Ugh, you can’t compare the crypt scenes to actual domestic violence without at least acknowledging that mind control and demon curses don’t exist in the real world.
Like, if you want to say “EVEN THOUGH he’s under the influence of the Mark” which I’ve seen some people do, that’s cool. Write your meta. Tell me how & why you think Dean or Cas (or who else has been through this …. Sam, Bobby, John, right? And Bucky Barnes …… lol) should still be held accountable for their actions. Totally cool. Say how scenes like this can LEAD TO people being more accepting of domestic abuse because it normalizes it. Say how it’s a metaphor for this, that, or the other problematic thing. Cool. Write your meta. Being triggered by it and asking people to tag it? TOTALLY FINE. But flat out demonizing (heh) people for liking the “broke out of mind control because of you” trope because it ~romanticizes abuse is just rude. Real life abusers aren’t under the influence of MAGIC. There is no real life version of this trope.
I’m so glad someone else get it! The ‘broke out of mind control’ is not only a very imperfect parallel to domesitc abuse, it is also a trope as old as time that *all * the time is being considered the highest proof of a strong bond between people.
I have written way too many words on this subject by now in my “Drafts” folder, but basically they all boil down to:
1. In real life, abusers who claim to have “lost control” are always lying. They are lying liars who lie to avoid being held accountable. They use this particular lie because we have a long philosophical (and legal) tradition that people should be held less culpable for harm that stems from actions they did not intend to commit or that they could not have reasonably anticipated would result from actions they intended to commit. That abusers “lose control” is a myth; they are always 100% aware of their actions and and the consequences of their actions, and they regularly hurt their victims because deep down they personally believe it’s right or morally justifiable to do so. Lundy Bancroft has written about this pretty extensively. As such, in real life, there’s never anything to “break through.”
2. In the power of love trope, it’s not a lie. In Supernatural, the scenes in 8x17 and 10x22 are not the first time a supernatural force has assumed control of someone’s body–demon possession occurs regularly, for example, and the show has talked about how the “meatsuit” is innocent.** As I see it, the Mark/Lucifer and Naomi had taken full control of Dean’s and Cas’ bodies, respectively, during 10x22 and 8x17, which makes “Dean’s” and “Cas’” actions not abuse in my book because, well, mens rea and every philosophical concept of culpability to which I personally subscribe.
(**Angel possession is slightly more complicated because the vessels consent, but it’s not always informed consent, nor is the “yes” necessarily granted without coercion. I think it’s important to remember this when thinking about Dean’s consent to the Mark. I don’t believe he could have reasonably anticipated that the “burden” and “cost” of taking the Mark would include it overpowering his free will and compelling him to kill, and I also believe the circumstances under which he said “yes” to the Mark amount to coercion and thus mitigate his culpability for events that follow. He also took what I think were generally reasonable steps to prevent harm to others when he found out what the Mark was doing, so I don’t think he’s been a fraction as negligent as people have claimed him to be. I digress.)
3. I think we must be responsible about how we incorporate and consume the power of love trope in narratives, because lots of people do believe the myth that abuse is about “losing control.” To me, this responsibility means that when the power of love trope is used in narratives we consume, we fans must re-emphasize to members of our community that in the real world, “I lost control” is always a lie and no amount of love can ever magically “fix” anything. I think these conversations interrupt any normalization of the idea that “I lost control” should be a valid defense in real life, or that love can make someone “regain control” that was never lost to begin with. (We should be having these conversations and educating ourselves about abuse anyways.) I do not know what ethical responsibilities I think writers of narratives that include the power of love trope have; I think I tentatively believe that writers should make it crystal clear that a supernatural force has completely overpowered the character’s agency.
4. The pervasiveness of the myth that abusers “lose control” and the way that abusers regularly use that lie to attempt to avoid accountability means that there’s a valid case for reading these scenes as metaphors for abuse, as causalityrules points out.
I think that’s my take on the whole matter. That scene was brutally hard to watch. I’m happy that Carver opted to include a piece of narrative symmetry that suggests a romantic relationship between Dean and Cas. I am also happy that their (romantic) relationship has been established to be more powerful than the oldest, most powerful curse ever cast by Lucifer. The violence that the Mark had “Dean” committing against Cas, though, was disgusting, deeply tragic, and traumatic for Cas.