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#suicide mention – @flyingfish1 on Tumblr
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something bordering on weird

@flyingfish1 / flyingfish1.tumblr.com

Fangirl. Fan of fandom. Recovering lurker. Introvert. She/her. Multifandom blog. SPN, Black Sails, OFMD, Good Omens, etc. Also contains sporadic meta, stuff about writing, recipes, and cats.
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hgedits

You make the crew a little bit uncomfortable sometimes, they think you're crazy!

Ok, I love this scene. It says a lot about what this crew has been thinking. Ed's been overworking them with constant raids for months. He's drinking. He's doing drugs. He's taking more of Izzy's toes. He shot Izzy in the leg. They had mutinied on Izzy in like a day.

And yet with Ed they've just sort of been... waiting, hoping that he'll get better. Because they know Ed. Fang's known him for a long time. And they know he's not usually like this. Know that he's not doing ok. But maybe if they give him more time he'll get better?

Yeah, people saying "it doesn't make sense that the crew is just suddenly ok with Ed again" or worse "but they don't love him tho what was Izzy talking about" clearly missed that they KNOW he's not doing ok. They think he could get better, even at the peak of his Kraken Spiral. Even after he's shot Izzy, they're hopeful that maybe he's gotten it out of his system and he'll be ok again.

And then after Stede is back and they see that Ed IS doing better now (he's calm! He stopped doing drugs! He's fixing stuff and doesn't want to be captain!) they find out that they were right to see his Kraken Spiral as a particularly bad mental health episode rather than some kind of "true self" or whatever. So of course they accept him again. They aren't cruel, they won't hold the actions of a very unwell man against him forever even after he's gotten better.

Yes. That doesn't mean that this whole ordeal wasn't traumatic for them. But they all heard his relieved 'finally' when they were standing over him about to kill him. If they didn't realize before, they realized then that he was acting that way to try to get himself killed.

They did what they had to do to keep him from getting them all killed but they felt so guilty about it. They were trying to scrub his blood off the deck Lady Macbeth style. So they were never going to hold it against him for too long after he did get better. What good would that do for any of them? It wasn't going to make them feel better to continue being angry at Ed for being suicidal.

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Heads up AO3 authors:

I received a slew of comments across multiple fics this afternoon from an ao3 user called “Destielisawesome.” The user has since deleted their account, but all of the messages are of the “kill yourself you disgusting pedophile *string of racial slurs*” variety.

So, abusive hate.

If you received any comments from this user this afternoon, be aware that you may be confronted by this garbage if you open the messages. I reported them, but since the user deleted their account, I don’t know there’s any actual recourse to be had, though. I just wanted to warn folks so nobody else has to see that sort of garbage in their inbox.

ETA: Since I only really check comments like once a month, I decided to go through some more, and found similar hateful messages from the last few days under a number of other names:

ACABDEAN, SNEED420, Chuckfeedandseed, sneedandfeedformalychucks

There may be more, but I’ve seen enough bad copypasta for today. I’ll update this post if I find more. In the meantime, just be aware of these accounts.

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I’ve been seeing a lot of Good Omens (TV) meta about Aziraphale’s assumption that Crowley wants the holy water for himself as a suicide pill instead of as a weapon. So here’s my take on why Aziraphale jumps to that conclusion:

In 6000 years, Crowley has never been a killer. Not directly. 

Sure, he’s done things that led to people dying indirectly, but he’s always been a few steps removed, and he very clearly puts the actually fatal choices in other people’s hands, usually as a direct result of their own actions and associations: When he drops a bomb on the Nazis in the church, he gives them ample warning to run away. They don’t listen and continue instead to threaten Aziraphale, leading to their deaths at the hands of their own side’s bombs

When it comes to the opportunity to kill people a bit more directly, however, such as changing all the paintball guns to real guns in the former convent, Crowley ensures that there are no actual fatalities. Part of this is also Crowley’s aversion to killing innocents – These people have some bad impulses, but aren’t actually evil, and thus don’t really deserve to die. Similarly, he balks at the idea of innocents – children specifically – being wiped out by the flood. (And in the book, when he finds out what’s going on with the Spanish Inquisition after being given a commendation for it simply for being in the area at the time, he gets so upset he goes and gets drunk for a solid straight week). 

