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garden in the void

@gardeninthevoid / gardeninthevoid.tumblr.com

🌿 Kris 🌷 24, he/she/fae*, russian 🌷 good omens and other things i like/care about 🌷 occasionally nsfw, be careful 🌷 deeply queer - gray ace and demi, bi and omnigay, genderqueer and bigender, and others 🌷 gray ace positivity blog: @gray-ace-space 🌷 bpd + adhd 🌷 current hyperfixation: good omens (as if you couldn't tell) 🌷 eternal hyperfixations: mlp:fim, lgbtq+ stuff 🌷 i just like a lot of stuff in general 🌷 teacher 🌷 learning spanish (b1) 🌷 enneagram 4w5 and it shows 🌷 *do not use she for me if ur cis and do not use it exclusively but if u alternate i will love u forever 🌿
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I know SEVERAL afab nonbinary people who, as soon as they came out as nonbinary - immediately began dressing in ridiculous hyper-femme outfits they never would have worn before.  A lot of people see this and say shit like “Theyfab” or say they are only nonbinary for attention.  After all, look how femme they are.

But to me, this makes perfect sense.  When you are forced into the category of “woman” against your will, femininity is a chore.  It’s a job that you have.  As soon as you say no, I’m not a woman, suddenly femininity isn’t your job anymore.  It’s not a requirement.  It’s just a fun hobby you can get into.  Or a little treat sometimes.

yes!! i had this with asexuality too! where like, after i came out as gray ace, i got much more comfortable with being outwardly horny

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I do wish that “oppositional sexism” was a more commonly known term. It was coined as part of transmisogyny theory, and is defined as the belief that men and women, are distinct, non-overlapping categories that do not share any traits. If gender was a venn diagram, people who believe in oppositional sexism think that “men” and “women” are separate circles that never touch.

The reason I think that it’s a useful term is that it helps a lot with articulating exactly why a lot of transphobic people will call a cis man a girl for wearing nail polish, then turn around and call a trans woman a man. Both of those are enforcement of man and woman as non-overlapping social categories. It’s also a huge part of homophobia, with many homophobes considering gay people to no longer really belong to their gender because they aren’t performing it to their satisfaction.

It’s a large part of the reason behind arguments that men and women can’t understand each other or be friends, and/or that either men or women are monoliths. If men and women have nothing in common at all, it would be difficult for them to understand each other, and if all men are alike or all women are alike, then it makes sense to treat them all the same. Enforcing this rift is particularly miserable for women and men in close relationships with each other, but is often continued on the basis that “If I’m not a real man/woman, they won’t love me anymore.”

One common “progressive” form of oppositional sexism is an idea often put as the “divine feminine”, that women are special in a way that men will never understand. It’s meant to uplift women, but does so in ways that reinforce the idea that men and women are fundamentally different in ways that can never be reconciled or transcended. There’s a reason this rhetoric is hugely popular among both tradwifes and radical feminists. It argues that there is something about women that men will never have or know, which is appealing when you are trying to define womanhood in a way that means no man is or ever has been a part of it.

You’ll notice that nonbinary people are sharply excluded from the definition. This doesn’t mean it doesn’t apply to them, it means that oppositional sexism doesn’t believe nonbinary people of any kind exist. It’s especially rough on multigender people who are both men and women, because the whole idea of it is that men and women are two circles that don’t overlap. The idea of them overlapping in one person is fundamentally rejected.

I think it’s a very useful term for talking about a lot of the problems that a lot of queer people face when it comes to trying to carve out a place for ourselves in a society that views any deviation from rigid, binary categories as a failure to perform them correctly.

If I can add, oppositional sexism is a cornerstone of evangelicalism and honestly a whole bunch of other forms of Christianity. The idea women and men exist for different tasks is deeply religious but specifically in the US and I assume for the majority of tradwives evangelical/conservative christian dogma. So even when ppl who proport to be somewhere feminist start up divine feminine shit they’re regurgitating the same talking points the religious right started doing.

Yep. I believe they refer to it as “Complimentarianism”.

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vaspider

The way every muscle in my body clenched at the term “complimentarianism.” Fuck. That was like watching some horrible mythical creature surface from the deep, except it was a memory.

