into their furever home omg you guys know you're advocating for undersocialized and aggressive cats right

❤️ loving-paws284 Follow

um op some of us??? matured early??????? i was separated from my mother at 7 weeks and i turned out fine... interesting how you assume that kittens being separated from their mothers at a younger age will lead to the degeneracy of the next generation...hmm i wonder where i've heard that before...

🐈 fluffy-the-cat Follow

OP got bit too hard during a play-fight as a kitten and it shows XD

🐟 tunafeesh Follow

also op have you ever considered that just because somecat is kind of scared and unable to deal with strange cats or humans, it doesn't mean they don't deserve to be adopted?? you sound like a vet psyop honestly

🎵 rage-against-the-meowchine Follow

oh meow god saying that kittens should be fully weaned before leaving their mother is NOT veterinarian rhetoric and i never said that they deserve to be euthanized!!! my mother literally died when i was 3 weeks old and it seriously messed up my development so stop putting words in my mouth, thanks

anyway friendly reminder that underweaned kittens are prone to illness and often struggle with basic cat behaviors like litterbox usage, and in some nyavinces it's even considered kitten abuse

#discourse #cant believe "kitten abuse is bad" is controversial now

32,456 notes

🍃 naturalliving Follow

BORN TO DIE

WORLD IS A FUCK

猫神 Kill Em All 1989

I am trash cat

410,757,864,530 DEAD BIRDS

#outdoorliving #outdoorcats please interact #outdoorcat friendly

48,971 notes

🎣 salmonpurina Follow

can't believe cats are uncritically reblogging that born to die world is a fuck post. i know it's funny but op is literally an outdoor cat truther

#like cmon now you just have to go to their blog #lulu speaks

34 notes

💀 tabbystripes-deactivated098712 Follow

gentle reminder that pushing cups off the table is not cute and can cause a lot of distress in your human!!!! gentle reminder that our teeth and claws can easily hurt them more than they can hurt us!!!!

🐰 evil-tabbystripes Follow

evil reminder that the cup should always be pushed off the table. evil reminder that you should always bite and claw at your human no matter what. you can do whatever you want forever

💀 tabbystripes-deactivated098712 Follow

make your own pawst

💀 laser-point-deactivated8574721 Follow

umm i know a tomcat who did that and his human ended up putting him down so...

👬🏻 nyasunaruenjoyer Follow

Nyaverage shelter cat behavior

#not nyaruto #re-nyab #pickles shut up

545,460 notes

🌈 nyaoi-warrior Follow

saw two male cats sleeping together on the porch today. homeow behavior imo

💡 discourse-meows Follow

hey um what the fuck??? it's really not okay of you to go assuming other cat's sexualities, especially cats you don't even know???? as a queer cat i'm VERYY uncomfortable. real-ass cats didn't consent to your nyaoi fetish, thanks

🌈 nyaoi-warrior Follow

1. i was making. a joak

2. i'm literally gay???

#literally what's your pawblem

7 notes

🎩 amazingcatshow12 Follow

reblog if you've ever caught the laser pointer

🎩 amazingcatshow12 Follow

i know you fuckers are lying

🍭 gaykittens Follow

this tom hasn't caught the laser pointer

🎩 amazingcatshow12 Follow

shut the heull up

988,653 notes

🐾 b-e-a-n-t-o-e-s Follow

grey toebeans >>>>>>>>> pink toebeans and don't let the haters make you believe otherwise

🐁 ladymouser Follow

op shut the fuck up ALL toebeans are beautiful!!! just bc you're miserable and insecure doesn't mean you can bring others down based on things they can't control

🐾 b-e-a-n-t-o-e-s Follow

oh so the cat-human separationist wants to preach to us

i know people hate the droughtulas but i love them because that's when the posts start getting weird. days when we have mail everyone is posting about the events and meta surrounding that specific day, but go a few days without and then the bizarre speculative stuff starts coming out of the woodwork, i absolutely want to read about what cheese you think really represents the core of each character

Can't believe this was posted eight hours ago and no one has risen to the challenge yet.

I was actually in a delicatessen yesterday and they offered me an Irish-made gouda-style cheese, which feels very metatextually appropriate for Van Helsing. I looked it up on their website and it turns out to be Killeen Goat Gouda, which is "sweet and nutty". Apparently "its 'goatyness' is never overpowering." I think VH's goatyness can be a bit overpowering sometimes, but his fans would presumably disagree.