So in all this time, Aziraphale hasn’t seen Crowley as someone who would personally and directly annihilate anyone else. It doesn’t occur to him that Crowley has it in him. Leading him to the conclusion that if Crowley wants holy water, it’s for his own escape, not as a tool to destroy others – not because he especially thinks Crowley wants to kill himself, but because it’s so hard to imagine him ruthlessly killing others

And curiously, even when Crowley DOES use the holy water, he doesn’t actually put it in the plant mister where he can pull the trigger with his own hands; he puts it all in a booby trap that Hastur and Ligur trigger themselves when they make the choice to go after Crowley. Once again, Crowley sets things up so that others are destroyed by the choices they make in pursuing their own wicked impulses when presented with the opportunity; it’s how he always operates. Temptation, Free Will, and the opportunity for choice between Good and Evil, since The Beginning™.

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Anonymous asked:

so, I saw many people who think that the ending in Billie's book is suicide? But I kinda felt like, there was no ending. The only other option is for Dean to not die, to keep Michael locked up forever. What do you think is the ending?

Eh, the billion dollar question. Which, thanks for sending because I’ve just been so overwhelmed with feels that I have simply given up on making something coherent out of it.

Let me make a little detour first and say how the show is making explicit some things that we were saying but have been made textual now - cosmic consequences doesn’t mean something neat and clearly visible as the direct consequence of a particular action. It’s a ripple effect, a butterfly effect. Playing with the castle of cards that the universe is… you end up rewriting fate. That’s what Billie keeps saying. To the people who accuse the show of belittling Billie because she warns the Winchesters that Terrible Things™ are coming if they do certain things, but then they do the things and Terrible Things™ don’t happen - this is the answer. There are no “obvious” Terrible Things™ coming, it’s the fabric of fate being changed in ways that Billie can see, but that the other characters - and us - can’t unless Billie tells them (and us).

In an episode where Michael discusses about God being a writer, of course (in a classic Dabb era move, I mean) eventually we come to see where the story is really being written. Just like Anubis said that God doesn’t decide whether a person goes to hell or heaven, but the person themselves decides with their actions – so the story of the world is not being written by God. There was a script, but it was revealed that following it was a choice (that Team Free Will rejected). There are, obviously, guidelines. But it’s fundamentally choices made by people that write the story. Billie had already shown us that there are many, many possible ways a person’s story can go, and now we learn explicitly that a person’s entire array of fate possibilities can be even rewritten, if that person messes up with the order of the cosmos enough.

Michael, the dark Dean double, says that God can be killed, and that he’ll destroy his “draft worlds” because he can. This is basically the dark equivalent of what Dean does - Dean, who metaphorically destroys God’s scripts, who metaphorically “kill gods”. Dean “Free Will” Winchester can destroy the stories who have been written so far, he can kill God, he can shape his own destiny and the destiny of the cosmos. Of course, right now things are probably going to take a difficult turn because this is Supernatural, but the point is that Dean does what Michael claims for himself - he “destroys worlds-stories” and “kills God” in this sense.

Now, I don’t know what the book Billie shows Dean says, and I’m not particularly interested in making speculations about it because we just don’t know, but what really interests me is Billie’s behavior in this episode.

She breaks the rules. She intervenes, she sends Sam, Cas, Jack and the Michael+Dean package to the bunker so Cas and Sam can enter Dean’s mind, return Dean to the control room of his body, and stuff Michael away for the time being. 

Sam said that one of your reapers really came through with the assist. I’m thinking that was probably you.Don’t tell anyone.You broke the rules.I took a calculated risk.