Every time this post cycles past, it fucking happens all over again. Guh.

I think it’s kind of fascinating how the “divine feminine” idea sort of … builds off of and is just sort of a rephrasing of the idea that like… “womanhood, especially white womanhood, is defined by a state of endless, purifying suffering. That constant adversity, from the pain of childbirth which creates the holy state of motherhood to the low-key, everyday suffering of being yoked as a lifemate to a bumbling oversized child who can’t be trusted to boil water or mind his own children and can’t be asked to remember birthdays or anything to do with the household, is the primary defining characteristic of womanhood.”

(It’s pretty fucked up, isn’t it, when you put it that bluntly?)

The idea of the divine feminine attempts to subvert that narrative but largely ends up simply reinforcing it. “Oh, you suffer, but it’s, uh, just the price of your, uh, Special Moon Power. Yeah, that’s the ticket.”

And since, in this system, what makes you good and holy is that sort of endless systematic martyrdom of self to family and matrimony, this bullshit compounds itself whenever someone who has bought into this has to deal with the idea that other groups of people are also ground to paste by the same social mechanisms. If it isn’t a Special Martyrdom and it can also affect [insert other marginalized group here], then… their whole identity is threatened. People react accordingly, and another opportunity for solidarity is destroyed.

To be clear - this is not a cis-people-only problem. Plenty of trans people buy into this shit, because it’s one of those gender messages that gets beaten into our heads from the time we’re little. Men are like this, women are like that, men drink beer, women are made Sacred by their martyrdom. Peeling our fingers off of the gender myths we cling to so tightly is honestly the hardest work of real transition, but it’s the only work that will keep us as a community from simply badly xeroxing cisgender roles and wheatpasting degraded copies of their bullshit all over our relationships with each other.

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We reclaiming tonight bois

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vaikeuksia

OP (mangolence) actually redid this himself! Here's his comic and his description:

"I’ve been wanting to make this post for quite some time. Working through internalized transphobia is hard, but it’s worth it. In my country, being transsexual is classified as a mental illness. If you are trans, you are treated as sick by the court system and by the healthcare system. The idea that transmedicalism helps trans people is false, and unconventional trans and nonbinary people aren’t why transphobia exists, ignorance and bigotry is why transphobia exists.

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If you want to learn more about this topic, I highly recommend Brennen Beckwith’s three part video series, starring with “Breaking My Silence On Kalvin Garrah | Part 1” , and Contrapoints video "transtrenders". Big thank you to @krougrin for encouraging me to make this post!

-

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#transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #transmasculine #nonbinary #transmed #transmedicalist"

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palenoface
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reblogged

I do wish that "oppositional sexism" was a more commonly known term. It was coined as part of transmisogyny theory, and is defined as the belief that men and women, are distinct, non-overlapping categories that do not share any traits. If gender was a venn diagram, people who believe in oppositional sexism think that "men" and "women" are separate circles that never touch.

The reason I think that it's a useful term is that it helps a lot with articulating exactly why a lot of transphobic people will call a cis man a girl for wearing nail polish, then turn around and call a trans woman a man. Both of those are enforcement of man and woman as non-overlapping social categories. It's also a huge part of homophobia, with many homophobes considering gay people to no longer really belong to their gender because they aren't performing it to their satisfaction.

It's a large part of the reason behind arguments that men and women can't understand each other or be friends, and/or that either men or women are monoliths. If men and women have nothing in common at all, it would be difficult for them to understand each other, and if all men are alike or all women are alike, then it makes sense to treat them all the same. Enforcing this rift is particularly miserable for women and men in close relationships with each other, but is often continued on the basis that "If I'm not a real man/woman, they won't love me anymore."

One common "progressive" form of oppositional sexism is an idea often put as the "divine feminine", that women are special in a way that men will never understand. It's meant to uplift women, but does so in ways that reinforce the idea that men and women are fundamentally different in ways that can never be reconciled or transcended. There's a reason this rhetoric is hugely popular among both tradwifes and radical feminists. It argues that there is something about women that men will never have or know, which is appealing when you are trying to define womanhood in a way that means no man is or ever has been a part of it.

