Ew Why Does It Have Teeth??

two sheep. standing still

Scream this is iconic….

was this in anyone’s bingo card

Okay buddy

So, I'm playing the new map on Medieval Dynasty as a woman (because they finally decided to let you play as a woman), and I was curious how the pregnancy dynamic was going to work because historically, in the game, when your wife gets pregnant, she goes on an 18-year maternity leave until your kid is grown, and I was like, well I'm the main character, so what's going to happen?

Am I just not going to be able to work or complete quests while I run around after my kiddo? Surely not. That'd be ludicrous. I wonder how they'll handle this...

Well, they handled it. They handled it by making my husband pregnant.

My beloved lumberjack husband, Teodoryk, is with child and very happy about it.

This game went from "you can't play as a woman because it's historically inaccurate" to "we're not going to fix the ridiculous game dynamic of an 18-year maternity leave, but we will make it so you can get your husband pregnant instead."

Incredible. Fully headcanoning this as a t4t marriage in 11th century Poland. I can't wait to meet our beautiful child. I will, however, be hiring a new lumberjack because I am not cutting down trees for the next 18 years. Fuck that. I've got wolves to fist-fight in the woods.

Also, I just want to clarify in case the tone of the post wasn't clear: men being pregnant isn't the funny part. That's normal.

The funny part is that this game was so heavily cis and heteronormative and vaguely misogynistic, but when faced with correcting a glaring oversight in the game mechanic that people have been complaining about for years, they decided to accidentally say "trans rights" instead because it was easier than correcting the 18-year maternity leave.

Anyway. I need someone to mod this so you can have same-sex partners. I want to build the first literal gay village in history. And then we're going to kill the King.

Announcing our beautiful baby, Wolfram, born on the first day of Autumn. Both father and baby are doing well.

I'm gonna go fight a bear that's harassing some beehives to celebrate, as is traditional.

I asked the wizard to turn my brothers into rats for a good sum so as not to kill them. Now they are my pets and feel great. Their nasty character remained the same.

have a weird story because my family is weird as hell

my parents tried to have kids for seven years and were trying to adopt when mom found out she was pregnant

my great-grandfather, who my mom really looked up to, died a month before i was born, and right before he died he told my mom ‘you’re gonna have twins. the girl should be older but the boy will be’ (mom hadn’t discussed the pregnancy very much with anyone at this point because… seven years, so he didn’t actually know this information)

and guess fucking what

mom had to have a c-section because we were stupidly large for twins (as in we have a record at the hospital large) and due to that my twin brother kicked me out of the way to be born first

so one, great start on the sibling rivalry

two, i am an actual child of prophecy and that is hilarious

pizza hut had to remove its self-service salad bars in china because people were engineering literally exactly this babelian monstrosity

happy pride month

i told my mom about the “sorry about your bf” memes a week or so ago and she’s obsessed with them she loves your boyfriend so much she’s constantly putting him in crazy scenarios and absolutely loving it

she had a dream last night that she was a waitress and she was pouring water into a girl’s cup for her and saw a bug in it and was like “oh no i’m so sorry there’s a bug in your water” and the girl was like “oh no it’s fine that’s just my boyfriend” and then picked him up by the back of his shirt and pulled him out of the water and he was coughing and sputtering

she said the girl set him down on the table while my mom kept apologizing to her and she was just like “oh it’s fine it happens all the time he’ll dry off no worries”

Hey so we told my mom about your boyfriend. Yeah she's been putting him in scenarios and situations ever since. Yeah sorry she's not been this into something in years, sorry.

no bc she’s literally texting me abt your boyfriend from the church pew mid sermon she can’t get him off of her mind he’s like a little plaything to her

i dont think i would be able to find the post but there was a theory floating around that Medic's area of focus was veterinary sciences rather than human medicine and i think it... tracks uncomfortably well

considering his habit of frankensteining animal parts into his human patients. He demonstrably has a pretty extensive familiarity with animal biology (maybe even more than people lmao?!)

incredibly funny mental image. get swaddled, idiot.

twitter interactions that are going to bring me to tears

fuck

I like it when posts like this are actually true

Zach Braff did an AMA on reddit a while ago and said the script would sometimes just say “Then Neil says something funny”

i had a dream that eminem came out as tranfem and the only things she did was grow out her hair and get a hairless rat to sit on her shoulder 24/7. the rat was part of the transition. she still went by eminem