I hate to hand it to wheatley but imo one of the funniest moments in the portal games is “ah’m speakin’ in an ACCent that is beyond her range of HEARing”

There is just so much going on in such a short period of time

GLaDOS is literally the funniest character ever. Her arc culminates in her saying "I hate you so much it's not even worth the trouble of killing you, so just fucking LEAVE. And on your way out here's a full choir to sing 'Goodbye My Darling,' an Aria I wrote in Italian about how I love you and want you to be safe, which mentions you by name. Don't read into it. Get the fuck out. And here, something to remember me by: a box with a heart on it. Leave." to a woman who has literally never responded to anything she's ever said

I know a lot of people are gonna be like "uhhh Chell is fully nonverbal! She CAN'T respond!" to which I'd point out two things

Now, my point here is not to argue that Chell can hear them and just chooses not to respond. Quite the opposite. My point here is to propose that Chell is fully Deaf and neither GLaDOS nor Wheatley ever realized she couldn't hear them. You (the player) can hear everything that's happening but think about that game, and how easily one could complete it without audio or subtitles.

Maybe Chell is just fully on top of the situation, MacGyver-ing her way through this laboratory to escape, blissfully unaware of the fact that the robots trying to kill her are also projecting insecurities and psychosexual obsession onto her

It feels like I’ve talked about this before, but to me the funniest version of Portal is if Chell is deaf.

Like, most of the major story beats, at least the ones that directly affect her, have a prominent visual component so she’s following along with the basics. But she has no idea who cave johnson is, or what wheatley was trying to explain to her, and she certainly wasn’t hurt by any of glados’ insults.

but the best part of this headcanon is imagining glados checking chell’s personnel file years down the line, noticing the word “deaf” for the first time, and just going “WHAT???”

Glados learning sign language so Chell can hear at least one of her excellent monologues and Chell just closes her eyes

GLaDOS, talking to Atlas and P-Body: That Chell… I would miss her, sometimes, if I had the emotional capacity to feel loss. You know, for all her myriad human flaws, she was an excellent test subject. Just look at her file! No matter how I tried, there wasn’t a test that she—Wait. *dramatic pause* [in the most anguished voice you can imagine GLaDOS having] DEAF???

I think my favorite part in any video game I’ve ever played is that bit in Portal 2 that essentially goes:

GLaDOS: “Great, this is the part where he kills you.” Wheatley: “Hello! This is the part where I kill you!”

Chapter 9: The Part Where He Kills You

*Achievement Unlocked: The Part Where He Kills You”

#song playing: the part where he kills you

You can make fire with lemon and nails - Full video

why did the cake is a lie become the like most quoted portal thing when literally everything glados said was funnier 

“Look, we both said a lot of things that *you’re* going to regret.”

“Maybe you should marry that thing since you love it so much. Do you want to marry it. WELL I WONT LET YOU. how does that feel?”

“Nice job breaking it, hero”

“Look at you. sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle…piloting a blimp”

Like this bitch had a goldmine of good lines

“Maybe after you finish this test, I’ll let you take the elevator all the way up to the break room… and I’ll tell you about the time I saw the deer again.”

“It’s a mystery I’ll have to solve later. By myself. Because you’ll be dead.”

“Did you know that people with guilty consciences are more easily startled by loud noise– * really loud ass train horn* “I’m sorry, I don’t know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact.“ 

“Well done. Here come the test results: You are a horrible person. I’m serious, that’s what it says: A horrible person. We weren’t even testing for that.”

“Don’t let that ‘horrible person’ thing discourage you. It’s just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother’s decision to abandon you on a doorstep.”

”Remember before when I was talking about smelly garbage standing around being useless? That was a metaphor. I was actually talking about you. And I’m sorry. You didn’t react at the time, so I was worried it sailed right over your head. Which would have made this apology seem insane. That’s why I had to call you garbage a second time just now.“

“Wait. This next test DOES require some explanation. Let me give you the fast version- [unintelligible] There. If you have any questions, just remember what I said in slow motion. Test on your own recognizance, I’ll be right back.”

“This next test involves turrets. You remember them, right? They’re the pale spherical things that are full of bullets. Oh wait. That’s you in five seconds. Good luck.”

“That jumpsuit you’re wearing looks stupid. That’s not me talking, it’s right here in your file. On other people it looks fine, but right here a scientist has noted that on you it looks stupid. Well, what does a neck-bearded old engineer know about fashion? He probably - Oh, wait. It’s a she. Still, what does she know? Oh wait, it says she has a medical degree. In fashion! From France!”

“Oh, hi. How are you holding up? Because I’m a POTATO.”

”Remember, these exhibits ARE interactive. Like a children’s museum. So that means the pits of acid are filled with REAL acid. Like at a WELL FUNDED children’s museum.“

“No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.”

why did the cake is a lie become the like most quoted portal thing when literally everything glados said was funnier 

“Look, we both said a lot of things that *you’re* going to regret.”

“Maybe you should marry that thing since you love it so much. Do you want to marry it. WELL I WONT LET YOU. how does that feel?”

“Nice job breaking it, hero”

“Look at you. sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle…piloting a blimp”

Like this bitch had a goldmine of good lines

“Maybe after you finish this test, I’ll let you take the elevator all the way up to the break room… and I’ll tell you about the time I saw the deer again.”

“It’s a mystery I’ll have to solve later. By myself. Because you’ll be dead.”

“Did you know that people with guilty consciences are more easily startled by loud noise– * really loud ass train horn* “I’m sorry, I don’t know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact.“ 

“Well done. Here come the test results: You are a horrible person. I’m serious, that’s what it says: A horrible person. We weren’t even testing for that.”

“Don’t let that ‘horrible person’ thing discourage you. It’s just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother’s decision to abandon you on a doorstep.”

”Remember before when I was talking about smelly garbage standing around being useless? That was a metaphor. I was actually talking about you. And I’m sorry. You didn’t react at the time, so I was worried it sailed right over your head. Which would have made this apology seem insane. That’s why I had to call you garbage a second time just now.“

“Wait. This next test DOES require some explanation. Let me give you the fast version- [unintelligible] There. If you have any questions, just remember what I said in slow motion. Test on your own recognizance, I’ll be right back.”

“This next test involves turrets. You remember them, right? They’re the pale spherical things that are full of bullets. Oh wait. That’s you in five seconds. Good luck.”

“That jumpsuit you’re wearing looks stupid. That’s not me talking, it’s right here in your file. On other people it looks fine, but right here a scientist has noted that on you it looks stupid. Well, what does a neck-bearded old engineer know about fashion? He probably - Oh, wait. It’s a she. Still, what does she know? Oh wait, it says she has a medical degree. In fashion! From France!”

“Oh, hi. How are you holding up? Because I’m a POTATO.”

”Remember, these exhibits ARE interactive. Like a children’s museum. So that means the pits of acid are filled with REAL acid. Like at a WELL FUNDED children’s museum.“

“Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber…. is looking pretty good.”

It probably became so iconic since it’s so short. It’s just one line

Portal GO

you don’t find cool things you just run while your phone mocks you

I didn’t realize this was two different ads for a good minute or so

bad and naughty spheres get put into the

ＳＣＲＥＡＭＩＮＧ ＲＯＢＯＴ ＣＨＡＭＢＥＲ

to atone for their crimes

Alex Hirsch should hire me