"Somebody hand me my nails. I'm about to give a church a visit."

They got community noted.

wait. is there Jesus porn? Is he hung?

Nah he was crucified

Huge cock though

posts that will get you excommunicated from the catholic church

Actually, they promoted me to pope

Brother i have written jesus porn

love david and goliath being like one of the main bible stories for kids. like yeah you might be small but with god on your side you can kill someone with a rock

Oh so when golden boy David does it, he’s heroic and a man after God’s own heart, but when I, CAIN-

Comfort

       Shabtai (left) and Uri (right) are two angels assigned the task of accompanying one home from synagogue, permanently cemented in their roles of ‘good’ and ‘evil’. Uri never imagined being the negatively-framed counterpart, let alone to an angel he admired for centuries. Shabtai had been unpartnered for a millennium and struggles with his conflict of joy for the role he yearned to have for so long while witnessing his opposing partner in ceaseless distress.         After every amen passes his partner’s lips, Uri is visibly overcome with grief for his role in Shabtai’s submission. What Uri takes as looks of disappointment are in reality sadness for the guilt Shabtai knows Uri will experience. Shabtai grows to hope his partner must always submit to him not only for the sake of those they follow, but to shield the gentle angel from his pain. Shabtai comes to see Uri as not just his counterpart, but as his close friend.        In time he finds himself softly assuring Uri despite his struggle with words. In time he finds himself thinking of Uri’s pearly tears slowly trailing down his delicate neck. It becomes commonplace for him to hold the weeping angel close regardless of outcome, from relief or to comfort.         With much thought Shabtai finds his words to comfort Uri- struggling to tell him he is not ‘evil’, he is his balance. He is the other half of the scale, equally necessary to define one another’s purpose. The only issue is that with clarifying his thoughts to Uri.. He makes the realization he’s fallen horribly in love and his counterpart is completely oblivious. Now Shabtai needs to figure out how he can confess in a way Uri will understand.

@mysticismmess @hymnsofheresy this is us right here, isn’t it?

I only spread minor trinitarian heresies 💅🏻💅🏻💅🏻

I mean…….those plot points aren’t even THAT heretical fjsbsbdhdhxhxj.

This Catholic approves.

If you made a very terrible mistake and asked @joshversus and me to write your Passion Play, something very like this would occur.

Huh. So getting ejected from church groups for making too compelling arguments for various historically heretical interpretations of the Bible is a Jewish thing then? That explains which side of the family I get it from then. 

(Also I have been ejected from every single damn church I’ve ever been inside of and every single time it has been for asking questions in good faith about confusions I genuinely wanted cleared up from church authorities who were literally asking for questions. I’m still salty about that.)

[Image transcript: A series of tweets from Aleksei!!! On Wheels (@ai_valentin). They read:

Strap in, folks, because this is a cautionary tale about letting teenagers too smart for their own good write theology without oversight.

So my grandparents on my mom’s side were Catholic, and at the time, I had a Catholic boyfriend. So I ended up doing lots of random stuff at the parish because, well, boyfriend. I ended up befriending all the artsy, queer Catholic kids who were afraid to come out. Shock.

The youth group leader decided that the Passion Week play they did every year needed a revamp. I had just done a production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat with them and helped do staging and re-writes to make it work for the cast.

So this nice nun asked me.

As relevant backstory, my grandparents had enrolled me in CCD classes when I was in middle school, hoping that maybe I’d turn out Catholic somehow. I got kicked out for asking questions that were too complicated for the teachers.

Apparently, everyone in this parish had forgotten that I was the kid who wanted to debate the Arian heresy at age 12, as the nature of Christ’s divinity seemed a reasonable topic of inquiry to me.

Like I said, first mistake.

So here I am, 16 or so, and I’m told: write a series of monologues from the perspective of different characters present for the Passion of Jesus: Pilate, the Virgin Mary, John the beloved Disciple, Mary Magdalene, Longinus, Peter, the thieves at the crucifixion, and Judas.

Now, mind you, I was really into Jesus Christ Superstar at the time. And I was voraciously reading Gnostic Gospels, Biblical archaeology, all kinds of stuff. This is not going to produce a good Catholic script.

So I ask the nice nun if there’s any guidelines I should adhere to?

Read: how much freedom of interpretation do I have?

She tells me, “Just write something really engaging. Make them feel like people you can understand. You’re a good writer, I’m sure you’ll think of something.

Mistake number two.

Well, I was entirely chuffed. I was 16, I liked having my ego flattered. So I went to work.

I went to the library, I read all kinds of sources and gospels that didn’t make it into the canon. I read all kinds of texts. I read the Gospel of Thomas. I read Josephus.

