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garden in the void

@gardeninthevoid / gardeninthevoid.tumblr.com

🌿 Kris 🌷 24, he/she/fae*, russian 🌷 good omens and other things i like/care about 🌷 occasionally nsfw, be careful 🌷 deeply queer - gray ace and demi, bi and omnigay, genderqueer and bigender, and others 🌷 gray ace positivity blog: @gray-ace-space 🌷 bpd + adhd 🌷 current hyperfixation: good omens (as if you couldn't tell) 🌷 eternal hyperfixations: mlp:fim, lgbtq+ stuff 🌷 i just like a lot of stuff in general 🌷 teacher 🌷 learning spanish (b1) 🌷 enneagram 4w5 and it shows 🌷 *do not use she for me if ur cis and do not use it exclusively but if u alternate i will love u forever 🌿
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So within two days of each other, Fox News writes an article comparing aromanticism and asexuality to pedophilia, and then Matt Walsh releases a video saying asexuality is a mental illness and asexuals are tricking teenagers into having depression.

Not sure what’s going on right now over in Conservative World, but it’s a hell of wild U-turn for them to suddenly switch from “Oh no! The left is sexualizing our children!” to “Oh no! The left is asexualizing our children!”

It’s a reminder, I guess, that they’re coming for all of us. The fash and the white supremacists will not make nice distinctions between the queers when they put us up against the wall. There is no gatekeeping, no label-policing, no purity-purging and no assimilation that any of us can do that will save us. They want us dead, and while they’ll start with whoever is most vulnerable at any given time, they’ll get around to all of us eventually.

Queer solidarity means all of us because the fash are coming for all of us.

All Dividers are Feds. Stand united or die separately.

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hazel2468

ANYONE who is trying to divide our community is a fucking Fed. That includes other queers who like to argue about who is and isn’t “allowed” in our community.

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So within two days of each other, Fox News writes an article comparing aromanticism and asexuality to pedophilia, and then Matt Walsh releases a video saying asexuality is a mental illness and asexuals are tricking teenagers into having depression.

Not sure what’s going on right now over in Conservative World, but it’s a hell of wild U-turn for them to suddenly switch from “Oh no! The left is sexualizing our children!” to “Oh no! The left is asexualizing our children!”

It’s a reminder, I guess, that they’re coming for all of us. The fash and the white supremacists will not make nice distinctions between the queers when they put us up against the wall. There is no gatekeeping, no label-policing, no purity-purging and no assimilation that any of us can do that will save us. They want us dead, and while they’ll start with whoever is most vulnerable at any given time, they’ll get around to all of us eventually.

Queer solidarity means all of us because the fash are coming for all of us.

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marsti

these are also the arguments that were used by aphobes during peak ace/aro discourse. “saying a minor can be asexual is sexualization because it implies minors are capable of sexual thoughts” was a big one. “it’s just your depression making you feel unlovable, so you feel you can’t love other people in return” was another one. it doesn’t make sense and it doesn’t have to! these arguments are based on hate, nothing more.

but all that to say this is very much not new, so don’t let them bring it back.

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asterosian

This kid is awesome

Cute how people who say this shit dont say transphobia doesnt exist just because shitty parents might kick out a trans kid because they think it’s because they’re gay. It’s all terrible and parents being bigoted and neglectful and abusive. To parents like that it doesn’t matter if you’re gay or trans or ace, it’s all the same to them and they don’t want you in their family.

Using this as a “gotcha” to belittle the experiences of those who’ve gotten kicked out after coming out with the bonus of not even being believed for what they came out as is disgusting.

If you’re someone who’s so wrapped up in your exclusionary ideology that you’re denying the experiences of fucking children kicked out of their homes and abused after coming out, for the love of whatever you believe/don’t believe in, fucking re-evaluate.

Also to everyone like “this fake, aces don’t get offered conversion therapy”

In this recent UK study cis asexuals were the most likely to have conversion therapy equal to cis gay/lesbian people. And the most likely to have it offered.

Stop basically yelling Fake News!1 and re-evaluate why you refuse to listen to victims of abuse.

Also people should stop reblogged this with “why would a parent kick a kid out for not having sex??.”

1) Stop equating sexuality to behavior. Don’t do it with gay people, don’t do it for ace people.

