Pardon, but your tie is not symmetrical.

There’s so much to unpack here:

Gods I fucking love this post. So hard. Fuck.

I want a David Suchet Poirot Muppets movie so so so so so bad. It’d be perfect. He’d treat the Muppets with human dignity and the Muppets would try so hard to help him solve the case and we watch his energy slowly drain from his eyes as the movie goes on.

My best friend came up with this exchange for our dream Muppets and Poirot movie and I had to do something with it.

muppet profiles

the muppets trading cards (1992), pt. 3

I want a David Suchet Poirot Muppets movie so so so so so bad. It’d be perfect. He’d treat the Muppets with human dignity and the Muppets would try so hard to help him solve the case and we watch his energy slowly drain from his eyes as the movie goes on.

[ID: a screenshot of a twitter thread. The first tweet is by "Maddie (ghosts are real)":

Wanting the next knives out movie to star the muppets means that you want one of the muppets to murder another muppet.

This got retweeted by "carlos magana":

Nah, I want the muppets to have special guest star Daniel Craig (like normal) but he gets killed right before the show backstage then (capitalized) world renowned detective Benoit Blanc shows up to solve the murder of famous actor Daniel Craig. /end ID].

A very merry Christmas to you from Charles Dickens himself

There's only one more sleep till Christmas

[ID: a picture of Gonzo from the Muppets Christmas Carol, dressed up as Charles Dickens in a red coat, blue scarf, brown top hat, brown vest and yellow and blue cravat. /end ID].

EVERYBODY SAY THANK YOU BRETT

[ID: a screenshot from the linked article:

"You've done Muppet Christmas Carol. You've done Muppet Treasure Island. You've done Muppet Wizard of Oz," said Goldstein. "Can I please pitch that we make Muppets Pride and Prejudice?"

The actor then went on to try to sell Miss Piggy on the idea that he would play Mr. Darcy and she could be Elizabeth Bennet in a new adaptation of the beloved Jane Austen novel. "I'd love to do that," she replied. "Brett, you've got pull in this town. Can you get Pride and Prejudice and Piggy green lit?"

(Underneath are a picture of actor Brett Goldstein, a white man with short, dark hair and a short beard, wearing a suit, and Miss Piggy, a pig Muppet, with blonde hair, dark lashes, wearing a leopard patterned coat with black leather. The picture is captioned "Brett Goldstein and his hopefully film romantic interest Miss Piggy.") /end ID].

fun fact! this is the best moment in cinema history

[Video description: A clip of Rizzo the Rat and Gonzo in the Muppets Christmas Carol. They are standing outside on a snowy doorstep, wearing period clothing. Rizzo is holding a small, crumpled paper bag.

Rizzo hums pensively and looks to the side. He then turns back to Gonzo and says, “Oh, uh, jelly bean? Uh, I had them in my pocket all along.”

Gonzo grumbles loudly and turns away, shaking his head slightly.

Rizzo shoots back indignantly, “What?”

Gonzo whips back around to stare at Rizzo.

There is a beat of silence. They stare at each other. A moment passes where all they do is stare into each other’s eyes, the only sound being the low hum of wind in the background.

Then Rizzo leans in and presses a small kiss to Gonzo’s nose. End description]

Thanks for the video description!!

As I grow older I feel my capacity to understand that Miss Piggy is not a real person reached a peak in my adolescence and is now on a steady decline. I watched a Wendy Williams interview and there’s this part that’s like “can we get a ring cam!” and Miss Piggy shows her bling and I’m just like fuck she’s so iconic. Miss Piggy who are you wearing? Miss Piggy have you ever considered running for office??

Like literally every time I see Miss Piggy there’s a period where I need to readjust to the fact that it’s not a person, and I feel that period is getting longer and longer with every instance

now all my Youtube recommendations are filled with Miss Piggy interviews. I’m not complaining. Miss Piggy what’s your secret to ageing so graciously

It’s not just the audience; professional journalists, hosts, and actors report it is legitimately difficult to not see the Muppet as a person, and it is, in fact, incredibly easy to interview or act with them once the performer gets properly set up.

Like that one time they couldn’t figure out why Kermit’s audio was so garbage… then realized they’d put the mic on him instead of the performer.

this has been a very longstanding issue - before the muppet show was even a thing some muppets appeared in commercials, such as rolf the dog they had a continual problem where when people directing/shooting the dogfood commercial would give dirrection to rolf that they would be speaking to the muppet, to which rolf REPEATEDLY had to tell them ‘i cant hear you, you have to talk to him’ and point at the performer underneath him rolf is one of the most embarrassing muppets to need this direction as the performer is this, damn, obvious when not on camera

‘sir, i am a bathroom mat, the man you need to talk to is back there’

I did an interview with Gonzo one time, and when I got into the Zoom call, it was the actor on screen trying to figure out his audio. And then once he did, he went like “OKAY!” and then just like dove to the floor and it was Gonzo and there was never a moment when I doubted that the dude was just Gonzo’s tech guy 

[ID 1: a screenshot of a Youtube Video, showing Miss Piggy and Kermit, sitting next to each other on a white coach, next to Queen Latifah, who's laughing. The video is captioned "Miss Piggy chats about turning 40 and marriage".

ID 2: a photo of the Muppet Rolf the dog, sitting at a piano. His upper half looks like a puppet dog, a man standing "behind" him, with his arms under the fur of Rolf's arms. In the background sits another man at another piano with headphones on his head. /end ID].

.

For a moment I was confused why they needed someone else at the (second) piano until I realized that Rolf can't play the piano himself 😅

I have mixed thoughts on sex work. I love sex, but I hate work!

“Yeah, we hate seeing you work too!”

how does this post keep getting better

[ID 1: a gif of Fozzy the Bear, grinning widely, looking from one side to the other, waiting for applause.

ID 2: a gif of Waldorf and Statler in their theater lodge, both laughing.

ID 3: a screenshot of a tag: two old gays making fun of a young bear... Just your regular night at a gay bar I guess. /end ID].

I love how muppets walk I wish I could walk like that

[ID: a gif of Fozzie, Kermit the Frog, Camilla the Chicken and Gonzo from The Muppets, walking. They wiggle from side to side with each step. /end ID].

[ID: two gifs of Miss Piggy of The Muppets show, saying: "If you need anything just ask. Someone else." /end ID].

[Photo ID: 2 panels of Statler and Waldorf from the muppets.

Waldorf: This website is awful!

Statler: Terrible and disgusting!

Waldorf: Off to the next post?

Statler: Of course!

end Photo ID]

[ additional id: statler and waldorf are two muppets of white old men. waldorf has white hair and a white mustache, and is wearing a brown suit. statler has a ring of gray hair around the sides of his bald head, as well as thick eyebrows, and he is wearing a black suit. both are sitting in a theater box / end id ]

i unironically love the muppets i think we all do tho

weed the ppl out of your life who only like muppets ironically. you dont need that kind of negativity in your life.

did you say weed

[Id: a reddit post of the yelling kermit reaction image captioned “IT’S NOT FUCKING WEED YOU PIECE OF SHIT STONER.” End id.]

Have a picture of Swedish Chef and Danny Trejo destroying toxic masculinity. 

[ID: a photo of actor Danny Trejo, hugging The Swedish Chef from The Muppets Show. /end ID].