Listen, I love Stitch as much as the next gal. Seriously, the only Disney merchandise I give two shits about is the one with Stitch on it.

But both as someone who's practically an elder of the Trolls fandom and who knows what she's talking about, I can objectively say Poppy would crush the competition in a dance battle.

Don't y'all know nothing about the franchise? The trolls literally live to sing and dance (and hug, though that's mostly the Pop Trolls). In fact, musical talent is so ingrained in them, other species can try to literally siphon it out of them to become better performers themselves (hello, Velvet and Veneer from Trolls Band Together. How are you doing?).

So, sorry, Stitch, baby. You know I love you, but this time I'm with the hyperactive, overly optimistic ball of pink sunshine.

Something Like You

Summary:

There were many things Branch expected from being forced to go on a date with the winner of Brozone's latest contest: boredom, forced smiles, awkwardness, the looming possibility that he might meet his end tonight at the hands of an obsessive fan...

Never in a million years would he have expected falling in love with her, however. Or the many other surprises that meeting would entail.

Word count: 8959 words

Pairings: Broppy, BrandyxBruce

Read on AO3

"I have been by your side sfrom the moment we met. And you've been by mine! Let's give each other some credit here."

Yes, this line. Beautiful. Wonderful. Spectacular. Showstopping. Yet another reason why Broppy is top tier content.

Just one question, though.

HOW DID THESE TWO MEET, DREAMWORKS???????

Seriously, the movie (understandably) dedicates five full minutes to a flashback of when Brozone disbanded. And then spends some more time using shadow puppets to illustrate how Viva got separated from her family. But not a single second could be spared to show how Poppy and Branch met?

I don't know, maybe their meeting having its own small flashback could have helped showcase how, despite the turmoil his brothers leaving and Grandma Rosiepuff dying caused him, Branch still found his own family when he met Poppy and befriended the Snack Pack. Or if a flashback was too much, maybe a few lines of dialogue where his brothers ask about them and they explain it.

Just, how did it happen?!?! Have they known each other since they were children, or are fanfic writers right when they write about Branch disappearing for a really long time while he builds his bunker until one day he's close enough to the village for Poppy to notice and approach him?

Please, Dreamworks. I'm literally begging you. Give me their origins.

Okay, but if they make a holiday special based off Trolls Band Together and they don't have Bruce's children excitedly running up to Poppy and screaming "AUNT POPPY!", we riot. Same with them calling Branch "Uncle Branch".

Okay, but I refuse to believe Brozone didn't sing Trolls-Christmas-equivalent-themed albums composed mainly of parodies of popular Christmas songs. After seeing Britney Sparkles' Hug Me Baby One More Time and The Spice Trolls' Wanna Tree on their website, I know in my heart there's a Brozone rendition of Last Trollsmas out there.

There you go, Dreamworks. I just wrote down your third holiday installment, you're welcome.

The most unrealistic thing about Trolls Band Together is how little Branch's brothers teased him about getting a girlfriend. I'm sorry, but after seeing how they all reacted to him after 20 years, treating him like a baby despite looking older than some of them (those stress marks, man), there is no way they wouldn't have mercilessly poked fun at him for it, or told more embarrassing things to Poppy about him besides showing her his old baby pictures.

I mean, Bruce is literally a father, there's no way he wouldn't have jokingly said they needed to give Branch The Talk.