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#vent – @gardeninthevoid on Tumblr
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garden in the void

@gardeninthevoid / gardeninthevoid.tumblr.com

🌿 Kris 🌷 24, he/she/fae*, russian 🌷 good omens and other things i like/care about 🌷 occasionally nsfw, be careful 🌷 deeply queer - gray ace and demi, bi and omnigay, genderqueer and bigender, and others 🌷 gray ace positivity blog: @gray-ace-space 🌷 bpd + adhd 🌷 current hyperfixation: good omens (as if you couldn't tell) 🌷 eternal hyperfixations: mlp:fim, lgbtq+ stuff 🌷 i just like a lot of stuff in general 🌷 teacher 🌷 learning spanish (b1) 🌷 enneagram 4w5 and it shows 🌷 *do not use she for me if ur cis and do not use it exclusively but if u alternate i will love u forever 🌿
Posts
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i feel like we don't talk enough about how emotionally exhausting it is to be not cis while speaking a heavily gendered language. i cannot be out for reasons of basic safety. but i also cannot make my pronouns other people's problem. i have to misgender myself at work. i have to misgender myself at home with family members. it is fucking soul-crushing. it crushed me so much i came out to my new psychiatrist even though earlier i specifically decided i wouldn't. i just. Could Not anymore. i have to pretend i'm not who i am. constantly. it's pressing down on me and i can't do shit about it. i fucking hate it here.

#my post#vent#lgbtq#genderqueer#russian#russian lgbtq#tw vent#tw transphobia#tw misgendering#not go
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“omg why would u report a blog for self harm that’s not helping us“ i think you misunderstand. i don’t care about helping you. i’m trying to protect other people from you. you can do whatever you want, up to and including killing yourself; i can’t stop you, nor do i give a shit. but you don’t get to drag us down with you. go fuck yourself.

#if you're a worrier like me i'm gonna clarify#i don't mean people who are struggling w self harm / eds / suicidal thoughts and discuss it on their blogs#you guys go we need to do that#i'm talking about straight up graphic images#i'm talking about seriously advocating for self destruction#normalizing it#glorifying it#if you do that#know that i hate you#vent#tw self harm#tw suicide mention#cw negativity
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me: i want a girlfriend >:(

also me: NO. you're not allowed a girlfriend because you're not emotionally stable enough and are barely handling the things that are already in your life and dragging another person into this train wreck is BAD

me: *sigh*. ok. *tries very hard to banish the thoughts of having a girlfriend*

me in 10 minutes: hey! i want a girlfriend!

#my post#vent
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i want to experience something big and destructive and i don't know what or how or if i should so i don't but because of that everything feels underwhelming, not really like there's an empty space, but more like i'm looking at a painting that's super faint, all smudged, maybe it's going for something but there's nothing really to emotionally attach myself to. it's like a neverending slow and tame buildup to the loud, intense part of a song. i don't want to feel bad, i want to feel good, but if i can't i at least want to feel strongly. but that's also not happening is it. i will just float.

#my post#mental health#personal#vent
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reblogged
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gardeninthevoid

if you scrolled through my blog and thought i was even a little bit of a healthy functional human, you are a fool and clown. i just hyperventilated and cried over laundry

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gardeninthevoid

i don't... fucking... i have two big tests at school tomorrow and i had the whole day today and almost all of yesterday to prepare but i didn't even start. i slept for 13 hours and upon getting up i just relocated to a chair, wrapped myself in a blanket again, and proceeded to binge lefttube while eating every snack i could find, for hours, because i know i should do things, and perhaps i even CAN do them, i would be able to if i forced myself, but i just feel like my brain and body are not working, they're just fucking mush, and it's been that way for weeks with barely any glimpses of real consciousness and productivity. and i'm just. so fucking tired of existing. the world won't wait for me and i'm not worth much of anything so why should it.

#my post#vent#depression
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