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#writing reference – @fred-erick-frankenstein on Tumblr
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Pardon, but your tie is not symmetrical.

@fred-erick-frankenstein / fred-erick-frankenstein.tumblr.com

Fred|27|he/him|bi|I'll never tag any of my posts as "q slur", "d slur" or any of that matter - unfollow me if you think IDENTITIES are a slur!|Instagram: @fred_erick_frankenstein|German|icon from a gif by @poirott
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Words to describe facial expressions

  • Absent: preoccupied 
  • Agonized: as if in pain or tormented
  • Alluring: attractive, in the sense of arousing desire
  • Appealing: attractive, in the sense of encouraging goodwill and/or interest
  • Beatific: blissful
  • Black: angry or sad, or hostile
  • Bleak: hopeless
  • Blinking: surprise, or lack of concern
  • Blithe: carefree, lighthearted, or heedlessly indifferent
  • Brooding: anxious and gloomy
  • Bug eyed: frightened or surprised
  • Chagrined: humiliated or disappointed
  • Cheeky: cocky, insolent
  • Cheerless: sad
  • Choleric: hot-tempered, irate
  • Darkly: with depressed or malevolent feelings
  • Deadpan: expressionless, to conceal emotion or heighten humor
  • Despondent: depressed or discouraged
  • Doleful: sad or afflicted
  • Dour: stern or obstinate
  • Dreamy: distracted by daydreaming or fantasizing
  • Ecstatic: delighted or entranced
  • Faint: cowardly, weak, or barely perceptible
  • Fixed: concentrated or immobile
  • Gazing: staring intently
  • Glancing: staring briefly as if curious but evasive
  • Glazed: expressionless due to fatigue or confusion
  • Grim: fatalistic or pessimistic
  • Grave: serious, expressing emotion due to loss or sadness
  • Haunted: frightened, worried, or guilty
  • Hopeless: depressed by a lack of encouragement or optimism
  • Hostile: aggressively angry, intimidating, or resistant
  • Hunted: tense as if worried about pursuit
  • Jeering: insulting or mocking
  • Languid: lazy or weak
  • Leering: sexually suggestive
  • Mild: easygoing
  • Mischievous: annoyingly or maliciously playful
  • Pained: affected with discomfort or pain
  • Peering: with curiosity or suspicion
  • Peeved: annoyed
  • Pleading: seeking apology or assistance
  • Quizzical: questioning or confused
  • Radiant: bright, happy
  • Sanguine: bloodthirsty, confident
  • Sardonic: mocking
  • Sour: unpleasant
  • Sullen: resentful
  • Vacant: blank or stupid looking
  • Wan: pale, sickly
  • Wary: cautious or cunning
  • Wide eyed: frightened or surprised
  • Withering: devastating
  • Wrathful: indignant or vengeful
  • Wry: twisted or crooked to express cleverness or a dark or ironic feeling
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Writing Research: Pirates

Piracy, in international law, is the crime of robbery, or other act of violence for private ends, on high seas or in the air above the seas, committed by the captain or crew of a ship or aircraft outside the normal jurisdiction of any nation, and without authority from any government. The persons who engage in acts of piracy are called “pirates”. International treaties and national legislation have sometimes applied the term “piracy” to attacks on the high seas authorized by a government, in violation of international law; to actions by insurgents acting for political purposes; or to violent acts on board a vessel under control of its officers.

Such acts, however, are not regarded as piracy under the law of nations. Piracy is distinguished from “privateering” in that the latter is authorized by a belligerent in time of war; privateering was legally abolished by the Declaration of Paris of 1856, but the United States and certain other nations did not assent to the declaration. [1] [2]

Names

Society & Life

Commerce

Entertainment & Food

Hygiene, Health & Medicine

Fashion

Dialogue/Language/Writing

Justice & Crime

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grrrenadine

Russian Naming Customs

With Shadow & Bone content making its rounds on Tumblr, I wanted to make a PSA and clarify that whatever its merits, it does not really represent Russian realities, and especially doesn’t represent Russian names.

I have nothing against people enjoying the show or the books, but I do want to show you how names work in Russia, so that a future generation of fantasy fiction writers doesn’t make the same mistakes that Bardugo did. (If you read to the end, I explain where she went right and wrong with character names.)

