Pardon, but your tie is not symmetrical.

it’s never too late. for anything: to apologize, to chase a dream, to try again, to forgive, to pick up a hobby, to fall in love, to change. you can do it whenever you want

i know so many of us have been trained since a young age to be so accommodating as to fear ever expressing an opinion, but as we get older we need to understand that being “accommodating” to the point of total indecisiveness is a very uncomfortable way to go through life, for you AND those around you. it’s ok to have an opinion on something. it’s ok to make a decision. your friends won’t hate you if you’re the one to end the “where do you want to eat” “oh anywhere is fine with me” discussion by suggesting a restaurant. you’re not high maintenance if you say, “noon is more convenient for me” when someone asks you what time you want to hang out. make decisions, have opinions, be part of the planning process, understand that you’re not being inconvenient, you’re just contributing. 

dont care didnt ask plus your pessimistic outlook on life is exhausting

"we all die" "love is pointless" "its never gonna get better" yeah ok bitch maybe!!!! i dont care tho im still gonna love with my entire heart and live every day like its my last!!!

Cool post but I have depression

so do i man. not an excuse to bring other people down.

i think the funniest and realist thing i’ve realized lately is how troubling idealization can be. every person is just… a person. the very people you want to impress or be apart of are just people. even if they seem wildly intimidating because of the way they look or because of their reputation, every one is just a person. human. as embarrassing, as remorseful and they are going through stages of growth just like you are. we only see what we want to see and then drown ourselves further in our own depression and we don’t have to.

truly and i am learning the less i idealise others, the more willing i am to meet people where they are warts n all. and the more willing i am to show myself too and bring my whole self into things. my own embarrassment becomes a new normal and fine thing. stumbling becomes more endearing.

had a teacher once who told us “idealizing people is just as dehumanizing as demonizing them” and that stuck with me so much

Stop convincing yourself you’re wasting your life away. The time you’ve spent resting and healing was and is necessary. You’re not a waste of a person if you find yourself struggling right now. Healing, recovering, sitting with your pain is foundational. It’s not a waste. You are still whole.

Whatever you need to do to get yourself through a tough day, do it.

Sleep if you need to. Take meds that calm you if you have them. Make sure to eat and drink. Entertain or distract yourself in a healthy way. Move your body around a little if you feel stuck.

Your days will get better, but until then, take good care of yourself like you would your best friend.

You don't have to do it all right now. Instead of trying to clean your whole room, maybe just try clearing off your desk. Instead of trying to write a whole essay,maybe just try writing a sentence or two. Getting started is almost always the hardest part, and the smallest steps forward will help you reach your goals.

seraf’s brutally honest transition post incoming 

as a forewarning, some of this will talk very bluntly abt bottom growth. i use masc/gender neutral language ( e.g. dick ) for most of this. 

 some of u guys suggested i did make the post talking about things i don’t see mentioned often wrt testosterone or top surgery, so here goes! a disclaimer that i can only speak from my experiences and from other transmasc ppl i know. 

- your sweat and your pee will smell different after awhile on t. i do not know the scientific explanation for this, but they do. this is normal and fine. you will, however, smell more strongly/more often. invest in a good deodorant. 

- saying you get anger issues on t wouldn’t totally be the best way to describe it, in my experience + that of a few other guys i know? closer would be … your fuse shortens. you find that your threshold for irritability and the limits of your concentration span don’t stretch as far as they used to. sometimes you’ll just have low undercurrents of irritation that bubble up/get triggered by just about anything. my strategy for these has just been largely like - when i know they’re happening, separate from other people and go do something to distract myself, so i don’t end up getting annoyed at one of my friends for nothing. 

- acne is a problem. for me particularly over my shoulders, chest, and back. 

- a little tmi: but it can also be an increased threat or problem around your pubic area, which, combined w increased hair growth, and the way you dry out, means there’s more of a chance for irritation or bumps there. make sure to wash w water regularly. additionally, with bottom growth, you do essentially have a foreskin now - be sure to clean under it, or gunk can start to build up. 

- the first couple weeks on t, your dick will hurt. you’ll be uber sensitive to everything. this is also normal, even if it is a pain to deal with. 

- you will almost certainly get horny. sometimes it will hit you like an eighteen wheeler. i’m not sure if this is the case for people w no libido/sexual aversion pre-t, but you will occasionally be almost comically horny. for me, it manifests as like … an undercurrent. i can be doing just about anything and my sex drive is still half-revved. you get used to it, mostly. 