You'll notice that nonbinary people are sharply excluded from the definition. This doesn't mean it doesn't apply to them, it means that oppositional sexism doesn't believe nonbinary people of any kind exist. It's especially rough on multigender people who are both men and women, because the whole idea of it is that men and women are two circles that don't overlap. The idea of them overlapping in one person is fundamentally rejected.

I think it's a very useful term for talking about a lot of the problems that a lot of queer people face when it comes to trying to carve out a place for ourselves in a society that views any deviation from rigid, binary categories as a failure to perform them correctly.

If I can add, oppositional sexism is a cornerstone of evangelicalism and honestly a whole bunch of other forms of Christianity. The idea women and men exist for different tasks is deeply religious but specifically in the US and I assume for the majority of tradwives evangelical/conservative christian dogma. So even when ppl who proport to be somewhere feminist start up divine feminine shit they're regurgitating the same talking points the religious right started doing.

Yep. I believe they refer to it as "Complimentarianism".

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reblogged

non-it/its users need to get their shit together fr

ok time to elaborate.

earlier today i was talking to someone and i mentioned one of my friends, and said 'yeah it was saying-' and before i could finish my sentence she interrupted me and went "it?" as if i'd misspoken. when i said "yeah, it said-" she looked at me as if i'd like insulted her or something and went "why are you calling your friends its? don't you mean they?"

i pretty much just went "nevermind" because that's not worth it (and no i'm not misgendering a friend for someone else's "comfort" like wtf) but the issue is

this. happens. every. time.

you tell someone else you use it/its? they look at you like you're fucking insane. 99% of the time they will refuse to use your pronouns because it's "offensive" to them (yknow what else is offensive? purposely misgendering me when i literally just told you my pronouns). when you talk about a friend who uses it/its pronouns, 99% of the time the other person will try to like. correct you or stop you even though they don't even know who you're talking about.

"well they/them is gender neutral too so just use th-" no. my pronouns are it/its. they/them is not it/its. they/them is misgendering.

"but it's gender neutra-" okay and? if dude said he uses he/him and you used they/them that's misgendering. why is it okay when it's it pronouns?

"but it's offensive to refer to people as-" bitch i am literally referring to myself as it/its. i am telling you directly in plain words that these are the pronouns that make me comfortable. i don't give a fuck what you think of them they are my pronouns

at this point i settle with they/them because i'm just done having people look at me like i said a slur when i tell them what pronouns i'm comfortable with.

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cardentist

remember when good omens (2019) came out and neil gaiman made it clear in no uncertain terms that angels and demons were inherently nonbinary, that angels and demons (and crowley in particular) can and Do have a variety of presentations that they choose for themselves, and that the story is a Love Story between two nonbinary entities fighting for their right to love each other openly in the face of religiously charged black and white thinking that’d forced them to hide and deny their love for each other at the threat of punishment.

and then instead of celebrating the openly queer, openly trans, openly fluid and neutral and non-conforming relationships and people presented by the series people were just Legitimately like “Wow, can’t believe neil won’t say that aziraphale and crowley are gay (read: Cis) men, looks like queerbaiting is alive and well 🙄“ and nobody stopped them

people have switched their understanding of queerbaiting from “intentionally implying representation that they have no intention of following through on to attract gay people’s Money but not isolate their straight audience” to “queer representation, but not the kind that I want”

I appreciate all of the people insisting that they Tried to stop them by explaining the importance of nb representation and how explicit both neil and the show/book are about their relationship (thank you for your service), but personally I meant with this gun I just found

I’ve seen a few people asking about the representation in the show itself as well as what neil’s said about it, so here’s a semi-cohesive discussion on it!

first, lets start with the claim that angels and demons are inherently nonbinary. This is something that’s been especially highlighted with the adaptation, but has been present since the original novel!