And then I started writing.

Pilate was a monster who was all too happy to execute a Jewish rebel who represented a threat to Rome because Roman authority had to be absolute in order to repress the zealots to revolt against Caesar.

The Virgin Mary was co-suffering with her son, vicariously experiencing the pain of crucifixion only without the release of death. She was a living martyr, redeeming the world through suffering in it, not leaving it.

John was in love with Jesus. Full-out romantically in love with Jesus. Want to kiss his wounds and let the spirit transcend the flesh that had betrayed them all.

Mary Magdalene was a converted priestess of Ishtar who was the sacred vessel carrying the faith in Christ’s resurrection, unwilling to flee from the cross or the tomb, because she was an embodiment of the Divine Feminine, unafraid of death.

And then there was Judas.

I had to make the greatest traitor in Western literary canon, up there with Cassius and Brutus, into someone human. Relatable. Understandable.

That’s what the nice nun wanted.

Mistake number three.

I wrote Judas chosen by God to betray Christ as a part of the great work of salvation. That Judas, like Mary, had accepted God’s commission to participate in the mission of Jesus. Because without Judas’s betrayal, Christ would not be crucified.

Judas created salvation with a kiss.

I took a little bit from Jesus Christ Superstar – it ended with Judas unable to cope with what God had asked of him and thus killing himself, trusting that God would redeem him into Heaven for doing the terrible thing God had asked out of him.

And inadvertently, I wrote a Passion Play that culminated with the death of Judas making salvation possible through sacred betrayal.

Whoops?

I’d read something like this somewhere in my research and it had stuck with me.

What I’d read was a 3rd century heresy that saw Judas as a sacred agent of God, destined to make Jesus’ sacrificial death on the cross possible.

And nobody noticed.

Well, the nice nun was DELIGHTED. It was the most engaging Passion Play she’d ever read! It was so original!

We went right into rehearsal. Nobody mentioned the changes to the parish priest.

The guy playing Judas was amazing. He was holy madness and despair onstage. We orchestrated it so well, used lighting and music to make it dramatic – we put John 19:41 from JCS behind his monologue.

You know. The music behind Jesus’ crucifixion.

There were three performances. One on the Saturday before Holy Week, one on Good Friday, and one on Holy Saturday. They were PACKED.

People were raving about it. Nobody had ever seen such a good Passion Play!

People from other churches showed up. Another church asked me to write a Passion Play for them, just a little less Catholic, please?

Nobody mentioned the Gnostic heresy of Judas being the ultimate saviour by offering up Christ to the cross.

I wrote another one! I was getting good at this!

Mary Magdelene was the first Evangelist! She understood Judas’ mission and stood watch at his suicide and at the cross alike!

Another church wanted that version! People wanted to have Passion Plays outside of Easter Week!

I was spreading Gnostic heresies across the entire county and nobody seemed to notice.

Whoops?

Well, it got a little too popular.

The nice nun got a letter from the archbishop asking why she was allowing the youth group to perform heresy for the entire parish and did she know another parish wanted to do it?

My grandparents and the parish priest called me into his office and asked me to explain how I’d written this play.

In other words: did I know I was spreading heresy?

“I just wanted to make it make sense why someone would betray someone they live and think is God. If God has to die to save humanity, and that death had to be the crucifixion, then why wasn’t making that happen a holy act?

Sister said to make it understandable!”

This was when I was told, very firmly, that my Passion Play needed to be re-written for next year.

They had someone from the archdiocese send me a list of heresies I’d written and had to correct.

Whoops?

I said that I stood by my work and that other churches liked it. And I had sources!

That was when I was told, very firmly, not to come back to youth group.

When the Passion Play was staged next year at the parish, it FLOPPED.

Everyone was calling the pastor wanting to know what happened to the Good Version From Last Year?

A bunch of people went to the Methodist church that staged my Protestant version.

The priest had to send out a letter telling people not to go to any of my Passion Plays because they were heresy and would endanger their immortal souls.

That was when my grandparents stopped hoping I’d become a Catholic.

Honestly, I think they were relieved when I formally converted to Judaism. I couldn’t infect any more parishes with artistically compelling Gnostic heresies.

So the moral of the story:

Don’t ask a mostly Jewish kid more fluent in Biblical studies than you at age 16 to write a compelling, relatable Passion Play.

You will end up with Gnostics in your parish and Catholic authorities really don’t like that, surprisingly.]

Shared before, but this version has descriptions.

When in doubt, make with the heresy.

As someone raised Catholic who also had a tendency to know a bit too much about the stuff we were supposed to be learning in CCD and Confirmation Class…MMMMM, that’s some good heresy.

