Fangirling and Writer-Nerd Chaos

Harlivy post… gay women are real and doing lots of eco terrorizing ,, kissing other ladies and womanoids tenderly,, holding hands and crushing skulls, daintily

"In hindsight, I might have gone a little dark on that last one."

I relish the idea of Harley Quinn, licensed therapist, figuring out how much damage supervillains are doing to Batman’s psyche and just. Going, “fuck it, I’m your nemesis now.”

Like she offs the Joker and then starts taking control of the Gotham underworld but like. Shifts it away from creepy serial killer shit towards 1966-era silly crimes. So like Bruce is walking into Riddler’s latest plot expecting him to be like “answer my riddles correctly or I’ll kill a hostage every hour!” except that it turns out that no, Nygma is just stealing pudding because it’s St. Patrick’s Day special and it’s colored green.

Harley’ll be like “I’ve TAKEN OVER GOTHAM, B-man, and you’ll have to work your HARDEST to stop me!” except all she’s done is hire a bunch of clown flash mobs to dance YMCA inside various police stations so Bruce just gets a little light exercise. Sometimes she breaks into the Batcave but there’s never any danger in it because she just wants to have tea. There’s no worry about any of his children getting traumatized because if she sees any of them are having problems she immediately stops her schemes for an impromptu therapy session

batman: what’s the situation?

commissioner gordon: Harley and Ivy have hijacked an AM radio station and taken the employees hostage

batman: what are their demands?

commissioner gordon: they haven’t issued any. they, uh.

batman:

[commisioner gordon turns on the radio]

harley: —you gotta walk away, sweetie. His family sounds completely toxic, if not outright emotionally abusive, and he’s too enmeshed to see it.

caller: no, you’re right. you’re right. I gotta do it.

harley: you got this, honey. now, stay on the line a minute, I’m writing down some the names of some books for you and you can get those from Ivy after we’re done. okay! our next caller —

[commisioner gordon turns off the radio]

batman: what station is this?

commisioner gordon: WGTM.

batman: the one that rebroadcasts rush limbaugh?

commissioner gordon:

batman:

commisioner gordon: you know what, i probably didn’t need to call you for this.

I WOULD PAY MONEY FOR RADIO SHRINK HARLEY OKAY? I WOULD CALL RADIO SHRINK HARLEY OKAY?

“alright, babe, one more reminder that my license was revoked which means i have to tell you this as your friend and not as a mental health professional: you have two options here. one of them is safe, legal, and healthy, and will have lasting long term benefits. the other one is fun.”

reblogging for this extremely accurate addition.

Ivy’s segment is where people call in to ask why their succulent is dying and she yells at them for watering it too much.

oh, VERY good

A few weeks in Selina gets dragged into it, and starts offering advice on caring for cats with special dietary needs and stuff. It inevitably turns into Jackson-Galaxy-esque explinations.

"My cat keeps attacking my feet."

"How often do you play with him?"

"Not as much as I should, but he has a basket of toys right there where he can reach it."

"He wants to play with you. Grab a teaser toy or a laser pointer and go nuts. He'll wear himself out in about fifteen minutes and you can go back to work."

great, now i actively want someone to start a podcast that’s just in-character episodes of batman villain radio shows

Almost late for pride month but I really wanted to draw some of my fave gal pals ♥ 🌱

Harley Quinn who recently kidnapped Bruce Wayne and texted Scarecrow to meet her: "Alright Brucie Boy, you're probably wondering why I kidnapped you, and don't worry! It's not for anything "villainous" or the like. You might not remember it but I remember me and you being in med school together along with Crane and I thought we could form a club since we never got to start one in school since you dipped in the middle of the year!"

Scarecrow who just walked in: "That's seriously why we're here? I thought you needed my help. You said it was urgent."

Harley holding up a tote bag: "It is urgent! I made t-shirts and I need to know if they fit!"

Bruce who honestly just wanted a nap: "Let's just see the shirts Quinzel."

Scarecrow: You're actually going along with this!?"

Bruce raising a brow and looking down at the rooes that are binding him to a chair: "I don't have much of a choice..."

Scarecrow: "...Fair point. Okay Harley show us the shirts."