- your ass and thighs will get very hairy. make sure to wipe even more thoroughly. this might seem like a dumb tip but it’s just something to keep in mind. 

- your voice will have an awkward in between period before it finally levels out. cracks galore. 

- binding, esp if you’re binding while you’re on t and the shape of your body is changing, can permanently alter the shape of your chest. my surgeon commented on mine when he was marking me up for the operation - binding for as long as i have been, off and on since about thirteen, had permanently altered the shape of my chest. 

- my advice is to use covid to try and start testosterone, actually. me and a handful of other people i know have actually had more success getting a consultation during covid, due to the increase of video calls, etc. about a week and a half after my first zoom consultation, i was picking up my first t prescription fill. 

- you will get hot flashes sometimes on t. this is also pretty par for the course. 

- your sense of smell might also change a little bit? so will your taste. i mean this both literally and in a broader sense - you might find the things you enjoy shifting, or who you’re interested in, the foods you like, etc. don’t be frightened by it; it’s perfectly normal. 

- the texture of your hair, both on your head and body, changes a bit. 

- in re top surgery!

- drains. if you get nipple grafts, if you’ve got a large chest, etc, it’s pretty certain you’re going to deal with drains. what these are is a tube on each side under the skin of your chest, with the outside end attached to a bulb. see image below for what it looks like unattached.

this bulb will, well, drain the excess liquid from your incision area. you have to empty them at least once a day. they’ll be in for at least a week. 

- drains are probably the most painful part of top surgery/the place where most complaints originate, according to my team. when they’re in, your range of movement will be very limited. you will be in a pretty good deal of pain. 

- when your drains are in, sometimes, if you stand up or turn too much, you’ll feel a sharp pain. almost like your nipple is tearing off. this is just the drain. this is perfectly normal and there is nothing wrong with you; your nipple is not actually ripping off. 

- you can’t shower while the drains are in, or put on normal shirts. make sure you’ve got button up shirts before you go in for top surgery - what worked best for me was a button up thin short sleeve shirt a couple sizes too big for me. it was easy to get on and off over the post-op compression vest and the drains, wasn’t too hot, etc. 

- you do have to wear a compression vest for a couple weeks post-op, to reduce swelling. if you already bind - this is much less restrictive than a binder, don’t worry. 

- after you get the drains out, you’ll be in charge of changing the dressings on your grafts. i highly reccomend aquaphor - it makes the changing process much easier. 

- sometimes your nipples will bleed when you’re changing the dressings. this is normal. you might itch or feel occasional sharp pains even post the drains coming out, especially the first day or two afterwards. this is also normal. you’ll feel stiff and sore. this is also normal. the incision scar being bumpy or cracking/chapping/bleeding in a couple places is also normal. 

( i freaked out a couple times and emailed my doctor asking if xyz is a normal thing to experience so you don’t have to! ) 

- if possible, get two compression vests, so you can wash one and wear the other. hand-wash and dry them so you don’t ruin the effect. 

- your nipples looking dark/chapped/dead when you first see them post-op is also normal; it’ll take a little for the blood and nerves to reconnect, etc. speaking of nerves - the area directly around the incision, your nipples, etc, will be numb for awhile as well, which makes changing the dressings easier. 

- getting the drains out can hurt or it can be entirely painless. my advice/what i did was take painkillers an hour before getting them out, and it didn’t hurt for me at all. what it does feel is fucking weird. 

- there’s a pretty clear mental image of what ‘top surgery scars’ look like, but that’s definitely not universal! scars, and nipples, are all super dependent on what you and what your body type look like, and not everyone gets bilateral top surgery anyway. in my case, because of the shape of my chest, they connected the two incisions in the middle to remove the excess fat there, so i have one long scar across rather than two. 

and that’s totally fine! different bodies are going to need different things. 

which is a good point to wrap this up on - i’ve shared a lot here about my experience + what i know abt other trans guys’ experiences, but everything isn’t universal. these are just a few common or useful things i think i can pass on to you guys. 

Gotta make room for new mistakes in 2021!

— Daniell Koepke

Trans people don’t owe you our pronouns. For example, I’m terrified of adding mine to a lot of my social media because my family is very transphobic.

Just remember you aren’t owed peoples privacy.

I hate the idea of “female/male pronouns.” Like, I use he/him pronouns, but am decidedly not male. So, in my use of them, they’re not male pronouns. Saying “female/male pronouns” just further enforces the gender binary. Pronouns are neither male nor female. They’re just pronouns.