Chef’s kiss

> The college I attended was small and very LGBT friendly. One day someone came to visit and used the word “gay” as a pejorative, as was common in the early 2000s. A current student looked at the visitor and flatly said, “we don’t do that here.” The guest started getting defensive and explaining that they weren’t homophobic and didn’t mean anything by it. The student replied, “I’m sure that’s true, but all you need to know is we don’t do that here.” The interaction ended at that point, and everyone moved on to different topics. “We don’t do that here” was a polite but firm way to educate the newcomer about our culture. […]

> It turns out talking about diversity, inclusion, and even just basic civil behavior can be controversial in technical spaces. I don’t think it should be, but I don’t get to make the rules. When I’m able I’d much rather spend the time to educate someone about diversity and inclusion issues and see if I can change how they see the world a bit. But I don’t always have the time and energy to do that. And sometimes, even if I did have the time, the person involved doesn’t want to be educated.

> This is when I pull out “we don’t do that here.” It is a conversation ender. If you are the newcomer and someone who has been around a long time says “we don’t do that here”, it is hard to argue. This sentence doesn’t push my morality on anyone. If they want to do whatever it is elsewhere, I’m not telling them not to. I’m just cluing them into the local culture and values. If I deliver this sentence well it carries no more emotional weight than saying, “in Japan, people drive on the left.” “We don’t do that here” should be a statement of fact and nothing more. It clearly and concisely sets a boundary, and also makes it easy to disengage with any possible rebuttals.

> Me: “You are standing in that person’s personal space. We don’t do that here.” > Them: “But I was trying to be nice.” > Me: “Awesome, but we don’t stand so close to people here.”

> Them: Tells an off-color joke. > Me: “We don’t do that here.” > Them: “But I was trying to be funny.” > Me (shrugging): “That isn’t relevant. We don’t do that here.”

I really really do want to endorse this. Making a person’s behavior about capital-M Morality is a great way to get people to dig in their feet and escalate situations. By going “Hey, that behavior doesn’t fit in this context.” it removes a ton of the resentment and toxicity on both sides of the interaction.

loling at this question specifically:

Jesus christ, I’m not even tall.

oh by the way happy house day everyone

Had a really good talk w/a friend about how bizarre modern dating culture is, like not even hookup culture because that seems kinda dead but the way a lot of people perceive of actually being in a relationship now seems to be like. Asking to be official too soon without really being slow and intentional and being halfway there because they’re looking for a long-term partner and using therapy speak and the right basic ideas about wanting to build a life with someone but not actually understanding what that entails. It’s kind of like pop psychology buzzwords that sounds good on the surface but people still aren’t willing to do the tough inner work themselves that is required to truly know, respect, and understand someone else fully without playing into codependency and fulfilling their own unmet needs. I really think the root of all of this is the commodification of relationships and love and a misunderstanding influenced by media of what it means to be mentally “well” + cultural obsession w/being perceived as “wholesome” and “good” when you actually have to be ruthless and very focused on whether or not you’re even fit to date to begin with.

“she should be at the club” “but not everybody can handle loud music / likes going out / enjoys drinking / wants to—“ YOURE MISSING THE POINT. “she should be at the club” is not about the literal club!! it’s about the whimsy of youth!! it’s about the things you can get away with, body and mind!! it’s about having fun and ignoring the horrors for as long as you can!! it’s about the fact that you do not deserve to feel this pain and have these responsibilities, you do not deserve to be locked in your room with your sadness, you deserve to enjoy the music and the pretty lights and the ass shaking of life!!! it’s about how i wish joy for you, even if you do not wish it for yourself!!! you should be at the club!!!!

hey man i'm going on vacation for 86 yoctoseconds can you watch my pet hydrogen-5 isotope while i'm gone

*does this to you*

Frankly beautiful way of phrasing it

YALL THE ONION BOUGHT INFO WARS IN THE BANKRUPTCY AUCTION

THIS IS THE FUNNIEST POSSIBLE OUTCOME ARE YOU KIDDING ME

thread count is a lie perpetrated by Big Bedsheets. what really matters is the material.

i said this as a joke but then i googled this and

turns out i was right?????? high thread count IS a lie?????

Hana-Rawhiti Kareariki Maipi-Clarke, the youngest MP in Aotearoa, starts a haka to protest the first vote on a bill reinterpreting the 1840 Treaty of Waitangi

Goes insanely hard

To provide further context from what I understand the bill wanted to take the rights guaranteed to the Maori in said treaty and expand them to all New Zealand citizens. The issue with that is that it sort of defeats the point of the protections of the treaty.

tumblr please stop telling me to wd40 a mouse

Important addition