And yes, I agree that Judas really only makes sense if you accept that it was his Holy Mission to “betray” Jesus. The thirty pieces of silver was not a whole lot of money, especially given that Judas was the group treasurer and could’ve just scarpered with the donation box if he was motivated by greed.

@albaharu @naynayasd I think you’re gonna like this

Big shout out to the coalition of Catholic nuns who just told the US bishops to stop being transphobic.

“As members of the body of Christ, we cannot be whole without the full inclusion of transgender, nonbinary, and gender-expansive individuals,” the letter reads. It goes on to argue that “we will remain oppressors until we — as vowed Catholic religious — acknowledge the existence of LGBTQ+ people in our own congregations. We seek to cultivate a faith community where all, especially our transgender, nonbinary, and gender-expansive siblings, experience a deep belonging.”

The letter also states transgender people are “experiencing harm and erasure” in various ways, listing daily discrimination, a groundswell of state-level legislation aimed at LGBTQ rights and “harmful rhetoric from some Christian institutions and their leaders, including the Catholic Church.”

Read about it here

Happy Easter Sunday!

[ID: a screenshot of the header of an article from The Washington Post, titled "In letter, thousands of Catholic nuns declare trans people 'beloved and cherished by God'. The letter follows a recent statement from U.S. catholic bishops discouraging catholic health-care groups from performing various gender-affirming procedures." by Jack Jenkins, March 31, 2023 at 12:14 p.m. EDT

Underneath is a picture of a group of nuns, their backs to the camera. /end ID].

The poem is called the hadran alach and it's breathtaking. It's traditionally recited when you finish a tractate of Talmud, but some people say it for other books too.

it goes:

We will return to you, Tractate _ [fill in the name of the tractate], and you will return to us; our mind is on you, Tractate , and your mind is on us; we will not forget you, Tractate ___, and you will not forget us – not in this world and not in the next world. May it be Your will, our G-d, and the G-d of our fathers, that we should be loyal to Your Torah in this world, and it should be with us in the next world.

[alt text: tweet from maimonides nutz that that reads "The beautiful Jewish thing I learned today is that when we celebrate finishing a book we promise it that we will return to read it again."]

new gay jesus poem dropped

[image description: photograph of men lined up praying. they are kneeling and bent over with their heads touching the ground. there is a young boy lying on top of one of the men. he is sprawled across the man's back with one arm hanging down. the man does not seem to have taken notice of this. end image description.]

hey there LGBTQ kids who are also Christian/Jewish! If you feel like you’re disobeying God, questioning your faith, or feel wrong and dirty for loving who you love, there’s this fantastic site I found today called hoperemains that accurately and thoroughly combs through scripture and its (many) mistranslations, validates your orientation, and basically let’s you know that you’re not pissing off God. It’s insanely thorough and after reading through every page on the entire site it’s super helpful. Go check it out!

No no no! Jewish LGBTQ kinderlach! Go to Keshet! 

hoperemains is completely from a Christian perspective, and not pluralistic or interfaith at all.

If you reblogged the first post from me please reblog this amendment so the Jewish peeps can access this resource too! 

Trans Jewish kids, you can go to TransTorah as well!

Muslim LGBTQ kids, you can go to iamnotharaam! It’s run by a mod squad of different genders and orientations, and they take submissions from everybody!

–BB

Say it LOUDER!!!!

im not christian, but i have encountered so many transphobic christians that actually hearing someone in a position of authority in their religion actively support trans people makes me feel like maybe there is hope

More leaders in the traditionalist branches/denominations/etc. need to speak out like this. When compassion, kindness and love lead both beliefs and actions, then lives are valued, saved, and cherished. And if that's not the point, then what is? What righteousness can there ever be in cruelty? Whose pocket does it pick, whose leg does it break to simply be kind? If not now, when?

how many costumes does this guy have

Everybody say a silent prayer for me as I smash the head of baby Jesus clean off this statue in the name of art.

I just cannot for the life of me figure out how to snap this kid's neck without breaking his mom, but giving him a new, cooler head is vital to my vision and it simply gotta go.

So the thing about that is, I gave up and crushed it with a wrench and the shards flew all over the place.

Just like in the Bible.

Massive hater alert from the graven images fandom.

Anyway,

Oh, Deer Lord.

[ID 1: a screenshot of a tag: what are you gonna do with Jesus' head.

ID 2-3: two screenshots of several tags: blasphemy. Heresy. Art? Tw blasphemy.

ID 4: a picture of a statue of Holy Mary, holding baby Jesus. Jesus' head got replaced by a baby deer's head. Mary also now has antlers. /end ID].