Six and six is twelve, too long A decade lost, a decade gone Searching for something that will never come A place for me, a place to be

I get thoughts stuck in my head. For daysweeksmonthsyears. When I get down, the thought runs around. It loops ad infinitum and I can’t shake it. No matter what I do, it’s always there. Sometimes it changes, but it’s all of the same vein. 

The current one is “not everyone gets to be happy”. It’s meant to chide, to remind me that I’m a fool to try. That no matter what I do, the end result will always be the same. That no matter how much I want or how hard I try, I am designed for pain. 

I try to write it down, hoping that it’ll flow from my mind. Hoping that once it moves from fingertip to paper, it’ll be stuck there instead. And it may work for a time, if I find the right way to say it. But then something will happen and it’s all I can hear again. 

Scary

I want to be... whole But I don't know how to Fix what is broken Put back what was taken There are holes I can't fill And it's all scary

I know you can't make me whole But when I'm with you I feel hope That maybe with a little support I can figure this shit out

I'm not asking you to fix it for me I just want you by my side Holding my hand, telling me it'll be okay When it all gets to be too much Because when you're around It's not all that scary