Arthur Holmwood is strong, powerful and British, but doesn't stand out too much, and fits in well with others. He's steadfast and reliable. In cheese form, I think that makes him a nice traditional Red Leicester.

Quincey Morris has to be an American cheese that's popular in Europe. That's limiting, although American cheese can be very good (don't believe the French propaganda!). But there's only one American cheese that I've routinely seen in the UK, and it's a good all-rounder that you can eat with almost anything. Quincey is Monterey Jack.

What cheese can really capture Jack Seward's wet cat personality? I feel like it has to be a blue cheese, which together makes the suitors a nicely balanced cheeseboard. I can't find any Essex-made blue cheeses, so I offer Mrs Temple's Binham Blue, from the flat windy coast of north Norfolk. Blue cheese isn't to everyone's taste, but it's tangy, creamy and rich.

Moving away from geographically appropriate cheeses, I think the important thing to remember for our next character is that Everyone Loves Lucy Westenra. So this has to be a popular cheese, beloved of adults and children alike. Also, she's stuffed full of garlic. Lucy is the supermarket staple, Boursin Garlic & Herbs.

Mina Harker seems delicate - Seward describes her as "dainty-looking" - but she's stronger than anyone expects. She's also a foil to Van Helsing, and these things in combination suggest to me that she, too, should be a goat's cheese. Vulscombe Devon Goat's Cheese, to be precise, which is subtle, smooth, creamy, and made by a retired mathematician. From what I know of retired mathematicians, I bet he loves trains too.

And finally Jonathan Harker. My beloved blorbo. Aged before his time, sweet and lovely but with an unexpected core of steel. And from the south west. He has to be one of my all-time favourite cheeses, Cornish Cruncher Extra Mature Cheddar.

considering how controversial Laurence probably continued to be even long after his death I have no doubt in my mind that when the Victorian era came around the Romantics went absolutely mad for him. could you imagine?? whenever one of them got locked up for debt there’d be another poem talking about how Laurence must have felt when unjustly imprisoned by his superiors. exile? Byron wants you to know, in several letters, that now he knows how his hero feels and what he must do, and swans off to greece to fight for liberty. this was a guy who’s life was so extra that they wouldn’t actually need to add anything to it. exile? yep. secret lovers? yep. dining with kings. almost being hanged. saving countries. amnesia. in japan. he did it all and they absolutely love it. every rebellious kid in the next century had a victorian equivalent of his poster in their room. mary shelley once made out with that embarrassing statue of him they have at the covert. percy tried to get a dragon. they have all visited his grave at some point and sent poetry to temeraire, who is delighted. byron wrote a poorly concealed but extremely homoerotic epic about what would happen if, say, an unnamed english captain with a dragon had saved the french and remained by the emperor’s side for a strangely intense relationship. outraged readers wrote nasty reviews about it in the paper. that’s why he had to go into exile.

okay just to clarify, the later romantic poets (aka disaster heathen exile crew) would actually all have been laurence’s contemporaries—napoleanic wars ran from 1800ish-1815, keats, p.b. shelley, and byron had all died by 1825 (queen victoria didn’t start reigning until 1837).

soooo it’d be less “wow heroic figure from the past” and more “quick let’s go stalk captain laurence to the party at lady so-and-so’s, and I heard temeraire is going to be there!!!” combined with long emotional letters sent weekly to laurence about his heroic freedom-loving deeds, and also, did he maybe want to read their newest book of poetry (which you know, no pressure, is definitely going to be dedicated to him)? Meanwhile laurence is like “who gave these kids my address, and also how is this my life” while temeraire is all for his new poet fans, especially as they keep writing odes about him and his (political) battles in parliament.

(more tragically it could also be laurence and temeraire adopting mary shelley into their dwindling circle once everyone else is dead)

obsessed with them throwing an irl funeral for javi

AITA for trying to eat my landlord's fancy takeout?

So my [523 F] sisters [498 F/492 F]and I are fully stay-at-home, and our landlord [530 M] brings us most of our groceries. Now things have been tight recently and so we only have grocery runs about once a month, and last night was one of these. Our house has a pretty clearly delineated men's half and women's half, so when we saw the food [21M] in our rooms we assumed it had been left there for us. But then our landlord burst in with our groceries and started screaming and shouting and getting really violent about the idea that we would touch his special treat after he'd forbidden it and just carrying on and told us to get out (this was our room, keep in mind). And I guess I had known that he had ordered fancy takeout, but it wasn't like it was labeled or anything, and it's not like there wasn't plenty to go around. His reaction just seemed really uncalled for. AITA?

