Real love is when you’re both dumbasses

So what’s left is…

We’re Better Together

Just look at the way that –>

Cas is able to give Dean the strength to –>

straighten his back without –>

Cas ever even saying a word –>

i rewatched road trip (9x10) and my man dabb was already foreshadowing that cas would be asked to kill dean to prove to his army that he can be trusted (9x22, another dabb episode). 

in 9x10 metatron asks gadreel to kill a man (who turned out to be the vessel of a very close friend of gadreel, abner) to prove his loyalty. this dialogue between gadreel and abner is really enlightening:

gadreel kills abner, because he thinks working with metatron is what will bring him back to heaven and, ultimately, back to happiness.

(i also want to point out that abner calls gadreel his best friend, and before that thaddeus, the angel who tortured them, calls abner gadreel’s “boyfriend”) 

in 9x22 (because of metatron), cas is asked by hannah to punish dean.

of course, in the end cas doesn’t kill dean. he loses his army. but after all, happiness comes with a price. (i feel like this is still meaningful nowadays since, yknow, with talks of cosmic consequences and some characters risking their lives to save their best friends etc.) 

oh, i also find interesting that in 9x10 we get an angel (abner) who’s made himself a family, replacing his vessel (because he was an “abusive ass”) as a father and husband (i wonder where we’ve seen something similar happen recently…) 

(another thought: in 9x22 cas doesn’t kill dean, only to lose him in the next episode. in 12x10 dean doesn’t “kill” cas - when the price could be his own life -, but in 12x12………..?) 

(i dont think cas is gonna die… not permanently anyway)

NO BUT YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND

DEAN WAS AT HIS BREAKING POINT, ON THE VERGE OF TEARS, AND CAS MADE HIM SMILE

NO MATTER HOW BAD IT GETS CAS JUST KNOWS HOW TO FIX DEAN

Thoughts on 11x11 “Into the Mystic”: A Final Turning Point?

The reason I love Into the Mystic so much is because to me it feels like I finally got handed the tools to understand Dean’s recent edgy/antagonistic behavior in a way that makes me feel hopeful for what’s to come this season. Besides, there’s nothing I enjoy more than episodes involving Dean and this crazy little thing called love. 

Let me just preface this entire post by saying that, even if I am all *shakes fist* at TPTB and the way they won’t make a move into text where text is due, as far as I’m concerned, Cas is in love with Dean and Dean is… well, still a huge idiot with a shitload of issues that, put together, build a Great Wall of I-Don’t-Need-No-Love* around his heart which I’m sure can be seen from space as well (*handcrafted; a John Winchester Original).  But I’ll get into this a lot more throughout this post. 

First, I’d like to note that I think it’s important not to forget about Sam in all this. Because when there’s talk about Dean and love, there’s no way not to include Sam as he is a HUGE part of that issue as well. The thing is though that Dean’s relationship with Cas follows a very different path than the one he has with Sam especially in terms of ‘love and love’ -  he struggles with both, and immensely at that. I’m not gonna dive into the whole need vs. love vs. self-worth psychodrama of Dean’s psyche anymore as I feel like I’ve done that more than enough, but let’s just summarise and say that the fears and worries Dean has when it comes to loving and needing Sam are anchored in existential, self-worth-based fears that question his very identity as a human being (and as such shouldn’t be filed under ‘love’ at all). Whereas when it comes to loving and needing Cas, his fears are anchored in a notion of the unknown and a conviction of not being deserving of love based on the idea that he’s too weak to fight the killer he is inside. Naturally, his self-loathing and lack of self-worth are at the center of both issues and they often overlap in many ways, but the biggest difference lies in the nature of the relationship he shares with Sam and Cas, respectively. His idea of Sam is all tangled up in the past and incredibly out-dated whereas his idea of Cas is unknown territory but something that can only be explored in a future that’s yet to come. 

I have been waiting for an episode like this to air for two years now and I’m ecstatic that’s it’s finally here! Back then, one of the main points I made in my analysis of “Road Trip” (9x10) was this: Dean has lost himself and his purpose in life and what he wants and needs is freedom - same goes for all three of them really. Back then, I couldn’t wait to see how the writers would resolve it all (because clearly, they were heading toward a resolution of some sort, or so I thought). Hah. It’s two seasons later now and I feel like we only just got to the point where change is potentially happening. Finally. Finally. 