2) Faith based groups, especially those who are not pro-LGBTQ don’t magically see aces as acceptable. They view them as not-straight therefore wrong.

3) If you are abstinent it’s supposed to be a sacrifice you suffer through to show your strong faith. Sex is meant to be your reward for being married. Being abstinent in a faith based groups works until you are meant to get married, be fruitful, or summit to your husband. The moment you decide you don’t want any of that for yourself now or in the future it’s a seen as a problem.

4) You’ll note that lots of number 3 is sexism, sex negativity, and the forced continuation of nuclear families something that directly and indirectly adds to homophobia and transphobia. And instead of saying “hey this ace, this victim of abuse, gives us an opportunity to discuss all of those wrongs in society, plenty of people just reblog “but why would you kick a virgin out??”

Learn what asexuality is, and how our fight for liberation has benefits for everyone.

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nothorses

Exclusionist tactics

So we’re seeing a resurgence of exclusionary rhetoric- and most of this is on Twitter, but I think it’s time to unpack what happened during the “ace discourse” as well- because this stuff will happen again.

These are just the examples I can remember off the top of my head- but they’re good things to watch out for.

Echo chambers: Over the course of the first year especially, exclusionists would form tight-knit groups and private chats (especially over Discord). They would invite people into these groups and suck them in pretty intensely, creating environments where only one way of thinking was allowed. People who disagreed would often be mocked and harassed back into conformity. Avoiding Criticism: Any comparison of exclusionist rhetoric to some more “legitimate” form of bigotry was usually met with the claim “why are so many of us [targeted group] then?” Oftentimes they would point to exclusionists claiming to be trans women or people of color, later found out to be fabricated by cis and white people. Exclusionists also tended to put “TERFs do not interact” and similar statements in blog descriptions or on TERFy posts in order to avoid comparisons to TERF rhetoric.

Targeting Allyship: Communities would be pit against each other in order to discourage allyship with the ace community. The most successful example is the way lesbians were encouraged to see aces as “a lesbophobic community”, the effects of which linger today. They also attempted to pit the bi community against us, and the autistic community. Targeting Language: Exclusionists often targeted the language the A-spec community used; “allo” came under fire for being “homophobic” and “lumping people in with their oppressors”, “a-spec” was said to have originated as a term for the autism spectrum (a blatant lie), and even pointing out similarities to TERFs came under fire- again for “lumping people in with their oppressors”.

Targeting Community History: Asexual history (which is by nature also aromatic history) came under intense scrutiny; any prominent figures or spaces were now considered “too problematic” (like David Jay and AVEN), and longstanding history was actively erased; while folks claimed that asexual history had begun with the inception of AVEN in the early 2000′s, ignoring documented history as far back as the 70′s at least.

Erasing Community Definitions: A popular tactic was to claim that a word “had no real definition” and thus couldn’t be legitimate. Exclusionists often compiled seemingly conflicting definitions of core words like “asexuality”, always given by unofficial sources and either allos, or baby aces. Official definitions and sources were erased entirely. “A Danger to the Community”: A core tenant of all exclusionist movements is that the group they’re excluding is “a danger to the community”. They’re “stealing resources” which usually cannot be described or quantified, nor are they actually limited- they’re “invading”, they “think it’s just a club”, they’ll “make us harder to accept”, etc.

Character Assassination: Anyone who spoke up about asexuality had their every action put under unreasonably scrutiny, and accusations were often slapped on with minimal prompting. Most often used were “lesbophobe” and “pedophile”; ever disagree with a lesbian? Now you’re a lesbophobe. Ever interact with someone under the age of 18? Now you’re a pedophile.

“Think of the Children!”: The ace communtiy was said to be “sexualizing children”, citing the fact that some young people identified as ace, and the belief that nobody should be thinking about sex or sexual orientation until legal adulthood. This often lead to people claiming aces were “pedophiles” just because of their identity.