the novel was published in 1990, so the term used then is “sexless,” but it’s stated plainly that angels (and by extension demons) aren’t men or women. The implication here is that they Physically don’t present one way or the other by default, but that they can Choose to if they want to. I think it’s also worth noting that with the addition of Physicality (they’re nonbinary in the identity sense, but they also aren’t gendered at all by default) that angels and demons Also fall along the lines of intersex (which is something that I don’t see brought up often). they can Choose how their physical parts manifest, and there’s absolutely nothing that says that that choice has to be limited to cis or perisex ideas of what bodies “should” look like.

and of course, we have Many Many instances of neil confirming that this was the intention.

and we can see this followed through on in both the casting and presentation for the angelic and demonic characters! according to neil, the casting itself completely dropped the barrier of gender, with people of any identity and presentation auditioning for the exact same roles. [Link]

as a result of that we have casting like the archangel michael, a character with a traditionally masculine name and traditionally masculine presentation played by the actress doon mackichan.

we have beelzebub, the prince of hell who’s pointedly never referred to with pronouns at all throughout the course of the show (though neil has suggested the possibility of zem using zir pronouns [Link], which would be the first time I’ve seen neopronouns in Any piece of mainstream media, which I really hope makes it into season two) who’s portrayed by anna maxwell martin.

We have pollution (not an angel or a demon but certainly related) using exclusively they/them pronouns while baring the title of king, who’s portrayed by lourdes faberes.

all of this is to say ! angels and demons are canonically nonbinary, canonically not constrained to gender or physical sex at all, and this is present in both the novel and the show and was carefully considered in both the casting and presentation of these characters. this Alone is overt and intentional queer representation. but naturally, this isn’t the main course when people talk about queer representation in good omens, so lets turn our attention towards our leads!

crowley is an obvious first start, fans of the show are likely to jump straight to nanny ashtoreth and for good reason, but I’d like to wait for a moment.

crowley, a being defined both by change and by pushing boundaries, actually shakes up his presentation quite often! though it’s more commonly in ways that aren’t as obvious to the audience, either because it’s more subtle, or because the style is so old it’s not recognizable.

for the latter, crowley was presenting femininely during the crucifixion scene ! wearing a style of robe and headdress that women wore at the time (which was confirmed as intentional by neil gaiman on twitter [Link]).

and then of course, what many people don’t realize is that crowley’s more modern looks are filled with subtle feminine touches ! This post goes into it all in more detail: [Link]

but for instance ! his iconic shades are women’s valentino glasses [Link], his pants are Mostly women’s jeans, his accessories are Very Often women’s, and his waistcoat and jacket are a women’s cut (low to accommodate breasts). Every article of clothing crowley is wearing in the picture below was designed for women, even the scarf.

he’s generally read masculinely in modern times, but the truth is that it’s a Mix of masculine And feminine.

which is where I’d like to acknowledge nanny ashtoreth. this is the point where crowley’s feminine presentation is the most overt (neither subtle Nor lost to a modern audience), but it’s also unfortunately not always taken in good faith. quite a few people have expressed concern that it’s an example of the transphobic man in a dress trope, which is a common kneejerk reaction to plot beats like this in media.

here’s the Truly important aspects of nanny ashtoreth:

1: while it’s true that crowley presents femininely while he’s posing as nanny, this is far from the Only time that he presents this way (as we’ve covered!). he wasn’t trying to “pretend” to be a woman for ill gain, he simply had to take on the role as warlock’s caretaker and chose to spend that time presenting femininely, as he’s done before and after. there was nothing about the situation that Necessitated that crowley present that way, he chose to because he Wanted to, simple as that.

2: nanny ashtoreth isn’t supposed to be funny. at least, no more than the situational comedy of a demon and an angel trying to raise the antichrist together in the hopes that their influences would cancel each other out creates. nanny is filmed neutrally, the show doesn’t call attention to or question her presentation at any point. and in fact, the script book describes crowley’s reveal as nanny as “sexy and domineering.”

which itself is Toned Down from the description the book uses for her.

good omens doesn’t want us to think that nanny ashtoreth is funny or strange or off putting, good omens wants us to think that nanny ashtoreth can get it. just like Canonically.

and notice how the book And the script book uses she/her pronouns for nanny, even when it’s in narration or description as opposed to dialogue. when crowley’s presentation changes her pronouns do too.