She is interested in the world not being destroyed, and she is making an investment in Dean in the perspective of Dean possibly choosing that one path that doesn’t end with Michael destroying the world. Of course, she is not going to force Dean to choose, she is not going to arrange things in a way that Dean cannot but go in that direction. She is leaving him the fundamental choice. That’s up to you. But breaking the hands-off rule, letting Dean read out of a book from her office - that’s a big move. I’m supposing that Death revealing about the books back about Sam and Rowena wasn’t exactly orthodox already, but now she has handed a book to Dean, which I’m sure is just as unorthodox and the various other adventures Dean has had with Death.

*sound of the millions of Death Dean/Reaper Dean meta-spec written along the course of the show crying of emotion in the distance*

(Consider also Michael basically saying he plans to kill God - the original Death said he was going to reap God, and Michael is a mirror for Dean in this narrative; and now Billie basically puts Dean in a narrative position where he’s framed as Death, because reading those books, holding those books, is what Death does: Dean is consistently shown across the show as on equal footing with reapers and Death, and literally (s6) or metaphorically in their shoes.)

Billie is taking a big “calculated risk” in putting this much… responsibility? trust? in Dean, and I might add that she’s acknowledging Dean not really as an equal - obviously they’re not the same thing - but on an equal footing of sorts when it comes to this situation.

But no, I really don’t know what the book might say.

What are the alternatives to Michael running loose? Either keeping him locked up forever (a), or destroying him (b).

The former is… impossible, or just not really worth investing on. Even if Dean arranged some kind of send-me-to-outer-space-to-be-a-lock-forever situation - oh, wait, that has never worked. The Cage God built is not a very solid solution - Lucifer got out twice, Michael is still there but another Michael showed up, so, really, the purpose of it is basically bypassed. Basically, you lock one Michael up, another one takes his place on the cosmic chessboard, you know? I feel confident in saying locking up Michael doesn’t work.

In fact, locking up your problems doesn’t work. It’s not a coincidence that in this episode Michael mentions God: locking up things is God’s specialty. And it doesn’t work. The Cage is like Swiss cheese. Amara, the ultimate problem he locked up to get rid of, also escaped and almost killed God if it weren’t for Dean’s intervention. In this episode, there are several attempts to lock things up that don’t work in a way or another: in the hotel, they need to be teleported away because the door wasn’t going to hold; the shapeshifter pretending to be a hunter doesn’t lock the bunker… rule of three, the third locking up, Michael’s, succeeds for the time being, but we can’t expect it to last forever.

Unless Dean manages to find a way to mute Michael, to lock him up to well he doesn’t make any noise, literally and figuratively. But… well, no. For the simple extradiegetic reason that we can’t have Dean get to the end the show with Michael just locked inside and that’s it. In-story, it just doesn’t seem like a sustainable solution. And knowing that Dean has a neutralized archangel inside of him in a fridge? Not exactly the prettiest scenario.

Also, it’s probably early to really make statements about this, but all of this Michael, Michael vs God, Dean vs Michael situation is all a mirror for Dean’s dynamic with John, and we know something huge regarding Dean and John is coming, so… whatever the solution to the Michael problem is going to be, it’s going to be a mirror to whatever the resolution of Dean’s John-related trauma is going to be like. Stuffing the problem inside of you forever is not a solution to trauma, and it can’t be a solution to Michael.

And now we get to (b). And we have two possibilities: Dean manages to find a way to destroy Michael that allows him to live, or Dean destroys himself and Michael. But what does it mean to destroy an angel…? Well, we know what happens to dead angels. Is whatever the book says related to the Empty and the Shadow that rules it? That’s a possibility, and also a way the Michael/Dean storyline could merge with the Empty/Cas storyline, but I’m putting the carriage before the horses.