Harley pulls out a crop top shirt proudly, it's half red, half black that has 'OFFICIAL FUCK FREUD CLUB' on the chest: "I got em personalized! Bruce gets a black turtleneck because he was the soft goth boy in med school and he's still a little goth baby. John you get a flannel that has the sayin' on the back! Aren't they cute?"

Bruce remembering how much he hated Freud and having to listen to his methods and ideas in school, and how he, Harley, and John would shit talk him in their study group: "Okay I actually love this idea and the shirts."

Scarecrow trying to hide how touched he is: "You got me flannel?"

Scarecrow, after 3 hours of group bitching: I still cant believe you're willing to do this- Harleen and I are Super Villains now!

Bruce, having been untied and drinking the Irish coffee Harly brought out: A) I have never had any sense of self preservation-

Harley: Which we remember vividly!

Bruce: -and B) I run a multimillion dollar company while having at least 5 kids; you dont know how much chaos I have to put up with on a daily basis. This is a vacation by comparison.

Harley: Wait - what do you mean by "at least" 5 kids???

Bruce: I do not adopt these children. They adopt me.

Harley: Okay you have to be bullshitting me.

Bruce: One day a blonde one named Stephanie just showed up at my house with my middle child saying they were dating, they broke up like a month later but she hasn’t left yet.

Harley: ...honey I’m pretty sure that’s a home invasion-

Bruce: I mean my butler did give her a room and I offered to adopt her, but she refused that...however she’s still there and stealing my coffee every week so I don’t know.

Harley: ...why-

Bruce: Her Father’s Cluemaster.

Harley: Oh FUCK that guy. Yeah, give that poor sweetie some hugs and a college education, stat.

Harley: *pulls out a massive fucking psychology textbook*

Harley: In the meantime let’s talk about your rampant abandonment issues and repressed desire for a family!

Bruce: Oh christ not again.

Scarecrow: Finally! Time to get to the fun part!

Harley knows full well that Bruce is Batman but enjoys the game too much to ruin it by saying anything out loud.

Scarecrow still has no idea, and does not notice the striking similarity between the array of orphans at Wayne Manor and the costumed children running around the city with weapons every night.

Meanwhile, I’m over here in the corner, wondering why a bunch of random Tumblrites are writing better Bruce Wayne stories better than anything since Dini...

'cause neither understanding of a franchise and its characters nor creative talent is bestowed by a paycheck, nor are they the first things IP owners look for when they need someone new to come on board.

harley rolling up to the wayne manor is her bedazzled heeleys: omg brucie you’ll NEVER guess what happened—oh are you busy?

bruce laying in the grass as his kids spray him with a hose from ten feet away: no go on I’m listening

harley laying down next to him: alright cool SO!

bruce rolling up to her apartment in a rolls royce and bedazzled sunglasses just straight up honking until she comes outside: harley, you wouldn’t believe what lex luthor wore to the board meeting this time

harley in matching sunglasses:  o my god, not the blue prada sw-

bruce nodding his head: the fucking prada sweats

#i don't like batman the comics or batman the movie#i like batman the tumblr experience#*tumblr voice* i take a hammer and FIX the toxic masculinity

My new 1830′s Harley Quinn print that I made for Lightbox, and of course completely forgot to share until the last day. Or, well, in this case, until the con was actually over. I love her regardless.

like on the one hand I realize every detail in a big budget movie like those produced by DC Comics is probably rigorously run through a panel of experts and six focus groups for maximum audience appeal and it’s all entirely manufactured, but like… damn if Harley’s new outfit for Birds of Prey doesn’t just SCREAM “I just left a terrible relationship and I don’t intend to care what any man thinks of me ever again, I’m tacky and loud and weird and if my ex even breathes in my direction I will beat him to death with a bat”

like yes it’s obviously manufactured quirky female independence™ but at least they got the vibe right, she looks 2 seconds away from getting trashed at pride and making out with Ivy

look at her. someone in the costume department knows how disaster bisexuals work. 

Harley is a gift from God.

This is why Harley is like my all time favorite!

Why did they leave out the best part of this scene?;

The character development of Harley is probably one of the better things DC has done with their characters.

That last line :((((

There is more:

The fact that she actually had a plausible reason for the muzzle makes this even better.

HARLEY AND IVY WILL BE GAY IN GOTHAM CITY SIRENS