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transxfiles

me: *writes fic*

me: great! time to post to ao3-

ao3 summary box: *exists*

me: 

ao3 summary box:

me:

ao3 summary box: 

me:

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rjeddystone

Ooh, this is actually kinda a neat thing, because you can think of it as a checklist:

  • Who: Main character(s)
  • Why: Character goal or desire (stated)
  • Why: Character need (implied)
  • When: Inciting Incident
  • What: Means (that achieves the goal/need)
  • Where: Place A >> Place B
  • How: The Plan
  • Obstacle(s): antagonist or challenge

For example:

  • Who: Bilbo Baggins, a respectable hobbit of Hobbiton
  • Why: Treasure, wealth (stated)
  • Why: Adventure, self-respect (implied)
  • When: After supper
  • What: Quest
  • Where: Hobbiton >> The Lonely Mountain
  • How: A company of dwarves, a wizard, and an ancient map and key
  • Main antagonist(s): a dragon

Thus, in less than 100 words:

  • Bilbo Baggins is a respectable hobbit in Hobbiton, never making any trouble or having any adventures. But when a wizard and a company of dwarves invite themselves to dinner, Bilbo finds himself joining their quest from the shires of Hobbiton to the legendary Lonely Mountain, the home of a long lost treasure, and quite, possibly, a dragon.  

~~~~

The Anatomy of Story by John Truby is a really good book by the by, if anyone’s interested in this sort of thing.

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transxfiles

me: *writes fic*

me: great! time to post to ao3-

ao3 summary box: *exists*

me: 

ao3 summary box:

me:

ao3 summary box: 

me:

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rjeddystone

Ooh, this is actually kinda a neat thing, because you can think of it as a checklist:

  • Who: Main character(s)
  • Why: Character goal or desire (stated)
  • Why: Character need (implied)
  • When: Inciting Incident
  • What: Means (that achieves the goal/need)
  • Where: Place A >> Place B
  • How: The Plan
  • Obstacle(s): antagonist or challenge

For example:

  • Who: Bilbo Baggins, a respectable hobbit of Hobbiton
  • Why: Treasure, wealth (stated)
  • Why: Adventure, self-respect (implied)
  • When: After supper
  • What: Quest
  • Where: Hobbiton >> The Lonely Mountain
  • How: A company of dwarves, a wizard, and an ancient map and key
  • Main antagonist(s): a dragon

Thus, in less than 100 words:

  • Bilbo Baggins is a respectable hobbit in Hobbiton, never making any trouble or having any adventures. But when a wizard and a company of dwarves invite themselves to dinner, Bilbo finds himself joining their quest from the shires of Hobbiton to the legendary Lonely Mountain, the home of a long lost treasure, and quite, possibly, a dragon.  

~~~~

The Anatomy of Story by John Truby is a really good book by the by, if anyone’s interested in this sort of thing.

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What its like to have a “lazy eye”

I’m bored so here’s some info in case anyone wanted to write a character with a lazy eye or smth like that. I can only speak from my own experience so keep that in mind. 

- I wasn’t born with it, it developed over a period of time. My dad said he watched as my right eye just slowly started drifting over the length of a few weeks when I was around 2. 

- Wore an eyepatch as a kid over my good eye. The eyepatches were really cool, they had rainbows and bears on it. 

- The purpose of wearing it over your good eye is so the vision in the lazy eye improves (I’m still wearing glasses though and my vision is unequal). 

- had to take eye drops as a kid. 10/10 would not recommend. 

- Having a lazy eye kinda gave me a broader range of view. If a regular person has a field of vision reaching 180 degrees, I can see more than that. Very useful for spying on people. 

- When looking at a book, I can see both pages at the same time and almost read from them but it’s very difficult. 

- I can also merge both sides of the book together so it’ll look like one page in my vision. 

- For some reason, my lazy eye can not stand sunlight at all. I walk into a patch of sunlight, it’s gonna close. 

- Alternatively, my lazy eye sees better in the dark. I’m known by my friends for having “night vision.” 

- In class, I cover the lazy eye to see the board better.

- a lazy eye has poor vision compared to the other one.

- a lazy eye isn’t constant. I can look perfectly straight without my eye drifting and pass for normal. 

- I can’t control it well when I’m tired which has freaked out quite a few freshman in the past. 

- Kids find it especially difficult to keep a lazy eye under control.

- Wearing glasses also helps me to look straight but now that I’ve become dependent on my glasses, when I take them off my eyes are difficult to control. 