Belittling Trauma: Aces were often asked to lay out the oppression they’d faced and trauma they’d experienced for exclusionists to pick over and “validate”- pretty much always, the end result was that exclusionists tried to convince the person in question that their trauma wasn’t real, or was “misdirected” and thus didn’t actually hurt them. Harassment Campaigns: Exclusionists would often find one person to target as a community, with the end goal being that they leave the site, shut down their blog, or far worse. A wave of harassment would come over one person at a time, in asks and mentions and all over everything they’d posted recently. We’d see dogpiling, basic insults and bullying, mocking, targeted bigotry (like ableism) etc.- and well as…

Suicide Baiting: Exclusionists would often “jokingly” suicide bait people they disagreed with, aces in particular, and I remember one ace blogger citing this harassment as a reason they eventually did take their own life.

Sexual Harassment: Aces were often targeted with sexual harassment as if it might “fix” their orientations, or just as a malicious way to hurt them. Sexual jokes, sexual insults, etc. were thrown at aces, many of them children or teens.

Grooming of Minors: Within their own communities, exclusionists often took advantage of their status, their weaponization of the term “pedophile” against others to make themselves appear safe, and the normalization of sexual jokes and comments within their communities to single out and groom minors. Minors were often roped into sexual spaces or conversations with predatory adults.

What eventually started to shut “the discourse” down and dissolve this movement was diligent de-platforming. People were encouraged to blog exclusionists on site, blocklists were circulated, we were discouraged from reblogging any post with an exclusionist on it, etc.- Instead we would make our own posts in response to their points, and screenshot theirs if needed.

Over time, this genuinely did work- and while we’re still recovering from “the discourse” to this day, we are at least in the process of recovering now.

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veritasrose

I really wish people would understand that there are other forms of queer rep besides two same gendered people kissing.

A queer character is queer rep regardless of their romance or a lack thereof even. Ace and aro people exist. Trans people exist. Bi people exist. Queer characters are rep by existing, not just by who they interact with. If a character is nonbinary, they are queer rep whether they kiss someone or not. A bi character in a relationship with someone a different gender is still queer rep because they are still bi. Queer characters can even just be friends with one another. They can be single! And still be queer because that’s who they are not who they do!

This whole trend of deciding if art is valid representation based on romance and ships is reductive and dismissive of identities existing within individuals. And of the communities that we all need.

Just please, stop reducing entire identities down to relationships. Its all good and fun to enjoy your ships, but you have to remember the community is bigger than just romances.

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queer community gets easier once you accept that society at large is simply not trying to turn us from one kind of queer into another. it will only accept us not being queer at all.

society does not want you to be ace instead of gay or gay instead of bi or nonbinary instead of a trans guy or a trans guy instead of nonbinary. society does not want trans people to medically transition but it also doesn’t want us to be trans without medically transitioning. society does not want nb people to be nb and masc or nb and fem but that does not mean it wants them to be androgynous. society does not want queer people to have kids but it also does not want queer ppl to be happily childless. society does not want marriage (ie monogamy) available to queer people but that does not mean it want us to be polyamorous or non-partnering.

they’re trying to force full conformity. not partial. a gay trans person is not more or less acceptable than a straight trans person. we can shout at each other about “blending in with cishets” or “still having relationships with the ~opposite sex~” as much as we want, but transphobes still hate us both. they do not want either of us to be the other. they only want us to be cishet.

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reblogged

i generally like sex education (the netflix show) a lot, but there’s one thing about it that really bothers me and i’m gonna complain about it bc i love complaining✌🏻

like, in season 2 they have this token asexual character that everyone lost their shit over, and dr milburn validates her asexuality, so we’re cool, right? except…. dr milburn spends the entire first season pathologizing her own son for not being comfortable with/willing to do sexual things.

and sure, she later apologizes for being pushy and invasive, but the issue is bigger than that. she thought otis not being a sexual person was a problem that needed to be fixed, and even if the show disagrees with her methods, it ultimately validates that belief.