I really don’t like using the CW promo for the next episode to speculate on, because CW promos are notoriously not a reliable tool for speculation, and the Onwards trailer doesn’t seem to give anything away in this regard, so I’m not going to speculate on what Dean “acting strange” might be specifically an indicator of. (He’s planning to die soon? He’s attempting some kind of strategy like when he was trying to control the Mark of Cain? We just don’t know yet.)

This post has gotten long enough, so I’m ending it on with a note on Jensen’s acting. First of all: give this man all the prizes. He’s superb in every episode, but this episode allowed him to showcase his talents beautifully, both as Michael and as Dean.

In the final scene, Jensen initially plays Dean as half-heartedly trying to put on a façade of confidence in front of Billie - I think he’s purposely played it as Dean not really trying, because he does know there’s no point to it (I think he’s doing it more for himself than for Billie, if you get what I mean). The subtle horror when Billie says that ‘all the books’ end with Michael getting control, the wariness when she mentions an exception, the frown when he basically asks her silently if he can/should open it, the shock/surprise – I think then Dean’s expression reveals a sort of mixture of disorientation and understanding at the same time. He understands what what is written means - Billie doesn’t feel the need to explain more, after all - and that understanding leaves him lost and vulnerable. That’s eventually what Jensen plays - that almost childlike quality what Jensen gives Dean when he’s unguarded in his helplessness. It’s the way Jensen played Dean overwhelmed by the horror of losing his own sense of identity when he lost his memory under the witch’s spell…

Interestingly, he gives a quick glance to the book and he looks up at Billie wide-eyed and slack-mouthed, asking what he’s supposed to do with that knowledge - a sign that he’s understood the gist of what’s in the book - then he reads more and he seems to find some additional detail that further gets him shaken.

But then again, we just don’t know what’s in that book, so we just have to wait and see.

In the meanwhile I’m expecting the fandom to provide crack suggestions :3

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Anonymous asked:

1/2- This is the Cas-&-cosmic-consequences anon. I was commenting on your post about Eileen & Cas' parallels - Step 5 esp - about how I loved your post. And also I segued into an interview of SingerDabb by Fangasm SPN on youtube at 6.35 mark, and Seat42Fdotcom - I tried to verify what I heard but the latter's audio not so clear. Andrew said that the cosmic consequences that Billie talked about are starting to unfold as per the close-captioned.

2/2- My real question was, Do you think that in next season, Cas story arc will be further revolved around this cosmic consequences thing?

Well, it’s always tricky to makepredictions/guesses about a season that hasn’t even started airing yet, hehe,but I’ll give it a shot.

I hadn’t watched that interviewyet. Huh. Yeah, it sounds to me like the exchange goes like this:

Interviewer: Are Jack and thealternate universe the cosmic consequences Billie was talking about?Dabb: I think the cosmic consequences Billie was talking about are starting tounfold, yes.

How’s that for vague? :) Theinterviewer was asking about Jack and the AU world, and Dabb didn’t reallyconfirm it or deny it—but yeah, I do think the cosmic consequences arespecifically referring to Cas’ death, not anything else.

As for whether we’ll see it in s13? I don’t think it’ll be a huge thing. I think we’re seeing it nowwith Cas’ death and whatever that storyline develops into (exploring the Emptyof the Veil or whatever it is) but once he comes back to life, I think it’ll bewrapped up and he’ll move onto other things.

I’ve got a couple of different ways oflooking at this but, basically, it boils down to Mary and her resurrection, andthe ways that Cas’ s12 story intertwined with that.

Firstly, Cas killed Billie and brokerher deal with the Winchesters so that he could save Mary’s life and stop herfrom going back to Heaven/righting the “natural order of things.” I mean, Casdid it to save all three Winchesters but, at the precise moment that he killedBillie, Mary was the one in the most danger. She was the one who was about tokill herself. Billie had been following her for some time, trying to fix theimbalance created by her resurrection, and Cas stopped her from doing that. Thecosmic consequences are all wrapped up in that storyline.