- looking at a screen for too long will always make my lazy eye red first. Not sure why that is. 

- lazy eye gets super irritated and stings first before the other one does. 

- when watching tv or looking at a screen, my eye will drift. I can control it but having my lazy eye drift allows me to emerge myself into the screen. Would def recommend doing when watching tv, it’s awesome. 

- I can’t wink. My lazy eye will drift and it ends up being more horrifying than seductive. 

- I can’t roll my eyes. I could but my eye drifts which will freak everyone out as well. 

- I always win staring contests because I use my lazy eye as an ace. At the last moment, I let it drift. Never fails to freak out the other person.

- the trick mentioned above doesn’t work on family though. I would show my lazy eye to babies and they wouldn’t get scared. They get used to it and just try to either copy it or ignore it. 

- basically a homemade Halloween costume. I just gotta put on some torn, raggedy clothes and I’m a zombie. 

- Lot of people bully me for it but honestly fuck them, they’re just jealous of my enhanced field of vision plus my ability to see better in the dark. 

Feel free to ask any questions. A lazy eye is a true mystery and one that I still struggle to understand myself. 
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quousque

YOU KNOW WHAT BOTHERS ME

when fantasy books describe the cloth of Quant Farmpeople’s clothing as “homespun” or “rough homespun”

“homespun” as opposed to what??? EVERYTHING WAS SPUN AT HOME

they didn’t have fucking spinning factories, your pseudo-medieval farmwife is lucky if she has a fucking spinning wheel, otherwise she’s spinning every single thread her family wears on a drop spindle NO ONE ELSE WAS DOING THE SPINNING unless you go out of your way to establish a certain baseline of industrialization in your fake medieval fantasy land.

and “rough”??? lol just because it’s farm clothes? bitch cloth was valuable as fuck because of the labor involved ain’t no self-respecting woman gonna waste fiber and ALL THAT FUCKING TIME spinning shitty yarn to weave into shitty cloth she’s gonna make GOOD QUALITY SHIT for her family, and considering that women were doing fiber prep/spinning/weaving for like 80% of their waking time up until very recently in world history, literally every woman has the skills necessary to produce some TERRIFYINGLY GOOD QUALITY THREADS

come to think of it i’ve never read a fantasy novel that talks about textile production at all??? like it’s even worse than the “where are all the farms” problem like where are people getting the cloth if no one’s doing the spinning and weaving??? kmart???

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systlin

THANK U

pro tip: what do you say instead? I gotcha.

 In Ye Olde Medieval Fantasy Dayes, everybody’s layer against skin (shirt tunic or shift) is gonna be linen. it’s almost never wool except stockings or hose (like pant legs). Say “undyed cloth” if you wanna make them sound simple and peasanty. Comment on how you can tell it wasn’t made for them (the fit is off) and has had probably eight owners before. 

Outer clothing is gonna be either wool, or a blend called Linsey-woolsey, and again you could say Undyed, but dyes are not only common they are CHEAP and relatively easy. (innerwear is often left undyed or bleached to white because it gets washed to heck- like beaten by a wooden stick on a stone by the river- and dye would just fade out a lot so why bother. Ths is also why innerwear has ties, rarely buttons, unless you are so rich you have people doing your washing delicately because they’re hired to do only that. Buttons would get broken in the washing)

A poorer person is often seen in “russet”, a kind of rusty orange-brown color. Purple was famously reserved for royalty in many times and places, but its  also just hard to do. We see a lot more magentas and fuschias for nobles or common middle class folks than we ever see of Purple- and not many of those. Deep blue was more likely on very rich people, but a light blue was common for even poorer folks. Yellow was popular with everyone, and so was green, and many shades of reds, including the color we now call orange (they did not- this is why redheads are called redheads and not orangeheads). Your vision of everyone in very drab brown and mud colors is from Hollywood- most medieval-ren folks have clothing with colors. Sometimes garish colors, to the modern eye. Traffic cone Orange and acid green was a popular combo in the 13th century.

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elfwreck

Example medieval dye colors. Lots of yellows and orangey-browns. Woad gave a range of blues that are basically what we think of as “denim colors.” There were purples - royal purple was a specific color from a specific source - but if you mix wine-dye and woad-dye, you get purpleish dye. (Getting the color to stay that way may be more difficult. Everything worn by peasants fades; they couldn’t afford the really good fixatives.)