You are the assholes and you know it.

Hi, Landlord here [590 M] who thinks the story could use a little extra context. Like the fact that all three of the abovementioned tenants were fully aware that the food was not just a special treat, but THE Special Treat.

Which they knew. Because I told them about it repeatedly. I told them explicitly not to even look at this Special Treat until I was done with him.

If that seems hyperbolic, understand that he was an imported good I’d been waiting on for just the right occasion. We’re talking Wagyu beef levels of quality. I am currently following a time-honored preparation method of seasoning his psyche with assorted traumas for maximum flavor at the time of consumption.

And, shocker for the audience, I was always planning to share the Special Treat with these three bottomless pits who, I’ll note, do get fresh groceries from me--I bring in goddamn veal every couple weeks!--including the inciting date above. How would you react if you came home from the market with an armful of dinner only to find the people you told. Explicitly. Not to Touch the Special Treat Yet (emphasis on YET). About to jump and drink him dry before you even got a taste after all your hard work of priming and preparation?

It should also be mentioned that I have been fasting for ages while making sure my tenants are fed. I have to make the grocery trips because, as you can probably guess, they have the self control of mosquitoes at a blood drive and would inhale the whole countryside if I didn’t play caterer. 

Needless to say, yes, I blew up at them. 

And also yes, they still got their goddamn groceries while I went hungry again, because I was/am not finished with menacing the Special Treat to peak flavorful misery. 

All I wanted was to enjoy the art of perfecting the Special Treat’s torment for the rest of the prep time, get first taste, and then share it with my tenants. Though part of me is feeling almost petty enough to just box the Special Treat up with me and head out on holiday out of spite at this point. 

"Wagyu Beef" ugh you're SO pretentious. "All my food has to come from England now, boo hoo it all has to be properly ~~seasoned~~" meanwhile just tossing us the barest scraps

Don't let this guy fool you playing "oh poor me" just because he's on another of his stupid fad diets. He is the biggest teaboo I swear. AND he tries to make us help him practice his sentences for his big vacation WHICH I may add we are NOT invited on!

Oh yeah, he told us not to look at the Special Treat. That part's true. It's so true that we haven't been allowed out of our part of the house for two weeks! Well guess what genius - we didn't know what the Special Treat looked like! Wow, another one of your brilliant plans perfectly effected.

"I was always going to share" oh really? Were you? Because it sounded to me like backtracking once we caught you. "Oh don't worry babe you can have my leftovers after I leave the country." HOW EXTREMELY GENEROUS OF YOU.

But you know what? You're right, you're right. ITA for assuming you would do something nice for us for a change.

ETA: you know he hasn't even changed the draperies in here, like, ever? Everything's moth eaten and we don't even have curtains. But when he's got visitors suddenly it's the best of everything. He's been feeding that guy every day and we don't even get a nibble? And it's like this for everything. I hope he gets hit by one of those fancy English trains he's obsessed with

First, excuse the hell out of me for hitting on a hobby other than ‘ooh hoo hoo, I do nothing but eat and complain through the centuries!’ 

Second, you’re not idiots. Do you really expect me to believe that you couldn’t connect the dots between ‘Hey, stay away from the Special Treat’ and ‘Oh hey, look at this Special Treat-looking morsel! That was very clearly not hand-delivered to us like all our other groceries! Guess it’s completely unrelated and we shouldn’t wait to find out more before pouncing on it!’?

Third, WE HAVE BEEN SHARING THIS BUILDING FOR HALF A MILLENNIUM. I HAVE BEEN TAKING CARE OF THE PARTS USED BY MYSELF AND/OR MY GUESTS/FUTURE MEALS THE ENTIRE TIME. ME. BY MYSELF. ONE GUY. Oh no, your rooms are looking dowdy and moth-eaten? Oh dear. Whyever could that be? It’s almost like the people who use them, exclusively, haven’t been doing shit to join in on the upkeep. You would think four (4) supernaturally endowed people un-living in the same castle could keep the whole thing looking nice through basic effort. You’d think! But no, apparently! It’s all down to one guy because the rest can’t be bothered!

Fourth, oh, I haven’t done anything nice for you for a change? Nothing?? Let me get out my little glass harmonica so I can play a sad song as grating as you sound. What part of You Get to Share the Special Treat (who could have been all just for me whether you saw him or not!) did you not hear? All I want--after starving myself, after preparing him to be something Special for Us--is the courtesy of getting the first draught from the finished product. That’s it. That is literally it. 