it’s also worth noting that neil himself has acknowledged the “man in a dress” reading of crowley as nanny and expressed Sadness at it coming across that way to anyone. this was also in the context of him agreeing with a post all about the nonbinary presentation of the characters in good omens. [Link]

which is to say ! crowley has a history of playing with gender presentation, presenting femininely and masculinely and everything in between, since the very Creation of presentation itself to modern day. he is an Overtly fluid nonbinary character, which is particularly important because that also sets him apart from other demons and angels. crowley is defined by the fact that he Does understand and Love humanity in a way that other demons simply don’t. while demons are simply Devoid of gender, crowley is intimately familiar with humans and their presentation and chooses to be All of it. he pushes boundaries for presentation by choice rather than incidentally.

and then we have aziraphale! zira is, of course, nonbinary by the very nature of him being an angel, but of course his presentation doesn’t play with gender as overtly as someone like crowley does (or even archangel michael), but I do think it’s still There.

while crowley is defined by Change, aziraphale is defined by Comfort, Routine, and Indulgence. crowley is othered from the other demons with his overt presentation, while aziraphale is othered from other angels by the things that he Likes and the ways that he Acts.

where crowley is more likely to embrace the outright feminine, aziraphale is Effeminate. he’s Soft, he’s clean, he likes his clothes Posh (even when dressing like an aristocrat got him in trouble in revolutionary france), he likes good food and dancing old slang and his library (and he of course loves his crowley). and the story doesn’t fault him for these things, it wants him to Drop the shame that heaven makes him feel for them. Drop the shame that he’s not the perfect solder represented in gabriel, uriel, or michael (drop the shame of a guardian of the eastern gate who gave his sword away to humanity because he loved them).

and on the face of it, none of these traits Have to be related to queerness in and of themselves. but good omens directly makes that connection. lets go back to that book quote from earlier, now with slightly more context.

aziraphale is interpreted as a gay man by the people around him, and he has been for a Very Long Time. and this fact is, quite literally, one of the many things that aziraphale Happily claims for himself. that he learns to wear with Pride when he lets go of the notion of having to be what an angel is “supposed” to be.

this line in particular doesn’t make it into the show, but this makes it way through in shadwell (the bigoted old man set in his ways) who reacts to aziraphale the ways you think a character like him might. when shadwell calls aziraphale a “southern pansy” aziraphale knows exactly what that means. he was alive when that slang was popular, he was alive and Knew shadwell when shadwell learned that slang in the first place.

which is why its significant, then, when aziraphale finally drops all pretenses of needing to abide by heaven’s rules, when he possesses a body so he can find crowley and stop the war that heaven wants (a feminine body, which is significant as this is the first time that aziraphale has been allowed to present overtly Femininely. which I highlight because neil himself always includes it with the instances of crowley presenting that way, making it intentional), and shadwell uses that term for him again and we get this

aziraphale affirms himself, affirms his life on earth, affirms his individuality, affirms his desire to leave heaven behind to choose earth and humanity and Crowley, by declaring that he’s The southern pansy, that he’s Queer.

and of course, this is far from the only instances of aziraphale being overtly queer, but I wanted to highlight how it’s framed by the narrative. that it’s not just there but Celebrated. that the fact that he is the way that he is, that he’s able to Embrace it and Love himself as he is, is exactly what saves humanity. that We’re supposed to love him as he is too.

but while we’re here, lets talk about the subtler details for aziraphale’s queerness.

- Soho, the area his bookshop is located, has been a historically queer area for quite literally hundreds of years, populated with gay bars and clubs, and is still a hub for queer culture in london in the present day. [Link 1, Link 2, Link 3]

- aziraphale learning how to dance isn’t just queer for the fact that it’s something that no other angels do. aziraphale learned the gavotte in a “gentlemen’s club” in the 1800s. the gavotte is a kissing dance wherein you kiss your partner, eventually working your way through the room. kissing a room full of men in a gentlemen’s club recreationally is already pretty Queer, but we have further confirmation outside of the series itself ! neil confirmed on twitter that the club aziraphale learned in was “the hundred guineas club,” which was not only a real gay club in london at the time but was one of the Most Prestigious, Expensive, and Exclusive of its time (”The” southern pansy indeed). [Link 1, Link 2, Link 3]