Plum, dusty purple, lavender, burgundy, chestnut, blood red

Walnut, chocolate, tan, linen, pale apricot, spice, dark spice

Peasant clothes were often more colorful than the nobility. Nobles could afford bright, clear colors that peasants couldn’t - but one mark of wealth was being able to buy all 4-8 yards of fabric for an outfit at the same time. So nobles would have a full outfit, including hat, stockings, even shoes, of one type of fabric (with ornamentation of a contrasting type, and as many buttons or bits of silver as they could get away with wearing), while peasants would often have a shirt, bodice or jerkin, skirt or pants, stockings, and hat of all different colors.

Dying or re-dying any one piece of clothing was within most of their cost limits - dye itself is cheap; fixatives cost. But boiling your shirt for an hour with onion skins in a copper pot would re-color the fading fabric.

And yet more medieval dye colour samples:

While centered on medieval Europe for the finer points, this is broadly true for any clothing needs

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Resources For Writing Deaf, Mute, or Blind Characters

Despite the fact that I am not deaf, mute, or blind myself, one of the most common questions I receive is how to portray characters with these disabilities in fiction.

As such, I’ve compiled the resources I’ve accumulated (from real life deaf, mute, or blind people) into a handy masterlist.

Deaf Characters:

Dialogue with signing characters (also applies to mute characters.)

Mute

Blind Characters:

If you have any more resources to add, let me know!  I’ll be adding to this post as I find more resources.

I hope this helps, and happy writing!  <3

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aquajoggers

ten inch dick aka longer than my forearm

i know there are some writers who follow me

please

take note

I believe the average is 6 inches? The longest is 14, an he suffers dizziness when he gets a boner, and even though he’s heterosexual, he can only have sex with men (or anally with women) as his cock can’t fit in a vagina.

So writers, take note.

jesus h. christ

I once had a boyfriend who was quite well-endowed, and that was some painful, annoying shit right there (especially with a selfish dude who didn’t really think about that/blamed me for being “tiny,” what the fuck). The average vagina is 3-4 inches deep, though some women may have a depth of 6-7 inches.

Of course, a lady’s Sarlaac Pit is designed to accomodate rather large things. That does not, however, mean that it is comfortable or fun to have those large things in your hermetically-sealed shame basket, not to mention have it ramming repeatedly against your cervix. Ow fucking ow.

Contrary to popular belief, bigger is NOT ALWAYS BETTER.

A rectum can be between 5-7 inches deep. A pliable dildo could push past that, taking that sharp curve into the large intestine, if you’re patient and flexible and you have a lot of lube at your disposal. And you don’t mind things being in your INTESTINES, oh my God. A hard dick, however, that isn’t so bendy, would be another story entirely.

So if you’re shooting for realistic sex and your bottom isn’t into pain, you may want to reconsider giving your top anything over 7-8 inches of dick. 10+ inches might sound awesome but like Communism, for most people at least, it’s better in theory than it is in practice.

This very NSFW and TMI-imbued post brought to you by all the fucks I do not give.

Oh and if anyone accuses me of kink shaming I will find you and I will skin you.

ive learned a lot today omg

i think the last of my innocence just got killed reading this

I reblogged this yesterday but I just have to reblogg again for ^

Just a heads up that 6 inches isn’t the average, 6 inches is considered a big dick

The average penis size is between 3 to 5 inches when flaccid and 4 to 6 inches when hard

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ms-demeanor

Here’s approximately what the *exactly average* (according to wikipedia) 5.17″ length by 4.59″ circumference erect adult human penis looks like.

(the scrotum size was a bit harder to get a read on but I tried my best with the 2″x.8″x1.2″ balls)

Desktop Hard Drive for scale.

just say ‘he had a big dick’, folks. leave it to the reader’s imagination. If you sinmply must give inches, keep it to eight. Believe me, eight is enough. 

