damon and elena appreciation week

“Roadtrips work well for us.” requested by trueloveisdelena

destiel’s traumatic bookends

So, crypt scene and reverse!crypt scene. Both bloody, violent, agonizing affairs. Dean is being pushed by the MoC, while Cas was trained and brainwashed by Naomi.

From Dean’s point of view, the 8x17 crypt scene doesn’t do much. Sure, he stops Cas from killing him, barely, and Cas heals him and apologizes, but then Cas still leaves, still doesn’t trust him. And instead of trusting Dean, Cas ends up barreling right into another bad call, going along with Metatron’s plan (which included killing an innocent young woman) and Metatron’s plan eventually ends up killing Dean in 9x23.

From Cas’s point of view, this 10x22 scene doesn’t do much. Sure, he stops Dean from killing him, barely, and Dean leaves with a warning and not a death blow, but he still leaves, and now Dean feels betrayed and doesn’t trust him. Instead, Dean tries to continue his own personal mission (keep hunting until he can’t do any more good in the world) alone before he gives up and finally decides to call in Death to try to end it all.

How much does a hesitation mean?

The 8x17 scene was a bloody capper to a season that came across to many people as unrequited love from Dean’s side. The 10x22 scene was a bloody capper to two seasons that came across to many people as unrequited love from Cas’s side. 8x17 was not a romantically triumphant moment for Dean, not from Dean’s perspective – it was a failure. He told Cas, flat-out, that he needed him, and Cas left anyway. Because Cas wanted to protect the angel tablet from him (the angel tablet that, in one season’s time, Cas will destroy in an attempt to save Dean). Dean was left understandably bitter by the experience for several episodes and, in 8x23, we see him essentially saying goodbye to Cas, slowly beginning the process of trying to let him go. A process that continued into S9.

Dean’s death at the end of S9 seems to be a similar wake-up call to Cas that being in Purgatory was for Dean. He missed Dean deeply and was willing to admit as much. But just like being with Sam re-ignited Dean’s toxic bond with him, being around Hannah re-ignited Cas’s guilt and need to ‘fix’ the problems of Heaven. Cas then spent much of S10 flitting around trying to figure out where he belonged – with Hannah, helping the angels; with Claire, relieving his guilt over what he did to Jimmy’s family; trying to recover his grace; trying to save Dean. He always came running to help out with Dean’s stuff when needed but then would immediately run away again, like a scalded cat. As soon as he felt like he wasn’t needed, he was gone.

And much like 8x17 was a failure from Dean’s perspective, 10x22 is a failure from Cas’s. Neither of them are able to stop the other person from leaving. In 10x23, Cas heals himself up and goes back to Sam, argues briefly about the consequences of the spell but gives in, because this is Sam’s arena. Cas has generally yielded Sam & Dean problems to Sam and Dean (despite their truly terrible track record) and he’s been treating the MoC as a ‘Sam & Dean’ problem pretty much from the start. Cas then makes the same mistakes here that he made with Metatron back in 8x22/8x23, but now for a much less grand purpose – a single man, rather than all of Heaven. The terrible things he was willing to do for Heaven are also the terrible things he’s willing to do for Dean (this is not me endorsing it as a good thing; just pointing it out).

So, now Cas is in the place that Dean was post-8x17. The “I wish he felt the same way” place. Cas is willing to do anything to save Dean but, from his perspective, Dean neither wants nor needs him around anymore.

And now, a word on pacing. I watch The Vampire Diaries in addition to SPN. This season was the last season for my wonderful Elena Gilbert as a main character. The endgame pairing that Elena is a part of – Damon/Elena aka Delena – is one that I’ve compared to Destiel before (basically: we see the same kind of privacy desires & missing you scenes with both, only with Delena as a heterosexual couple, it gets to be overtly textually romantic and sexual, while Destiel’s scenes have been subtextual). For a lot of this season, things were being very drawn out about the two of them getting back together as a couple – first Damon was ‘dead’, then Elena had erased her memories of him because it was hurting too much to miss him, etc. Many obstacles. But then, all of a sudden, it was like a dam broke as we got all the scenes we’d ever wanted with them – kisses and love declarations and dancing and what amounted to a proposal. Significantly, this would have begun to be written right around when the writers knew for sure that Elena’s actress was not re-signing for S7. When they still thought they had a chance of having Elena in S7, they drew out the pacing of the love story, but once they knew the end was coming for her character as a regular, the pace quickened. That’s just how TV works.

