go to war with the pigment you have

Just had my first solo drive and I'd like to report:

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

the car is home now and I am fully the owner of it, insurance and roadside assist and all. my best friend is coming over today for the inaugural drive and I'm so nervous I could pass out.

Taco Bell will be worth it.

Now that I have gained license the time has come to get a car. After perusing various websites with my mechanic father, we settled on a car about two hours away and went to test drive it yesterday.

When we got there the battery was flat. An ill omen of things to come. The owner of the car charged it off a portable little kit while we went to find a coffee.

Dad's ute broke down halfway to the coffee place.

I tapered off on providing updates because it was just more of the same, but I have a learning to drive update today!

the update is that I passed my test and I can now drive on my own, which is the most terrifying thing I can possibly imagine.

it's been a bit of a shit week. I missed a couple days of writing for the first time in about three weeks out of sheer tiredness, which means I'm adjusting my goals to an average of 1500 words/day this month rather than just 1500 words/day, and I'll be playing catch-up for a while.

learning to drive also continues, but I had a rough lesson in a new neighbourhood today, along with some highway driving which I haven't done much of. I'm chalking my regressive shittiness up to those nerves, but it's something I need to overcome because I'm going to be driving on my own in new places eventually and I need to not be a menace on the roads. unfortunately my instructor is going to be away for all of July, so I have yet more regression after not driving to look forward to in August. I was hoping I'd get this driving thing done and dusted by my birthday, but oh well. I've got time.

overall this week has just made me glad that I'm old. it used to be that a shit week was 'ah, the suicidal ideation has come back' or 'ah, A Crisis has occurred', but now I have much more of a spectrum for general crummyness, which I am thankful for. I've worked hard to build up a life that can absorb some general crummyness and: it's working! things will be back to normal in no time, and I can get there through my own efforts.

today's new driving lesson experience: driving in one of the three days of rain that Brisbane receives*.

I'm starting to freak out less about cars behind me, which is paradoxically making me less afraid of going the speed limit. I'm also getting less paranoid about taking bends at a speed higher than 'crawling', although the wet had me re-paranoid about it. I'm also getting better about judging when it's safe to go, although I missed one right turn opportunity that was a bit glaring :(

I was able to chat more with the instructor in general, which I feel is a good sign. we talked about what I'd need to do to be test-ready, which is unfortunately practicing manoeuvres. we also talked about which test centre to test at and apparently the testing centre nearest me is notorious for being worst in the state. I have no idea if he was just gassing me up, but he was very insistent that he'd be happy with me doing the test tomorrow, my worst sins are just giving way too much and going too slow sometimes. I'm glad I still have a gajillion lessons booked though, this is stuff that will come with time :v

learning to drive as a teen was a frustrating and sometimes terrifying and often tearful experience. all in all, I'm glad to be coming to it again as an adult. it turns out that all those years building resilience have actually been good for something other than crises!

*(unless it's a flood year)

driving lesson #3 had (I promise not to post about all of them but this one was Different). he had to reschedule so we went night driving through some hilly and narrow parked-in areas before opening up to the backroads near a mountain.

"I know you only brought me here because I said I hate parked-in lanes, so I figured I should let you know now that I can't stand wide lanes with high speed limits," got a laugh.

I did not achieve the speed limit often, but I had good speed and judgement around the bends of the windy mountain path. the headlights did not freak out or dazzle me the way I remembered them doing in my youth.

I still hate everything about street parking and cars being close to the road but I'm getting a better feel for the car's boundaries. I had a real confidence knock after the last lesson so it was good to have this lesson go well. overall learning to drive 2k24 rating: hopeful.

second driving lesson had, much scarier because it was on a lot of narrow roads with parked cars and my adhd comes with a side of 'difficult spatial awareness'. I did another three point turn and cowarded out of doing a reverse parallel park. I am, I would say, Daunted by the prospect now of how long it's going to take me to become a Good Driver, especially because I was a Fine Driver when I was a kid learning the first time, but here is the point where I have already booked future lessons so I'm going to have to suck up Being Bad At Something for a while.

I think I deserve pizza.