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moramew

A small list of random ass sites I’ve found useful when writing:

  • Fragrantica: perfume enthusiast site that has a long list of scents. v helpful when you’re writing your guilty pleasure abo fics
  • Just One Cookbook: recipe site that centers on Japanese cuisine. Lots of different recipes to browse, plenty of inspiration so you’re not just “ramen and sushi” 
  • This comparing heights page: gives you a visual on height differences between characters
  • A page on the colors of bruises+healing stages: well just that. there you go. describe your bruises properly
  • McCormick Science Institute: yes this is a real thing. the site shows off research on spices and gives the history on them. be historically accurate or just indulge in mindless fascination. boost your restaurant au with it
  • A Glossary of Astronomy Terms: to pepper in that sweet terminology for your astrophysics major college au needs

Adding to this since I’m working on a shifter au one-shot:

More:

  • Cocktail Flow: a site with a variety of cocktails that’s pretty easy to navigate and offers photos of the drinks. You can sort by themes, strengths, type and base. My only real annoyance with this site is that the drinks are sometimes sorted into ~masculine~ and ~feminine~ but ehhhh. It’s great otherwise.
  • Tie-A-Tie: a site centered around ties, obviously. I stumbled upon it while researching tie fabrics but there’s a lot more to look at. It offers insight into dress code for events, tells you how to tie your ties, and has a section on the often forgotten about tie accessories

Even more:

WRITING REFERENCES

A page on the colors of bruises+healing stages: well just that. there you go. describe your bruises properly😍😍😍yes!!! Perfect!!

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roane72

Best trick I ever picked up. Seriously.

I have also learned this is great for [PICK A COOL NAME FOR A SHIP] and [LOOK UP THE FACTS ABOUT OXYGEN LEVELS] and [WHAT’S THE WORD] and [DOUBLECHECK CHARACTER’S EYE COLOR] and ALL KINDS OF THINGS.

Anything that isn’t critical in the moment, and could be filled in later while I’m currently trying to burn through writing pages that will be lost if I don’t get them out right now? Brackets.

.

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deadboy4000

This is good for research essays too! Esp like confirming citations and double checking facts!

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chiiri-h

This is also a really good habit for editing- use a symbol like brackets you wouldn't otherwise use in the text, so you can easily find areas that still need to be written later. Especially helpful writing online with search and find features.

My trick for single instances like ‘oh fuck i need a name here’ or ‘god damn pick a subject this character is studying’ or literally any other point where i can’t remember the exact word i’m looking for: I just put the word elephant*. ‘She had attended elephant university where she got her degree in elephant’. Then at the end I can just control+f all those elephants into real things, and because it’s a single word it took me zero time to type and keep my momentum. 

* If you are writing about something where you will actually talk about elephants, then this is a bad word choice. But so far I’ve never written about any actual elephants.

I mostly use brackets when I don't find the right word for an activity or the right adjective or the right phrase to say something so it'll look the same in my readers head as in mine but I don't wanna look up the possible synonyms right now.

Also (in Open Office and Google docs too, I don't know about Word - btw there's an option for students to get Word for free) notes are your friend!!! If you wanna put in the links/names of the books/whatever you used while researching so you can look this specific site up again later while editing - strg. + alt + c

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“scythes are impractical battle weapons” you say but i can’t hear you over the swish swish of my huge fucking scythe, which is cool

Oh! Ive actually done a bit of research on this! I found some scythe like weapon alternatives that work well as weapons while still maintaining the aesthetic!

IM SO GODDAMN FUCKING GLAD YOU ASKED

First, let’s start with war picks, also known as horsemans picks, or nadziaks. they look like this to start:

these weapons were fucking INCREDIBLE at piercing through steel plate armor, and was highly used by calvary in the 17th century with origins in the middle east and europe, not only were these functional weapons, but they were good, your armor wouldn’t protect you from a swing of this, and its not like not wearing armor would do you any good.

Next we have kamas, which look like this,

kamas are essentially the daggers of scythes, even being used for farming asian crops, they don’t have any real downside, and are even heavily used in martial arts

next, would be zaghals, or for long, indian zaghal axes, which look like this 

these were made for a similar use as the war pick, but it’s structured to be a sharper edge with a reinforced point, which allowed it to pierce through armor, like the war pick, but kept the sides sharper, allowing it to cut more effectively, and the handles on them are short and long depending on preference.

Next we have indo persian war hammers, which look like this:

These ones come closest to the scythe in visual terms in my opinion, and are also my favourite, these ones are still armor evicerating, but have a counterweight hammer on the other side, which helps stabilise the swing, and adds more momentum, along with being a hammer on the other side. 

And finally, we have the war scythe, which looks like this.

i know what you’re thinking, and yeah! i agree! its not a scythe like weapon, its a bad looking spear! these were made when farmers found out that their farming scythes were pretty sucky weapons and did like shit, so they repositioned the blade on the pole to be more usable! I hate this and i didn’t want to include this, but i have to because one of you fucks will do a 3 second google search and ask “what about war scythes” because you think you know more than me! i hate this weapon! 