So, we’ve had the pace slowed twice on SPN, in general, during the Carver seasons. First when they found out they were going to be renewed for S9, and then when they found out about S11 (iirc, they never acted like they believed S9 would be the last season, so I think they were pretty sure they’d get S10 no matter what at that point). Now, Destiel is a subtextual romance at this point, rather than an overt textual one like Delena, but I still see the telltale signs of the big slow-down when it comes to their interactions – how they’ve been few and far between this season but always impactful when they happen, and how many obstacles have been thrown between them.

We’ve seen those same signs when it comes to the breaking of the toxic bond of the brothers – slow down, add more complications, make it take longer because we’ve got plenty of time. Whether this is a good or bad thing depends on a viewer’s personal preferences, I think, tbh. It can definitely lead to wondering if anything will ever happen at all, which can be a big issue! But, generally, if you see something (anything in general, but especially relationship-related stuff) get significantly slowed down after a renewal would have been known, then it probably is an important endgame element, otherwise they’d just burn through it at a normal pace. It’s the endgame stuff that you don’t want to use up before you reach endgame. Of course, this can mean that if you do get cancelled without warning, then you might end up without your endgame at all. But that’s television, too. There’s always a chance you get cut off before you get to make the big speech.

You were by my side when I needed a friend, You made me laugh, made me dance.

“Elena + dancing on the bar in 5x16″ requested by blackbellsandredroses

This right here is one of the most fascinating aspects of TVD–doppelganger issues. In this moment, Elena is impersonating Katherine impersonating Elena. Who is Elena? She has to burn her diary filled with Elena’s words and now stained with Katherine’s. But, which words are really hers? Which belong to Elena? She’s just a copy of a copy of a copy. Nothing real. Nothing of value. She’s worse than nothing, worse than just a cheap copy, in her mind–cheap copies don’t bring death to the people around them. How much of Elena’s words, how much of them can she really own? Her body is unoriginal. People don’t even notice when her mind, actions, and words are Katherine’s. Is there anything to hold onto? Anything real? Anything she can really call hers? Her diary isn’t even hers any more, and maybe her thoughts and mind aren’t hers either. She burns the diary, it’s become habit by now to burn things or herself.

Damon should have been the one to notice. In this world where nothing is real, they find each other in the darkness, in between moments and places, and forge something real. You don’t need to put on an act in between places. Their moments are improvised, theoretically unimportant, but they become so important for them and that place, in between places, becomes so important–roads (also porches and other in between places). Journeys. There’s no epic, romantic spot or perfect moment where they declare their love. No. It’s always messy and complicated. It’s this wonderful, strange thing where someone declares their love and the other says that’s the problem. It’s not “oh my god, yes, you’re my hero.” No. It’s always beautifully messy and complicated with no right answer. It’s not love at first sight. It’s Damon seeing Katherine’s face in 1x14 and letting it save him until Elena becomes something separate from Katherine to him (who knows when? eep such great, nuanced writing that we don’t know), and I think it’s because for the first time probably EVER, Damon finds understanding (she’s not excusing him or anything, but accepting him), and Elena is the girl who hugs him in the darkness in between places even though he doesn’t deserve it after all he’s done. And, Elena, for the first time probably EVER, feels free to just be herself…whatever that means…this is huge for a girl who is scared she’s only a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy. And she can scream at Damon that he should have noticed. And she can scream at him that she needs him and she can scream at him that she can’t stop loving him. And she can be weak and strong and everything she is because Damon will always love her and he will never leave her. It’s one of the only things she feels is true and real in 5x16. She probably feels that’s more real than herself.

In literature and psychoanalysis, they say doppelganger issues spring from saying things are “anti-I” which is one reason why SE is such an unhealthy ship. He calls her the anti-Katherine says she’s the opposite of Katherine, so Elena has to repress those Katherine like qualities around Stefan. Not so with Damon.

DE could never have something normal or perfectly healthy. They’re too broken for that. Elena needs someone around her to make her feel real and make her feel okay for not being the anti-Katherine. Only Damon’s ever done that for her. She’s beyond words for him as he is for her. Words are small, stilted things. They’re not good enough for either of them. “Damon is Damon,” Elena says. And, while that’s a silly thing on the surface, it’s important to Elena. Because, I think it’s only around Damon where she feels like “Elena is Elena.” Not the anti-Katherine and not just a doppelganger. Just…that lovely mess that Elena is……..our warrior princess who is also damsel in distress like. Selfish, selfless, genuine, manipulative, a mess of things just like every person on the planet is whyyyyy noooooo she’s just the best and i’m going to miss her so muchhhhh…… :(

Damon and Elena nervous about seeing each other                                                ↳4x07//6x08

3x22/6x06