- aziraphale’s Impressive collection of oscar wilde books. which of course ties him to queer culture on its own, but it can also be noted that it’s rumored that oscar wilde gave his first editions to his lovers. which michael sheen (aziraphale actor) has readily played into on twitter [Link] commenting on fanart of aziraphale looking smitten surrounded by flowers Like This

- the script book gives us more context on what aziraphale (and crowley) were doing in rome thanks to a few lines that were apparently cut for time.

aziraphale was in rome in the first place to influence Nero, who (after aziraphale’s apparent Influence) would become the first emperor to marry another man (three times in fact).

now, you may be asking yourself, if aziraphale is so strongly coded like a gay man, with this fact being reinforced by both other characters (and even the narration) throughout the book and show, then why can’t he be interpreted As a gay man? well, the simple answer is that he can be, as long as we also acknowledge that he’s still nonbinary. I’m a nonbinary gay man, and the fact that I’m one of these things doesn’t erase or Diminish the other. it just comes down to Respecting both aspects of his character.

that said, he doesn’t Have to be gay or aligned for his presentation and personality and coding to be this way. there are nonbinary people who Don’t identify as gay or as masc-aligned who look and act like aziraphale. and that’s exactly Why neil insists on refusing to label him that way, just like he’s always insisted that Fans can and should interpret his work however they want. he will not say that aziraphale is a gay man because he wrote him as nonbinary, but he fully supports people reading him as an aligned nonbinary gay man (or any interpretation at all, as long as they still acknowledge that he and crowley love each other).

and all of That is to say that crowley and aziraphale (along with all of the angels and demons on the show) are Overt and Intentional queer representation Regardless of how you read their relationship (if you think it wasn’t overt enough or, bizarrely, you try to insist that crowley and aziraphale weren’t intended to be in love at all). it is, in fact, Transphobic to say that Overt Nonbinary Representation isn’t “enough,” or worse that it’s Queerbaiting. if you think they should’ve kissed on screen, if you think they should’ve said “I love you” in so many words, if you think they should’ve said with their mouths that they were dating now, you’re free to feel that way. but none of that means that good omens Doesn’t Have overt queer representation.

this was Mainly focused on the queerness in good omens in terms of gender and presentation, so I may come back and do a breakdown of Exactly how much I disagree with the notion that aziraphale and crowley aren’t overtly in love in the show (not the least because neil says says as much every opportunity he can, and both the actors playing the leads have said as much themselves), but this is long enough and I’m sick of writing it now afkjlsd

so to close this off: the next person who calls good omens “queerbait” has to personally pay for my top surgery.

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vaspider

I do want to point out as well, re: nanny Ashtoreth, that it is a very well-established fact about Terry Pratchett’s writing that femme folx who present with that Very Severe Look are to. A. One. shown to be Very Sexy. In Discworld you have (off the top of my head), Susan, Spike, and in Pyramids Ptraci is suddenly a lot sexier when she’s dressed in severe, old-fashioned Morporkian clothing. Even Granny Weatherwax dressing up is in that severe look and called out as Very Hot.

It’s not subtle. He seemed to appreciate An Certain Look.

So that just underlines, to me, that yes, Nanny was always always meant to be understood as Scalding Hot.

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reblogged
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cardentist

remember when good omens (2019) came out and neil gaiman made it clear in no uncertain terms that angels and demons were inherently nonbinary, that angels and demons (and crowley in particular) can and Do have a variety of presentations that they choose for themselves, and that the story is a Love Story between two nonbinary entities fighting for their right to love each other openly in the face of religiously charged black and white thinking that’d forced them to hide and deny their love for each other at the threat of punishment.

and then instead of celebrating the openly queer, openly trans, openly fluid and neutral and non-conforming relationships and people presented by the series people were just Legitimately like “Wow, can’t believe neil won’t say that aziraphale and crowley are gay (read: Cis) men, looks like queerbaiting is alive and well 🙄“ and nobody stopped them

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queer community gets easier once you accept that society at large is simply not trying to turn us from one kind of queer into another. it will only accept us not being queer at all.

