@fruitviking / fruitviking.tumblr.com
Dr John Watson is a vampire. Sherlock Holmes discovers the truth one summer night, six months into their acquaintance, and there's no more hiding from the world's only consulting detective...
HeroForge creations with spoilers for chapter four under the cut!
Mind the Analog episode 1 is out NOW! On YouTube and most podcasting platforms!
they will need to whipstitch the wound closed, but embroidery is a "woman's" task. they will need to eat and clean and mend clothes, but why learn basic things when you can have a woman measure out your life in beads. he will be the "head" of your house, but if you want him to act accordingly, you must assign him a list of all applicable activities. you will be otherwise constantly in charge of almost-everything; so he will lead the house he is absent from.
in movies and books, the "cool" girl will be more-like-a-man. she will be "less boring," more "fun". she will have masculine ideas and masculine talents, which means a man doesn't have to change in order to find her fascinating. she will disdain of something as simple as stitching. how boring!
she will kick open the door of a car and quip what, girls can't drive? and flip her long hair down one side. she will grill and shoot a gun and skydive. be a guy. she will be sexualized.
somewhere, working on computers becomes a masculine task, and now on tv a gen-z disney character throws her hands up in the air. i can't be a computer science nerd, i'm a girl! in the real life, she will be unable to sit through some of her classes, shivering when she realizes she is the only woman present in several of them.
how many times have you read this book and seen this show and watched this movie. the singular woman is allowed 5 lines because she's not just smart! she's also pretty! she is surrounded by 20 average men, but she is stunning. she is the exception to the bland, pale lives of women-at-home, who will never be shown. she likes dirt and motorbikes and blood and shows up in a tiny dress during the final scene, rolling her eyes at our male lead's incredulity - just because i like motorcross doesn't mean anything. i'm still a woman, okay? i actually like shopping.
it is almost never reversed, and you think about that often. it is vanishingly rare to have a single man in a cast of women. the male love interest does not show up at a feminist march and sardonically squint at our leading lady - what? you thought only women care about human rights? he does not know how to balance a checkbook or kickbox because i grew up with three sisters.
when he cooks he is a chef, which is sexy. when he cleans, he's being kind, genteel. when he nurtures his family, confetti rains from the ceiling. when she does these things: it is her duty and her identity. what do you mean she has other passions and hobbies? isn't her hobby and passion homemaking?
the other day a friend embroidered a seam closed on your jacket into the shape of ivy. every time you touch it, you think of her.
something about women's hobbies and art and skills. something about women's work.
hey man. nice regional dialect. mind if i apply some baseless assumptions about your personhood to it? i was also gonna prescribe morality to it as well. if that’s cool with you
My dealer: got some straight gas🔥 this strain is called “The Hound of the Baskervilles”🐺you’ll be zonked out of your gourd💯
Me: yeah whatever. I don’t feel shit.
5 minutes later: Dude I swear I just heard howling on the moor
My buddy Holmes pacing: Stapleton is lying to us
drug abuse/addiction cw for below the cut (and to a lesser extent the video)
Ok but Nigel Bruce's Watson is so silly and blustery--what if he does some of it for a reason? He wants Holmes to feel like he's in control, to remember how much he can truly do when he has control of his faculties. He has no desire to remind Holmes of how serious and strict he was when *he* was the one getting Holmes back on his feet, monitoring his addiction, trying everything he knew to get him to move towards quitting. Perhaps Nigel Bruce's Watson lets Holmes guide him so closely because he has done the same for Holmes.
“Please, ma’am.” Lara is using her very best patient civil servant voice. “I realise this is frustrating for you, but I cannot issue a birth certificate for that child!” This is shaping up to be a very confusing Monday morning. It’s not like working for the civil registry is particularly thrilling, but it’s usually quite pleasant at least.
“I don’t see why not!” the mother on the other end of the counter sulks. “He is my son, isn’t he? So I should be able to register him!”