Also, if giant sickles are more you’re speed, there’s the Ethiopian shotel

Or, the more popular Egyptian khopesh

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HEY ARTISTS!

Do you design a lot of characters living in not-modern eras and you’re tired of combing through google for the perfect outfit references? Well I got good news for you kiddo, this website has you covered! Originally @modmad made a post about it, but her link stopped working and I managed to fix it, so here’s a new post. Basically, this is a costume rental website for plays and stage shows and what not, they have outfits for several different decades from medieval to the 1980s. LOOK AT THIS SELECTION:

OPEN ANY CATEGORY AND OH LORDY–

There’s a lot of really specific stuff in here, I design a lot of 1930s characters for my ask blog and with more chapters on the way for the game it belongs to I’m gonna be designing more, and this website is going to be an invaluable reference. I hope this can be useful to my other fellow artists as well! :)

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Well-Known and Obscure Toxins: How They Work

Well this is a morbid subject but HEY it’s almost Halloween baby!! I was super curious about what toxins actually do on a molecular level after reading about cone snails. Obviously toxins can kill you, but how?? I wanted to know the grisly details. This is not an exhaustive list, just some types of poison, venom, and other toxic substances I was curious about, so let’s get to it.

Deadly Nightshade

Where is it found? Atropa belladonna grows in Europe, North Africa and Western Asia.

How it works: slows your heart waaaaaay down. deadly nightshade contains tropane alkaloids atropine, hyoscine (scopolamine), and hyoscyamine which disrupt the nervous system’s ability to regulate activities such as heart rate, breathing and sweating. It can cause narcosis, paralysis and heart failure as a result. Yikes. But an antidote exists that can reverse these affects if administered in time.

Toxicity: the entire plant is toxic, with roots having the highest toxicity but berries posing the greatest threat to humans because of their appearance. 10-20 berries can kill an adult, and 2-4 can kill a child. Symptoms of mild poisoning include dilated pupils, sensitivity to light, loss of balance, confusion, hallucinations (wild) and convulsions. Doesn’t sound like a good time.

Do not eat the shiny attractive berries!!! (cows and rabbits and other animals can eat it but humans, dogs and cats…NOT SO MUCH)

Totally fun and not morbid fact: during the Renaissance, belladonna was used by women in small quantities to dilate pupils and give a seductive appearance, and this is how it gets its name belladonna, or beautiful woman. Atropa comes from the Greek Fate Atropos who cuts the threads of mortal lives with her shears. Snip snip!

Hemlock

Where is it found? Conium maculatum grows naturally in Europe and North Africa, and has spread to North and South America, Australia and Western Asia.

How it works: stops your breathing. the flowers contain an alkaloid called coniine, which directly affects the nervous system and causes paralysis of respiratory muscles, leading to death from oxygen deprivation. Hemlock poisoning is treated by artificial ventilation for 48-72 hours until the effects wear off.

Toxicity: about 100 milligrams of coniine is fatal to an adult. That’s about 6-8 hemlock leaves, or a smaller dose of the seeds or root. Animals can also be poisoned and killed by hemlock, but luckily dangerous substances cannot be passed into the human food chain from milk or fowl.

Basically you’re only gonna get poisoned by this if someone puts it in your tea, because I assume you’re not gonna just go around just like…chomping on pretty flowers. Right? Right?? ok good.

Arsenic

Where is it found? arsenic is a metalloid that occurs often with sulfurs and metals. It can be present in volcanic ash and groundwater, and as a result can be found in low (acceptable) levels in plants and seafood. Good news: it is rare to find arsenic occurring at dangerous levels in nature.

How it works: in high levels, arsenic disrupts ATP production and causes organ failure due to necrotic cell death. This process can last between 2 hours to multiple days. It can also be fatal in lower doses administered over a period of time, and as such, was a popular murder weapon when it was readily available during the 1800s in England. Symptoms such as vomiting and diarrhea don’t immediately alert someone that there has been an attempted murder unless maybe you’re Sherlock Holmes.

Toxicity: google probably thinks I’m a murderer and won’t tell me just how much arsenic will kill a person. COME ON, google!!! it’s for SCIENCE!

Arsenic is no longer readily available for people to just get in large quantities, so that’s a RELIEF.