You three are the type of people who’d complain about a winemaker getting the first glass from his barrel. ffs

Fifth, and I can’t believe this needs repeating: You are complaining about ‘getting scraps’ (read: fresh local goods, like clockwork) when I have had. Literally. Nothing. For so long I can’t even say if it’s been months or years. Maybe act your age and grow some patience when it comes to appreciating (someone else’s) cuisine for once. 

But hey, it’ll all be moot in a month, won’t it? The whole greedy gaggle of you will get him once I’m done--IF I’m feeling forgiving, which is very much up in the air now--and I’ll be heading out to England, and then you’ll be free to let the rest of the castle fall to shambles and glut yourself on the neighbors to your hearts’ content. 

Try not to pick the Carpathians dry. 

...

Hi. Um. Special Treat [21 M] speaking. 

Can someone please send the authorities and a locksmith to Castle Dra

CONNECTION LOST

Ok I love this???

"baptise me in hot dog water"

Hot dog water - there's a Tumblr post out there I've seen saying hot dog water is the opposite of holy water, due to the fact that a single drop of it will contaminate what it touches. I assume this was partly inspired by this allusion but who knows for sure.

Also the the idea of holy water as inhuman and cleaning vs hot dog water as the remains of feeding someone - often a child - and entirely human. It may be dirty and I do not want it on me but God hot dog water has some memories. You will not wash away my sins. They're mine. Also, anyone can make hot dog water but holy water is refined, restricted (yes anyone can make it in an emergency but lay people are restricted from it)

"you and I both know"

Unlike baptism for babies, this one is done between two people who are both aware of what is happening. The one receiving the baptism gives the orders about what they want to happen. The giver and receiver are portrayed as equals. They are equally aware of their humanity.

"the holy stuff won't take"

Ooof heartbreaking, amazing line. Raises so many questions. What does it mean when the water "takes"? What has the receiver done that makes them unfit for holy water? Or, what has the holy water done that makes it to weak to help, to be a part of your life?

The poem as a whole - I love the lack of capitalization. It adds a sort of intimacy to the poem, and the statement from the speaker. The high words "baptise" and "holy" being offset by "take" and "hot dog". Also "hot dog water" vs "holy stuff." The cadence! I would lick it.

I love the serious analysis, and I think I find it persuasive.

This also sheds a lot of light on some plot points in Scooby Doo! Mystery Incorporated.

Not to turn this into another house full of chintz, but I'mma fuck this poem on the floor.

Meter

There are two readings of the poem's meter that I immediately identify, the first is how I'd want to read it, and the second is how a normal person would probably read it, but both make the same point.

In my interpretation (left), the first line is four wholely irregular feet: an iamb into a dibrach into two trochees; The second line is two trouches into a hanging stressed syllable; And the third line is three iambs.

In the more normal interpretation(right), the first line and second line are six trochees all together plus that hanging syllable in 'knowing' which transitions the poem to iambic trimeter.

And look at the interesting result of that laid bare:

In English poetry there's a tradition, all other things being equal, that iambs are considered the sophisticated foot with trochees often being contrasted as the vulgar or common foot.

The vulgar in specificity "hot dog water" is put in trochee, while the respectably vague "the holy stuff" is afforded iambs. Without the poet having thought of the stress things the pattern actively, this incapulation of the English poetic tradition is astounding. Especially when you consider the

Chiasmus

Chiasmus is a figure of rhetorical construction, in which two pairs of ideas are laid across each other, A B B A. It's one of the more popular figures of rhetoric and if you're looking for it you'll see it everywhere.

In the most literal sense, it's about repetition; but, you can apply it more liberally to ideas, thoughts, or in this case, parts of speech:

The nouns and verb pairs in the first and third lines crossover each other. They are in chiasmus. Structurally, the inversion makes the poem feel more solid, while still furthering emphasizing the contrast between the idea of hot dog water and the holy stuff.

Opening with a command and closing with a result.

They should make a Van Helsing Barbie since she can be a professor, a meta physician, a philosopher, AND a lawyer

This is probably not what you meant, op, but the concept was hilarious to me.

Help me think of more

Thanks for your help, folks! Season 5 looks great!

i've read tb8 twice and i still have no idea what this outfit is supposed to look like

@ellington-f3int CORRECT

i posted this on fb and got into a little discussion with somebody 💅💅💅☠️

share the discussion op

“There won’t be a puddle you can sail in between here and Nova Scotia except the River Styx.”

That is way too metal of a line to of come from a joke argument on Facebook about the difference between privateers and pirates.