So in recent episodes, there was a lot of focus on how Sam is in the process of re-evaluating his relationship with Dean; as much as he can at least and even though he’s arriving at conclusions that I am not sure are all that ideal either, he seems to understand that they both have to change or at least come to an understanding about acceptance and the natural limits of living and brotherhood in order for this endless cycle of mutual (and global!) destruction to end. I have to say I like that approach - it has a lot of potential and I can even see Dean getting to point where he’s open to this sort of input. That is, as long as they (TPTB) make use of the ‘natural resources’ (so to speak) the show has, which brings me to Cas and the other love thing Dean has going on. 

First thing’s first - I think we’re all aware that there are a TON of little moments scattered throughout the past two seasons that all point to one thing: Dean wants to follow his heart, he wants something different, something more. And honestly, Dean’s behaviour - his body language especially - this season has been bugging me a little. I think it’s because I expected more warmth there, more friendship, more ‘Cas buddy I need you’, you know? Especially considering that this is the first time Dean’s been just Dean in almost two whole seasons. 

It started out great, actually. Remember the phonecall they shared in 11x01 and Cas’ incredible sigh of relief when he got the confirmation that Dean was okay? I mean look at this, wow: 

(I’m too lazy to gif; all the credit goes to @hallowedbecastiel and this gifset)

That’s one hell of a way to start the season and to (re-)define their status as two characters who have a long (albeit rocky) history together. I don’t want to dwell too much on MOC!Dean but I want to highlight two of the more recent encounters Dean’s had with Cas and the interpersonal information that was shared through those: 

1. the one where Cas gives up a whole army for one guy. Dean knew what that meant. He saw it in Cas’ eyes. He understood, perhaps for the first time, just how much he actually means to Cas. I’m convinced that this is part of the reason why Dean’s feels confident enough to say “The people who love me, they pulled me back from that edge” in 10x07 (Girls, Girls, Girls). 

2. the one a year later when Cas basically tells him that he would never abandon him, no matter what, even if it means watching him murder the world. At that point, Dean was way past the point of being able to fight the Mark’s poison (or in other words, to fight Amara’s cry for freedom). However, his memory is still intact now that the Mark’s gone. And wow, what a freaking gut punch it must have been - more like a ‘did somebody just rip my head off and heart out’ - to remember those words, to remember how much Cas cares for him. And to remember what he did to him. How close he came to killing him.

Keep reading

The last time they saw each other as themselves. And the first time again.

insp

It just struck me how long it’s been since both of them have been themselves around each other. It’s been over a season since Dean has been truly “Dean” as Cas knows him.

Oh god; it just hit me how Cas was watching Dean die for a season and a half from what was regularly framed as a terminal illness, and that somewhere between the moment Cas learned Dean had taken the Mark and 10x22 Cas made the decision to stick with Dean through it all. (The whole idea of not wanting to leave a doomed love to die alone also reminds me vividly of that time Rose jumped out of the lifeboat. Also, perhaps inappropriately, of spouses who stay beside and care for their ailing, elderly partners, even when their partners no longer remember them due to dementia.) Argh. No wonder he was so relieved when Dean told him on the phone that the Mark was gone; it was like having the Dean he fell in love with back from the grave. (For the second time, actually! Like, Metatron straight-up killed Dean and mocked Cas about it.)

Caaaas. I’m just gonna full-on hijack this post and talk my sudden onslaught of feelings out for a minute. I dare someone to watch Cas’ choices and the way Cas acts around Dean and tell me that Cas isn’t completely, totally devoted to Dean. Like, I dare them. Dean’s side of things aside, there is no. good. reason. to read Cas as anything other than loving Dean wholly and purely. I think I tend to agree that sexual attraction is not really a motivating factor in Cas’ love for Dean, but the devotion? the pure, earnest desire to make Dean’s life easier? the loyalty? the constancy? They weren’t kidding when they said Cas has “too much” heart; he loves perhaps the most purely, the most sincerely and unselfishly.

I can’t keep thinking about this. Whenever I think about Cas’ love for Dean, my heart just dances, but it’s – gaaaaah.

*screams along incoherently*

The last time they saw each other as themselves. And the first time again.

insp

Cas, I’m sorry. Kickin’ you out of the bunker. Not telling you about Sam.

“So you’re sayin’ we’re both a couple of dumbasses?” “I prefer the word ‘trusting’ Less dumb. Less ass.”