Cyanide

Where is it found? cyanide is a chemical compound produced by certain algae, bacteria and fungi. It is also found in plants such as peaches, apples, apricots and bitter almonds. A type of bamboo that grows in Madagascar is so rich in cyanide that it would kill humans, but not the golden bamboo lemur for whom this bamboo is a primary source of food!!! You go girl, eat that cyanide bamboo.

How it works: in non-bamboo-lemurs, cyanide disrupts ATP production, affects the central nervous system and heart, and causes histotoxic hypoxia: the inability of cells to take up oxygen from the bloodstream. Antidotes can work if administered in time for lower doses of cyanide.

Toxicity: 200 milligrams of solid cyanide or a cyanide solution, or exposure to airborne cyanide of 270 parts per million is sufficient to cause death within minutes. Um, YIKES. Really, cyanide was already scary enough as a solid before nature went and made it into a gas that kills upon inhalation. DEEPLY uncool.

Murder mystery writers: slip belladona or arsenic into your literary victim’s tea. Belladonna is sweet, arsenic is tasteless, but cyanide has an acrid and bitter taste.

Fun (well, not fun) fact: if you eat 200 apple seeds (about 40 apple cores) you will receive a fatal dose of cyanide. So like, don’t do that. An apple a day keeps the doctor away and is completely safe, but 40 apples apple cores a day WILL KILL YOU

Vampire Bat Saliva

Where is it found? Vampire bats are found in the Americas.

How it works: a toxic substance called Draculin (I’m serious) in the saliva of vampire bats acts as an anticoagulant by inhibiting an enzyme involved in the coagulation pathway.

Toxicity: vampire bats are indeed venomous and toxic, but they are not at all lethal. It just sorta sucks if you’re being bitten by a vampire bat, but you’ll live. Unless that bat has rabies. Vampire bat saliva also contains an analgesic, meaning the bites are almost completely painless. SO THAT’S SOMETHING

Cobra Venom

“hello do you have a moment to hear about cell death?”

Where is it found? Many species of cobra are found throughout Africa, Southwest and Southeast Asia.

How it works: most cobra venom includes neurotoxins that cause paralysis as well as cytotoxins that cause necrosis and blood coagulation. blood coagulation can happen in minutes.

Toxicity: many types of cobra venom are treatable, but may leave disfigurement from necrosis. If this isn’t scary enough for you, just know that spitting cobras can reach 2.7 m (8.9 ft) in length and like to aim for the eyes.

But you’d still rather be bitten by a cobra than THIS deadly mofo:

Venom of the Inland Taipan

Where is it found? the inland taipan is the most venomous snake in the world and lives, YOU GUESSED IT, in Australia, ie the place where everything is designed to kill you. Evolution decided it can reach 1.8 meters (5.9 feet) with a maximum length of 2.5 meters (8.2 feet), which I think everyone can agree is a dick move on evolution’s part. Take it back, TAKE IT BACK!!!!!

How it works: the venom contains neurotoxins, hemotoxins, and myotoxins AND an enzyme to increase absorption of the venom. Basically it causes paralysis, blood coagulation and muscle damage, because one of these things wasn’t enough apparently. Antivenoms against Australian venomous snakes exist but are least effective against the venom of the inland taipan.

Toxicity: the inland taipan’s venom has a murine LD50 value of 0.025m/kg. This means there is a 50% chance that .025 milligrams per kilogram of weight will cause death. It’s bite contains enough venom to kill at least 100 adult humans. But GOOD NEWS! the inland taipan lives in such remote places that it rarely comes in contact with people. Other slightly less venomous snakes are therefore responsible for more deaths. ….So that’s…still terrifying. just don’t go into the woods in Australia FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

What’s deadlier than the deadliest snake in the world, you ask?

Tetrodotoxin

Where is it found? tetrodotoxin is found in several animals such as pufferfish, moon snails and the small but deadly Australian blue ringed octopus (DAMMIT Australia)

How it works: blocks sodium channels. This prevents normal transmission of signals between the body and brain, causing loss of sensation, paralysis and inability to breathe. Fun!!! Don’t pick up the frickin evil little octopus

Toxicity: more powerful than cyanide, that’s for sure, about a thousand times more powerful in fact. the oral median lethal dose (LD50) for mice as 334 micrograms per kilogram. Fatal pufferfish poisoning result in death in about 17 minutes. The blue-ringed octopus, however, carries enough venom to kill 26 adult humans within just a few minutes. There is no anti-venom.