society does not want you to be ace instead of gay or gay instead of bi or nonbinary instead of a trans guy or a trans guy instead of nonbinary. society does not want trans people to medically transition but it also doesn’t want us to be trans without medically transitioning. society does not want nb people to be nb and masc or nb and fem but that does not mean it wants them to be androgynous. society does not want queer people to have kids but it also does not want queer ppl to be happily childless. society does not want marriage (ie monogamy) available to queer people but that does not mean it want us to be polyamorous or non-partnering.

they’re trying to force full conformity. not partial. a gay trans person is not more or less acceptable than a straight trans person. we can shout at each other about “blending in with cishets” or “still having relationships with the ~opposite sex~” as much as we want, but transphobes still hate us both. they do not want either of us to be the other. they only want us to be cishet.

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theanartist

I may be completely off the mark here, as this is only a guess, but I am starting to wonder if there’s a connection between people hating on LGBTQIA+ identities that encompass a degree of vagueness and uncertainty, and people not knowing how to defend their orientations any way other than "it isn’t a choice"

Like. If you cut back to just the L G B and T, you can give each one a clear definition, and explain that people don’t just decide to fit those definitions. You’re a woman and you’re only attracted to women, you didn’t choose either of those things, you’re a lesbian. You’re a man attracted only to other men, you’re gay. You’re attracted to both men and women, you’re bisexual. You have gender dysphoria and you changed your name and pronouns and want to medically transition, you’re transgender. Clear and simple, very obviously Not A Choice. All sexualities are distinct, there’s no confusion over who is and isn’t trans. No overlap between identities.

Now many of us would point out that those four words and definitions are not nearly a sufficient vocabulary to describe ourselves. But as soon as we start introducing the words WE need, the potential for confusion skyrockets. You suddenly see that there is overlap, vagueness, and people existing in ways that don’t fall on one side of the line or the other. You see that sometimes there isn’t a single definitively correct answer for what a person 'really' is. They have to actively make a choice to align themselves with one group or another or both at once.

And so my guess is, that this reality is very uncomfortable for certain parts of the community. They’re so caught up in respectability and needing to justify who they are, that the existence of people for whom identity involves choosing rather than objectively being is a threat to them. Then you get things like transmeds losing their shit about 'transtrenders', people trying to either give bi and pan clear and separate definitions or just throw one away entirely, seething rage against any identity that seems contradictory, trying to shoehorn nonbinary people into being 'basically a man/woman', and of course the anxiety around Queer, the identity that doesn’t refer to any one experience and doesn’t even tell you if it’s a gender or sexuality, that overlaps with every other identity in the community, that sparks arguments over who can even be in the community, that is something you choose to claim rather than something you can’t help being.

I wish I had a snappy conclusion here but instead I just have questions about how accurate this is as to Why People Get So Mad about certain identities

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garetthawke

i GET that fighting misconceptions of bisexuality is hard i GET that it's horrible to have non bisexuals spreading the wrong information i really get all of that. but if your solution is to say "bisexuals do not exclude nonbinary people, only non bisexuals say that about us" I'm going to have to call out your crock of shit. cis bisexuals are still fucking cis, and all cis people are capable of being transphobic. you don't have a magic "never transphobic" card by being bisexual. there are literally TONS of cis bisexuals walking around telling people their identity is "attraction to men and women." I've recieved it SO many times from bi people.

if you can't address and deal with transphobia within your own community first, if you have to turn and point a finger outwards and stay in denial about your community, the problem will never be solved. bisexuality will always have conflicting definitions, misinformation will be spread, and nonbinary people will be hurt.

i say this also as a lesbian. we are constantly in a fight with transphobic lesbians, and we know by now we have to root it out of our community, and its our responsibility as lesbians to tell transphobic lesbians they are wrong and their ideas have no place in lesbianism. we don't have the luxury of blaming others if we care about how trans people are effected.

bisexuality is not special among sexualities. ALL sexualities include nonbinary people. all sexualities have cis people. all cis people are capable of transphobia. all communities are responsible for calling out and dealing with the transphobia that comes from WITHIN. bisexuality does not get a pass on this.

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