Lara takes another desperate look at the child in question. Child, not baby, because he is standing on his own two feet and looks to be about ten years old. Even if he’s a bit short for his age.
“What’s wrong, Mama?” he asks, a typical child’s frown forming on his forehead, and Lara blinks. The child’s light brown skin has an odd pattern to it, almost like the grain of polished w—
“Nothing, honey,” the mother replies hastily. “This nice lady is just trying to explain something to me.”
Lara feels her cheeks burn. “Ma’am,” she says, bringing her voice all the way own. “You’re supposed to register children within three days of their birth!”
The mother bristles like an angry hen. “He woke up the day before yesterday! It’s not his fault he wasn’t born.”
Lara stares at her, any sort of reply stuck in her throat. She can’t have heard that right.
She is just about to lose it – in front of a client no less – when one of her colleagues emerges from the copy room. “Is something the matter?” he asks concernedly. “Can I help?”
“All I want,” the woman huffs. “Is to register my child.”
Lara is about to apologise to Collin for dragging him into this, but as soon as he glances down over the counter and sees the little boy, he hastily stands up straight again.
“Ah, yes, I see,” he nods nervously. “No problem at all, ma’am. I’ll just— Asha?”
“Yes?” a voice answers from one of the offices in the back and Asha appears a moment later.
“A special registry for you,” Collin says, a tad sheepishly.
As soon as Asha sees the child, her eyebrows raise so high in delighted surprise that they nearly disappear under the edge of her hijab. “Hello,” she smiles. “How lovely to meet you. What’s your name?”
“Willow,” the boy replies cautiously.
“That’s a great name,” she answers decidedly and promptly turns her smile on the mother, who already looks considerably happier. “If you’ll follow me to the other desk, we’ll have Willow signed in in no time.”
Lara watches them go in silent bewilderment.
“I know,” Collin hums beside her. “It’s always the wooden puppets that come to life, never understood why.”
“…puppets?” Lara gulps. The boy’s hair had looked rather like spun wool…
“Mm,” he nods. “But Asha handles all the special registrations, so you needn’t worry about it. Just smile, nod, and go fetch Asha. That’s what I do.”
Her head is beginning to spin, but Lara nods all the same. “Right. All special cases are for Asha.”
“Exactly,” he smiles encouragingly. “Just remember, when it comes to birth certificates: living puppets, faerie changelings, babies from peaches, logs come to life, that’s all Asha. Oh, and with the marriages we do come across the odd brought to life statue, and they obviously didn’t have a birth certificate to begin with, so she handles those as well.”
Well that’s just too much to process at once, so Lara settles for a dutiful sound of agreement instead of a proper reply. She watches with growing admiration how Asha chats happily with the mother and child from behind her counter. A few minutes later the two of them walk off, smiling proudly, and with the new papers tucked safely into the woman’s bag.
“There we are,” Asha chimes. “No harm done. And another proud single parent.”
“Thank you,” Lara says, the apology clear in her voice, she really wishes she could have handled this a bit more gracefully.
“No problem,” Asha replies warmly. “It’s your first month, don’t beat yourself up about it.”
Lara makes a grateful sound and Asha gives her an encouraging smile.
“I give presentations at the head office, if you’re interested,” she says cheerfully. “Bureaucracy, the Supernatural and You. You should come along some time! Because I’m telling you, with the number of young people stomping off into the woods for some escapism nowadays, there’s going to be a big influx of special cases. Mark my words.”
Reblog if you're a partially muscled skeleton screaming for 30 seconds by the perimeter fence on November 14th
i don't care if monday's bleak
tuesday matches wednesday's freak
thursday mispronouncing steak
it's friday, i'm in love
Random Behind the Scenes pictures - from the Granada Sherlock Holmes productions -
Ethnic is one of the funnier euphemisms for not white. Damn you look like you come from somewhere
I am speed
I’d hold a cane or something out to the side and knock down everybody on the stairs.
shake things up by killing your character in the middle of the story and replacing them with some random new guy