What’s worse than that, you ask? Ah, you shouldn’t have asked.

Conotoxin

Where is it found? Cone snails are found in the Indo-Pacific, the Cape of South Africa, the Mediterranean, and even southern California. Smaller species are not that dangerous. Larger species, however…

How it works: paralysis within minutes. cone snails have multiple harpoons to administer venom to prey (or unsuspecting humans). the harpoons deliver a venom that has HUNDREDS of different types of toxins, each targeting different nerve channels or receptors. Some cone snail venom even includes pain-reducing toxins. These pain reducing toxins can be 100 to 1,000 times more powerful than morphine. How THOUGHTFUL.

Toxicity: vastly more potent than tetrodotoxin. the oral median lethal dose (LD50) for mice is is 10 to 100 micrograms/kilogram. So like, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT LOL

Ricin

Where is it found? Ricin is obtained from the beans of the castor oil plant.

How it works: inhibits protein production and results in organ failure, respiratory failure and circulatory shock.

Toxicity: The median lethal dose (LD50) of ricin is around 22 micrograms per kilogram of body weight. If that sounds bad just wait till you hear about poison dart frogs 😭

VX

Where is it found? Nowhere in nature. VX is synthetic. It is an oily amber colored liquid in its natural form, was first developed as a pesticide and later for chemical warfare. It is considered a weapon of mass destruction and is banned under the Chemical Weapons Convention of 1993.

How it works: causes stimulation and fatigue of muscarinic and nicotinic ACh receptors, resulting in violent contractions followed by paralysis and death by asphyxiation.

Toxicity: 7 micrograms/kilogram. this is one of the most toxic synthetic substances on earth. Humans have got nothing on mother nature though…

Batrachotoxin

(This guy is called phyllobates TERRIBILIS. but is his cute little face terrible? noooo.)

Where is it found? in certain types of beetles, birds and poison dart frogs found in Colombia.

How it works: similar to conotoxin, batrachotoxin interrupts sodium channels. The resulting migration of Na+ ions causes heart failure and paralysis.

Toxicity: The LD50 is around 2 micrograms per kilogram, meaning that an amount the size of two grains of table salt will kill you, and that this is even worse than a cone snail, Ricin, or VX. Batrachotoxin is one of the deadliest alkaloids known. No antidote exists.

Fun frog fact: this was the poison commonly used by the Embera-Wounaan for poison darts, and that’s where poison dart frogs get their name! How…cute.

Botulinum, most toxic substance in the world

Where is it found? made by the bacteria Clostridium botulinum and related species.

How it works: causes Botulism, which if untreated can result in paralysis and respiratory failure by preventing the release of the neurotransmitter acetylcholine. Botulinum is used in very very very VEEEEEEERY small amounts in Botox, in case you ever needed reasons NOT to do Botox lol.

Toxicity: the lethal dose of 1.3–2.1 nanograms per kilogram in humans. of any toxin natural or synthetic, this is the deadliest known. However!! Actual good news this time: treatments involving antitoxin therapy and intubation are very successful and mortality from Botulism is extremely low. Yay! 

More good news: toxins have been instrumental in medicinal breakthroughs throughout history and continue to be vital to modern medicine. A drug for diabetes was recently synthesized from Gila monster venom: it increases the production of insulin when blood sugar levels are high. A painkiller has been developed for chronic pain patients that is derived from a component of the venom of our friend, you guessed it, the cone snail! These are just two examples of toxins being used in medicine, and a lot of research is still being done because face it: we still don’t know a lot about how our bodies work. Paralyzing agents are extremely important to our understanding of the body and the development of non-opiate non-addictive painkillers because of how they disrupt signals between nerves and the brain.

Long story short: don’t eat nightshade and stay OFF AUSTRALIAN BEACHES and you should be just fine. 

Oh and your tea is getting cold ;)

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kaijuno

An important guide for all my Michigan and other northern living folks for this winter

You also want to keep some supplies in your car. Some water, some non-perishable food what you can eat cold. I keep a hatchet in my car, cause they are an amazingly useful tool.

Also, in order to stay hydrated. NEVER EAT SNOW. It lowers your core body temperature, and also actually dehydrates you. Melt it first. Doesn’t matter if it’s ice water, so long as it’s water.

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