“but otis isn’t ace” ok, yeah, the showrunners know that, but his mom doesn’t, and for a while, we don’t either. can you imagine if he was though? the damage it would have done, to constantly have his discomfort with sex treated as a brokenness, a sickness, a phase, to be told that it’ll go away when the time is right, or worse, that he just needs to power through and masturbate/have sex/etc already?

and imagine an acespec teenager who doesn’t fully understand themself yet watching the show and identifying with otis (i certainly identified with him), and internalizing all of that stuff. 

this is why writing in one ace girl with like 10 lines in the 2nd season feels like a band-aid solution to me.

as a mentally ill gray-asexual, the double standards are especially apparent. “otis isn’t ace, he’s traumatized!” ok, some traumatized people are ace? “florence is ace because she doesn’t want to have sex, ever, with anyone.” ok but some ace people do want to have sex sometimes/with some people tho…

it’s ironic that the show, via dr milburn’s dialogue, basically states sexuality is a spectrum, and then continues to treat asexuality as a sexuality that’s strictly defined and completely separate from the rest.

no. you don’t get to treat people differently based on if you think they’re asexual enough or not. you don’t get to decide that.

(actually, i lied. there’s two things about this show that really bother me. the second is the complete absense not only of trans characters, but any mention that trans people even exist.)

(also i wish there was more discussion of kink but that’s neither here nor there.)

Heck someone brought up once here and suggested Otis could be aegosexual. Which from what I’ve read seems like it could be true. Or greysexual.

Alas, I’ve never seen a full episode, just clips and parts from certain episodes.

i can definitely see that! i related to him a lot and i’m gray ace/aceflux

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According to a new study, among Australian university students, bisexual and asexual people experienced the highest sexual assault rate in 2015/2016.

no fuckin shit

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signerj

So I was skimming the study and I noticed that they specifically avoid comparing the statistics for asexuals to the statistics for any other queer identities. E.g., they’ll compare bisexuality with gay/lesbian/homosexual, but the only time they compared ace assault statistics with other groups was when comparing against both queer and “Straight” identities. I’m not going to read through the entire study because I don’t have the time, but, in general, a quick Ctr + F search is showing me a trend where the researchers chose to completely ignore the results regarding asexual folks.

I bet the same people who say ‘aces aren’t LGBTQ!’ would happily combine ace stats with other LGBTQ stats and then pretend the stat didn’t include ace folk.

It’s the same fucking thing exclusionists did with the bi community. They’d say we don’t belong because of our ‘het privilege’, despite KNOWING we have higher rates of suicide, depression, experiencing domestic violence and rape, than cis lesbian and gay people. They’d use our stats to bring down overall stats, but then claim those stats were just ‘gay and lesbian’ stats.

Pointing this out resulted in being harassed for ‘homophobia’ and told violence against gay people was our fault as ‘bihet invaders’. Now pointing out this history still gets accused of ‘homophobia’ since we’re supposed to just pretend it didn’t (and doesn’t) happen and let the same damn thing happen to aspec folk.

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If you don’t believe being asexual has any negative affect on people I was told by a psychiatrist that none of my relationships count because we didn’t have sex, and I can’t say I’m gay since I don’t want to have sex with girls.

and I was taken off my antidepressants because they may be lowering the libido I never had in the first place (plus various other reasons, but still immediately, cold turkey, which should NEVER happen unless they’re switching you to something else)

But aphobia doesn’t exist and asexuals are privileged, right?

Sorry to add to this but I wanted to say since I’ve had bad experiences with mental health professionals and biphobia, I usually get asked “but are you sure you are sexually attracted to both sexes, are you sure it’s not just an emotional attraction?!” Like my dude don’t you think I can tell the difference between wanting to date someone and wanting to be friends? Also, due to be gray ace 90% of the time I am not even attracted to anyone but like sure, make me feel guilty that I can’t “prove” my bisexuality.

Sorry too but to add on, being aro isn’t much different. I told my therapist and she was immediately concerned that my meds were repressing “all my emotions” and wanted to take me off them. My insurance ran out and I went off them bc of no money before that happened. She also suggested dating someone anyway to “fix” the “issue” and expressed concern that my emotions (romantic feelings) weren’t present because “I’m suspicious and untrusting of everyone and don’t want to try hard enough.”

Having your orientation medicalized and invalidated is bad enough, but its fucking dangerous to have your meds taken away because you’re not performing relationships the way some doctor thinks you’re required to.

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reblogged

did tumblr change something are you finally not allowed to rb from ppl who have you blocked

because i just got an error message trying to do so twice in a row. anyway here's a quick tip: if someone is posting about how "lgbt is not a cool fun club for anyone to join" they are an aphobe. shocking i know.

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