Secondly, this “life for a life” thingis something that the show has done before, with Kevin and with Charlie. AWinchester lives when they shouldn’t, and somebody else dies in their place.Season twelve is the first time TPTB have put that directly into the storyitself and had the characters comment on it, but it’s happened before. It’sjust that it’s been… let’s say, “narrative consequences” as opposed toin-universe “cosmic consequences.”

Dean’s unhealthy need for Sam makeshim help Gadreel possess Sam, which puts Gadreel in perfect position to sneakup on Kevin, in the body of one of Kevin’s friends, when Kevin has his guarddown, and kill him. Basically, Kevin dies so that Sam can live. Kevin’s also amirror for Sam in a lot of ways—they’re “chosen,” they just want a normalcollege life, their girlfriends are killed by a demon. Kevin dies at about thesame time that Sam is fully healed.

And then Sam’s unhealthy need for Deanmakes him ignore all warnings and use the Book of the Damned to cure him, whichgets Charlie killed. Charlie’s a mirror for Dean in some ways—the nerdiness,the issues with her mother, the struggle with her dark side. Etc. She diesaround the same time that Dean’s cured. 

So now we have a similar situationwith Cas and Mary. Their stories mirror each other a lot. In 12x22, Maryresolves her resurrection plot by resolving her fears, and making peace withbeing alive again and belonging in the world. Then Cas dies in the nextepisode. The difference this time is that Mary’s resurrection wasn’t caused byanything negative—quite the opposite—it was a gift, and it happened becauseDean went through some great positive character development. I think that’s whyCas is going to be able to come back to life so soon. 

(Or maybe Dabb just wants to changethings up a bit, which would be nice, because, and I think I speak for a lot ofpeople, augh.)

Anyway, yeah, I think the Mary thing beingresolved in 12x22 means that the Cas/cosmic consequences thing is more or lessresolved as well. His death is the resolution. Whatever happens to him in theVeil/the Empty/wherever is just an extension of that one plot point, imo. And I’msure that there will be some other story events that happen as a result of hisdeath… people he meets, realizations he makes, that kind of thing... but that’s getting really far afield from the specific ~the universe is out to get you because you broke Billie’sdeal~ thing. I think that’ll be over and done pretty soon. Mary’s moved onto anotherplotline, and pretty soon Cas will too.

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“This sad, doomed little world,” says Cas.

I wondered about that line of dialogue when it first appeared in the promo, since it didn’t seem to match up with what we’d been seeing on screen. I now think it’s reflecting Cas’ own mental and emotional state. Because the world isn’t doomed at the moment (for once!). The world is in better shape right now, after the recent defeat of Lucifer, than it’s been in a long time. Amara’s gone. As far as we know, there are no supernatural Big Bads wreaking havoc. Just the run of the mill monsters and ghost and demons, and they’re manageable. All things considered, the world’s doing pretty well.

Cas seemingly not being able to see that is just one more window into his depression.

Remember the way Dean got in season seven?

DEAN: That's just great. This is stupid. Our quality of life is crap. We got Purgatory's least wanted everywhere, and we're on our third "The World's Screwed" issue in, what, three years? We've steered the bus away from the cliff twice already.
SAM: Someone's got to do it.
DEAN: What if the bus wants to go over the cliff?
SAM: You think the world wants to end?
DEAN: I think that if we didn't take its belt and all its pens away each year that, yeah, the whole enchilada woulda offed itself already.
BOBBY: I want to talk about your new party line… "The world's a suicide case. We save it, it just steals more pills"?
DEAN: Bobby, I'm here, okay? I'm on the case. What's the problem?
BOBBY: I've seen a lot of hunters live and die. You're starting to talk like one of the dead ones, Dean.
DEAN: No, I'm talking the way a person talks when they've had it, when they can't figure out why they used to think all this mattered.
-7x09

Dean was projecting his own depression onto the entire world. I’m wondering if Cas is doing the same thing. It wouldn’t be the first time his storyline has echoed Dean’s.

As if we needed another reason to be concerned about him...

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